SCOTT MASSE MEMORIAL FUND

Hi my name is Cindy. My husband Scott has past away suddenly. It was so unexpected. We were married for 43 years. Scott was 19 and I was 18 when we married. Our parents gave us 6 months, boy we showed them huh. Scott was the love of my life. I really can't imagine life without him.

Back in September our life insurance had lapsed, because my income had stopped. I thought it would be okay for a short while.  But about a month ago I took my husband to the E.R.  He thought he was having a heart attack. The doctors checked him over of course, and told us that he wasn't having a heart attack. Wow what a relief that was. Anyway the E.R. doctor asked if he could do a CT scan to see where his pain could be coming from. About an hour later he came back and told us that Scott had a mass on his liver and one in his stomach. The doctor preceded to tell us that the mass on his liver has been there for about a year. We were shocked. Evidently the doctor who treated Scott the previous year dropped the ball ( so to speak ) and neglected to tell us anything about the mass growing on Scott's liver.  It was small back then. Very treatable. Anyway the E.R. doctor gave us a phone number for an Oncologist to see. So I made an appointment the very first thing in the morning. We got in pretty quickly. The Oncologist explained that there is only one mass not two and that the mass has grown into Scotts stomach.  He also mentioned to us that more times than not these types of tumors are usually benine (non-cancerous).  That gave us some sort of relief. 

Well anyway that doctor gave us the name of another oncologist to see, that appointment took maybe a week to get in. 

So about a week later we went to see the other doctor. We didn't even know why. Nothing has been explained to us, at all.  We just did what we were told.  

So at that appointment, as the doctor walked in he told us that we needed to see a different doctor (the one who would be doing Scott's biopsy) before we could see him. Boy what a mix up already. That was a waste of about 2 weeks. 

We got Scott scheduled finally for his biopsy.  It was scheduled to take place at Mt. Hood Medical Center. 

Only one person was aloud in the waiting room but we kind of snuck my son in. I didn't want to be alone. About 30 minutes after they took Scott back the doctor himself (whom I had never met yet) came out into the waiting room and told me that he couldn't proceed with the biopsy because my husband's heart rate was too fast and that they would like to take him over to they're E.R. so that they could examine him further. We of course agreed. 

That day the doctors felt that Scott needed to be admitted. They explained how they needed to stabilize his vitals before he can have his biopsy. They also went on explaining that they are not allowing any visitors at this time.They refused to let me go with him. They kept him another 5 days before they felt like he was strong enough for the biopsy. During that time one of the doctors came into Scotts room and told him that even without the biopsy that he can tell that it is definitely cancerous. 

He told my husband this without any one of us being there with him. After the doctor left, my husband was all alone, devastated. Scott called me and told me what the doctor had told him.  He was just dying inside from that point on. He told me how he wanted me, to hold me, and how he wasn't able to process anything that the doctor told him.  He was all alone and I couldn't do anything to help him.  It took about 4 or 5 days before the doctor felt that Scott was ready enough for the biopsy so they proceeded. However I told them that I had to be there for Scott. Even if I couldn't see him I could at least be near him.  They told me it would be at 2:00 that afternoon.

As I was getting ready to leave for the hospital I got a phone call from one of the nurses. They had already gone ahead with the biopsy and it was over with. I was so upset.  Wow...

Anyway a biopsy is usually done on an out patient basis. And as upset as I was I thought well at least I can come and take him home with me. 

But the doctor felt that Scott should stay at least one more day. This was getting harder and harder. I was missing him so much. 

So the next day the doctors were saying that they would like to keep him for another night they didn't feel like he was ready to go home. My husband was really going crazy without us.

He wanted his family, that's all he wanted. 

So he actually checked himself out, he called me to come and get him. So I did. 

We were apart for a week. That can't be good on anyone's health when your denied your family like that. 

What are these hospitals thinking of?  Certainly not their patients.

Once we got him home though he appeared to be so weak. It had been 2 days since the biopsy, he should have been healing from it by then and doing better.

 He laid in bed for another 3 days unable to even sit up at this point. We finally took him back to the hospital. Not Mt. Hood though. We took him to Emanuel Hospital where I was able to visit him anytime I wanted too. We brought him to the hospital that Monday. 

I stayed the night with him that night,  but I had to leave for a short while the next morning to take my kitty kat to the vet because he had been kinda of sick too.

 So while I was waiting at the vets I got a phone call from one of Scotts doctors asking me if I knew the status of everything concerning Scott. 

He began telling me that Scotts kidneys, and his liver are already starting to shut down, and that none of the usual treatments will help Scott. He then told me that the surgeon who was going to remove the mass won't do the surgery at this point because they don't think he would make it through the surgery and they felt like the Kemo and radiation would be too toxic for Scott.

 He then told me that there isn't anything that they can do for Scott, and that he only has anywhere from a few days to a few weeks to live.

 I just couldn't comprehend what was just told to me. No, no, no. This isn't happening. I had to get my cat home and rush to the hospital where the doctor was going to meet with us. When I got there they were trying to explain everything to my husband. My husband wasn't grasping things either. At one point my husband did ask one of the doctors how long did he have? Before the doctor could say anything my husband followed up with. "What do I have about a year?" That's when the doctor told my husband he only has anywhere from a few days to a few weeks. I will never, ever be able to forget the look on my husbands face at that moment. It hurt me so badly seeing this, my husband was sheet white. It was so horrible no one should ever, ever endure anything like that. That was just on Tuesday February 22, 2022. I stayed with my husband that night of course and then the next morning Wednesday February 23rd the hospital transported my husband home. Hospice had put up a bed for him in our living room. So I laid down with him and we held each other so close and tight. The next morning I got up and put the coffee on trying to be so quite, his breathing seemed pretty hard. When I came back into the living room I found myself just staring at him and that's when I noticed that he had stopped breathing. He was gone.

 I cannot stand the thought of being without him. The love of my life. I don't even feel like I am a whole person. Without him I am nothing. I loved him so much. How can something like this even happen? I only had 2 days with him once we were told. I feel that I let him down because we had life insurance which I let lapse back in September. Why? Why? Why?

Please help us. He deserves a burial and I really let him down. I have never asked for anything before but I am begging for your help, any help. Please.

 When a person thinks that everything is good, never, ever get too comfortable. Life is so delicate. Please love one another the very best you can. 

Thank you for taking the time to read my story

Cynthia Masse