Hi, my name is Nadia, and I hope to raise money to help pay for TMS (Trans-cranial Magnetic Stimulation) for treatment-resistant Seasonal Affective Disorder. It costs $3000 for the initial 30 sessions, which is a lot of money to come up with on an income of $2000-2500/month. The maintenance afterwards though, assuming it is helpful, would cost less than I currently spend on medications.

 

I have had a severe form of SAD for over 20 years that, at its worst, has rendered me catatonic/unresponsive in the past. It was effectively treated with Wellbutrin for some years, but unfortunately that medication gradually stopped working for me. I have tried light therapy, 30+ minutes per day of being outside, aerobic exercise, high doses of Vitamin D, and various medications (Paxil, Prozac, Effexor, Wellbutrin, Abilify, Lamotrigine, and Rhodiola). Rhodiola is the only medication that currently makes a difference, in that it prevented muscle rigidity last winter, which is great, but it did not help the overall problem and seems to be losing effectiveness already.

 

SAD, for me, is not about me disliking the winter (I actually like it a lot when I can enjoy it!). It feels like my brain is shutting down and trying to hibernate, and I need my brain to do everything from thinking to walking, talking, feeling, and comprehending. It comes on slowly, with symptoms like anhedonia (the inability to feel pleasure), exhaustion, and very low motivation, starting around December; everything feels hard, and much of my efforts go into acting like myself even though I don't feel like myself. It progresses to symptoms like zoning out to the point where I am in physical pain but still don't have the motivation to move and delayed responsiveness by March; I bump into walls because all of my mental energy is going into trying to make my legs move, and knowing where the wall is at the same time is not always something my brain can do. I fight this all as best I can - I go to work and to my aerials classes and I try to interact with people and act like myself, but it feels similar to making myself do these things with no sleep or something. I just want to not exist until it's over.

Even more than that though I really want to be able to feel like myself year-round. This ends up being a third of my life that I'm just surviving instead of living normally. 

 

TMS is more likely to alleviate symptoms of depression (68% average effectiveness) than antidepressants are (40-60%), and side effects are much, much less of a concern, with the main one mentioned being a temporary headache. The maintenance sessions of TMS would cost less than my medications currently do, and some TMS patients no longer need their medications after treatment. The clinic I have been communicating with is https://www.neuromedclinic.com/. 

 

It is not guaranteed that TMS will work, but it sounds so much more hopeful than trying yet another medication every winter, especially without a psychiatrist (I have been on a waitlist for over a year, which is normal apparently). The majority of my experiences with psychiatric medications have been negative. I don't want to feel drugged or numb or like I'm in a dream. I want to feel awake and like myself. It seems that what my brain needs in the winter is for something to wake it up, especially considering that Wellbutrin, a stimulant antidepressant with no 'sister drug' like it, is the only one that ever fixed it completely, but my brain seems to have over-ridden Wellbutrin's effects now, to the point that I need Rhodiola to make me feel normal in the summer months. The vast majority of what I've read and heard about TMS has been positive, and it has even been successfully used to treat SAD before. It could help prevent my brain from trying to shut down in the winters and I would really like to try it.

Any amount you are able to give would be greatly appreciated! Thank you :)