Toni and Roberto

After kissing my wife and our friend goodbye on July 14 at 22:24 I haven't been able to find a direction to take since that day I have lost all our savings and no longer have a income. Toni was more than my wife she shaped me and our life since 1985 . I ask her every day to show me a light I can follow.  My parents who loved her so much have passed away but Toni brought them back for me at our restaurant in bay st Louis Mississippi.  The traditions of our kitchen she learned and shared them with all of us for 8 years that we operated. Toni knew what to cook by just hearing the voices of our friends and customers entering the dining room. For me she made me feel like I never left my home in Europe. Her phone which I hold every day received one message since on a personal account.  Your driving job is ready for you once you are ready to start your journey.  It's a advertisement but it came at the moment I desperately needed her touch. Unfortunately everything needs money even trying to move from day by day and especially starting a income . Toni and I promised ourselves to have our ashes spread over a mountain top in southern Bavaria Germany.  It's a mountain next to a famous castle belonging to king Ludwig. It's my last official duty that I have to fulfill once I'm able to hold her ashes in my hands.  It will take a while and I'm hoping my ashes can join hers as we had talked about. I know what she wants me to do because I know her and I also know that she knows I live for the day I join her .  With her all of us have lost our physical connection to a wonderful fun memory . I prayed and told her I wanted her to go before me so that she wouldn't be alone and that is a comfort to me. She died and came back so many times since April this year and I never had a moment to come to terms. She always came back from her coma like state and she knew her last seizure was coming.  She held on to it to get me to her family so I would have a place to live.  Know she is trying to figure out how to guide me and I stop asking her for help because I need her to peacefully move on . Forgive my grammar Thank you. Grazie. Danke.