The true cost of support

*TW Domestic violence, mental illness and talk of suicide*

On Feb 26th at 4am I was woken by banging on my front door. The man I was seeing had shown up drunk and high on crack cocaine and refused to leave. He proceeded to hit me, smash my glasses so I couldn’t see to defend myself, smash my phone so I couldn’t call the police, smothered me, beat me, tried to snap my neck and threatened to kill me. He hadn’t been violent towards me previously but I’ve since discovered he has a long history of abuse. My ordeal wasn’t over because then I had go through a second trauma- dealing with the police. I plan to complain about the lack of support for victims of domestic violence and for the failings in my own case- but that’s another story.

On the 28th Feb- just two days after the attack, I was staying with friends, with minimal belongings as the police had told me to flee my house- because my abuser had been bailed. The police had the address and contact number of the friend who’s house I was staying at. I was physically in a lot of pain after being left with a bloody nose, bust lip, heavy bruising, sore neck and back. Mentally, I was extremely traumatised, distressed, confused and feeling let down by a system that meant I had to run away while my attacker was free to harm myself or others. I told someone I was feeling suicidal and they called the police. I immediately called 999 myself to rectify the situation and get medical help for my mental crisis. Although I was not at home, police kicked my door in, fearing for my safety- despite them having information that I wasn’t there and an ambulance called for me at a different address. When I was informed of this, I was told that the cost could be claimed back- considering all circumstances. However- they have since refused to pay for the damage. So as a result of being attacked and suffering from a mental breakdown- I’m left with a £1200 bill for a new flat door. I also was left completely unable to access my property at a time when I was at risk- I was left stuck outside my own flat like a sitting duck. The police didn’t help me re-enter my property- I had to organise this myself on top of everything else.  The door had been kicked in half and had to be recycled, a new basic front door was fitted complete with a spy hole and new locks- as the attacker had stolen my keys. 

There are charities that can help with this but I don’t feel right taking from them when I’m no longer in a situation of active domestic violence and their work is vital to protect those in need. I plan to use my own experiences to help others once I’ve recovered mentally but first- I need a little help myself. I’m currently furloughed and unable to work- I can’t afford the £1200 that being attacked cost me. If you’re in a position to donate then it would be greatly appreciated. If not and you’re able to share then thank you ❤️  

My situation has highlighted exactly why many people don’t report abuse or why many of us who suffer from mental illness don’t tell anyone when we’re feeling suicidal.