There’s Light in the Tunnel

Please care and share !




Excerpt from Chapter 1 




"This is my true story of what happened to me over the past 2 years. My depression crept up on me  slowly.  I did not understand the signs or symptoms. It all effective and infected me .Getting divorced after 23 years of marriage , selling the family home , business sliding down hill, only seeing my kids 50 percent of the time , getting back into the dating world, people who I thought were my friends turning a  blind eye to my illness. And yes I do mean illness!  




No matter what I tried , nothing worked. My normal exercise   , coaching , meditation had no effect as well as medication and therapy had zero effect ! It was frustrating and frightening as hell!  It was hell !  It sucked and I could not manage it or control it.  I remember 1 morning over a year ago I woke up at 4 am to get into the shower to go to work.  A panic attack hit me like a freight train ! I started shaking uncontrollably . 




My entire body was like it was on some kind of intense  drugs. I had no clue what was happening to me  and why !  I text my 630 am client and canceled. I NEVER CANCEL !!!!!!  I was embarrassed , upset and confused as hell.   It started to plague me every day, 




The negative thoughts , the misery, the intense sadness. The only time I felt a sense of peace was either sleeping , working , or hanging with my kids. After 23 years of marriage the first weekend I was alone I was in shock . " Now what F CK do I do ? 




I was alone , depressed , confused, scarred, and scared shitless! Yet I was and I  am a coach and had to suck it up.  How else was I going to work and raise my kids 50 percent of the time ? My kids knew and saw the the down spin in me. I could feel it from them. 




They had never seen their unshakeable rock act or ever be like this.  How could I tell them ? My closest friends were scared for me and checked in on me alot. You all know who you are , and Thanks  you from the bottom of my heart. My therapist was watching me closely as well . Thanks god he was because on 12/21/19  1 year ago I tried to end my life with a steak knife. In my own kitchen at my apartment. 




I thought it would be simple like the movies. I 6 inch cut and the pain would go away for ever. . Right ? Nope. Then after that attempt I had realized what I had done.  I went " WTF Kevin? " You have kids !  I went to the hospital and got patched up. I thought that was it , I tried and failed. Ok I can move on. 




So I thought. Was I wrong. Dead wrong. Ok that was a bad joke )   The next day I went to the Tobin bridge and was looking for a place  to park and jump off . No joke ! the whole time it was playing like a movie. I'm thinking " This can't be happening ?" " This is not me ! " " Whats wrong with me?"  " I got this ! I can control this !"  It was not happening at all . 




A State Trooper pulled me over and gave me the third degree.  He saw the stitches on my neck. He asked ? " What's with the neck buddy?"  I lied " it was surgery sir. " He knew I lied . He responded " Go home and get some help my friend'.  I drove away and went right to my therapist office.  I one year ago today 12/22/19 




I woke up Christmas Eve morning , My mom's 91st bday at Mcelan Hospital. It was the best Christmas gift I have ever received!  




Truthfully ! 

ECT and the beautiful people at ECT clinic saved my life !  The staff on the locked down floor saved my life!  I owe a lot to what they taught me Christmas week 12/22 - 12/27/19 




A sincere thank you for all of you that have been with me on this challenging journey. And has been a journey. 




This year has been hard on us all.  If you need help please go ask for it ASAP! 

My line is always open to whoever needs it and needs a helping hand. 




You are not ALONE !  




You are NEEDED!  




And You are IMPORTANT IN THIS WORLD!  




I have had the honor and privilege of helping 5 people this past summer with thoughts of suicide , depression ,  anxiety . addiction and PTSD . 




I will continue to do my part , my passion and my mission in this world. 




Help is always there for you. Please just ask me , a friend , family member , the clergy , therapist or a hot line ! 




YOU AREV NOT ALONE ANYMORE ! 




I send you light , love and peace in your days ! 


Please donate $15 and you will be sent a sign copy of my book and a book will be donated in your name to someone who is ill and needs support 



Namaste 

I send you light , love and peace in your days!




Coach Kearns 




5084048503 

[email redacted]