As a young girl, I grew up with hopes and dreams of having my own family; the joys of pregnancy are what excite me most. Envisioning 9 months to grow and feel my own baby, that private intimate time to get to know the human being I’d be blessed with. It took mere minutes to shred my soul with news that I wasn’t prepared---“Premature Ovarian Failure.” A syndrome that depletes my body of its eggs, the eggs I so desperately need to have a baby. My baby. But in no uncertain terms was this a mistake. My hormone levels were nonexistent. I wish I could tell you my exact thoughts at that time, but all I can remember is pain and confusion racing through my already exhausted body. It was then I learned the ONLY way I could possibly carry a baby is through IVF and egg donation. The sadness that a woman feels when the idea of birth is stripped away from her can’t be expressed in words. So I cried. Tears flooded my face. I cried for what felt like days. I cried with my family and friends and I still cry---by myself. I felt alone in this diagnosis. Me, a woman who believes so much in the growth and life of children-not able to conceive.
No one heard me.
The worst thing about it is that when I first started noticing signs that something was wrong---doctors brushed it off as stress. They did this for three years. My current doctor said there was a better possibility that the problem could have been fixed all those years ago. Not the case now. I couldn’t help but ask, “Why?” and “How?” The doctor said genetics play a factor into these things, especially since I’m so young and now dealing with perimenopause. Being adopted, I couldn’t help but think about my biological mother and her genes. Likely the culprit in this whole ordeal and forever haunts me to this day. And while I can’t blame her, that’s a struggle too. It isn’t fair.
While I feel weak living in my truth, I find strength in medical possibilities and God. Going through IVF is the closest I will get to having a child. Carrying a child, bringing forth life, even if getting there takes the use of another woman’s egg and technology. As determined as I am to see this life come to fruition, I need help and I’ve learned there’s no shame in that. The costs are astronomical for medication alone and insurance doesn’t cover IVF. My last hope is getting financial support from you. That money is the ticket from the journey to the destination. The ticket that will turn this dream of carrying my baby into a reality. IVF is necessary to make that happen. Your financial support is necessary to make that happen. I can feel this life, it’s as if I already know him or her and I refuse to give up on getting him or her here. I don’t ever give up on a child in my class and I for sure won’t give up on this one.
From an unwanted baby to a little girl adopted by loving parents to a school mom of many…I will one day soon become a mother of a precious baby that I will carry in my womb and birth greatness into this world. I am reminded that nothing in this life comes easy and so I am preparing for the long haul. This is just part of my story, a chapter in my “happily ever after” and I can’t wait to enjoy the next chapter with my miracle baby.
Thank you for your prayers and support.