Time to get things straightened out …

First, thank you so much for caring enough to read this page. I know that during our shared COVID experience many of us have been just about “cared out.”. There are so many in need of so many things that it is difficult to determine where our efforts should go. I recall about four years ago I ran into an unexpected financial problem when one of my sources of income simply vanished without warning, leaving me in financial chaos. However, this GoFundMe account and all the family and friends who responded, helped get me through that drama and helped ease my worried mind.

I had hoped to never need this service again. Unfortunately that is no longer the case. This time it isn’t the loss of income, but additional costs associated with a novel and hopefully successful treatment for my lifelong battle with treatment resistant depression. Over the past three and a half decades I’ve tried nearly every pharmaceutical and therapeutic avenue available and none of them afforded much, if any, lasting relief. After I ran out of options, I have simply been in a holding pattern for years waiting for new and novel treatments. Dealing with Myeloma cancer, severe chronic pain, along with a host of other health issues (diabetes, anxiety, HBP, cholesterol, a torn rotator cuff that will eventually require a shoulder ‘replacement’ and about a dozen other things)has only made life that more difficult. Add to that, the loss of my career, my means of caring for myself and others, and all the years struggling to succeed professionally and educationally has certainly been food to sustain my depression throughout the years in spite of my efforts to stop it.

A couple of weeks ago I started a new, novel and intensive kind of therapy for treatment resistant depression.

I don’t expect that it will be immediately successful or life altering but there have been some very positive results for others. The treatment is called TMS which is short for Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation. Very briefly, it is is a minimally invasive procedure that uses strong magnetic fields to stimulate nerve cells in the brain to improve symptoms of depression. I am having the treatments done at UC San Diego, five days a week, for six to ten weeks. The site is in North County San Diego, which is about a forty mile round trip.

While the cost of this treatment is partially covered by insurance, I have to cover co-payments and travel costs (gas) out of pocket. Unfortunately, my ‘budget’, such as it is, just can’t cover it. These out of pocket expenses will continue to accrue during the six to eight weeks that therapy may last. It is a pay as you go service which means that I have to come up with about $150.00 a week for six to ten weeks depending on how I respond to the treatment. I know that this seems like a rather small sum to be resorting to Gofundme, but if you knew my modest budget and expenses, you’d likely understand that there is no room for these additional expenses.

I know that this is a difficult time to be seeking assistance and there is a part of me that hates asking. But, I wouldn’t be doing myself any favors if I didn’t at least ask. On the other hand, I certainly don’t want anyone to give if that would result in any hardship. I don’t want to simply exchange my pain for yours. That wouldn’t make sense. But, if your budget doesn’t look anything like mine and you find it in your heart to help, you would find no one more grateful than me. Either way, I am touched by your concern. and appreciate your time and your thoughts.

I am once again in a full scale battle against depression. I’m hopeful about TMS, but there are various other novel therapies UCSD offers. I don’t plan on quitting this fight if TMS doesn’t achieve the goals I have for it. I am willing to try at least two other types of therapies I would seek if I find it necessary. I’ll hold of discussing them for now. Right now, I’m putting my time and energy into TMS and praying that it works for me.

With Love,

Nick Calderon