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Ryan Charles Gray passed away suddenly on September 22, 2019. He is survived by his husband and long-time companion, Kevin John Burns, and his dog Shitake. Ryan was only 42 years old and had so much life left to live. Given Ryan's sudden passing, we are heartbroken and have started this GoFundMe in hopes that we can raise money to help Ryan's husband, Kevin, cover the costs of the funeral and rebuild his life.
Ryan was 6'6" with a stout and burly build, always big for his age. He was loved as a GENTLE GIANT, with a jovial, playful personality, seen as a big teddy bear. Ryan was extraordinarily kind, funny, generous, and loved all people, serving those around him.
Both Kevin and Ryan were raised in Latter-Day Saint Christian homes, surrounded by loving parents and siblings. Ryan served a mission for the LDS Church and volunteered to learn sign language to work with a deaf companion. He maintained a loving relationship with his family, and reverence towards his upbringing, his faith, and many of his spiritual teachers and leaders. After his mission, Ryan struggled to adjust to the stresses of life and coming to terms with his sexuality. He became resentful of the church due to discrimination by unaware and insensitive leaders and members. Ryan later met Kevin Burns, and the two helped each other work through tough times while in college. Ryan worked in the healthcare industry as a registered nurse and supported Kevin through severe pancreatitis, leading to Kevin having diabetes, and several hospitalizations that drained them both financially. They were together for almost 18 years and married as soon as Utah's laws permitted them to do so. They were loved by all, including their combined 41 nieces and nephews.
Unfortunately in 2010, Kevin was assaulted/gay-bashed by a group of men in a Salt Lake City public parking lot. When Ryan came to his aide, for the first time in his life, he felt small and vulnerable because he couldn't protect Kevin as they were both severely beaten because they were gay. Ryan and Kevin were traumatized after this hate crime. Ryan sustained a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) which began his decline of mental health. They struggled to focus on life, work, and relationships by removing from the social scene to hide. Later Ryan slipped on ice and cracked his skull, which only made his TBI worse. For seven years, Ryan fell into a pattern of self-medicating behavior to alleviate the pain and anguish that drove him into severe depression. Without saying goodbye to any friends or family, Ryan made the difficult decision to break all ties and move to Portland, Oregon in December 2017 to live with his sister Melissa where he could receive the help that he needed. Kevin joined Ryan in February 2018, and together they focused on their health receiving limited treatment through government resources. As a widower, these resources will diminish, but Kevin's financial burden for insulin and past medical still remain.
In Oregon, Kevin and Ryan's lives were the most challenging yet also rewarding. Kevin worked nights and Ryan as a "Manny" for his sister. Ryan quit smoking, drinking alcohol, and doing drugs regularly. Once he stopped self-medicating, his mental illness intensified and became more apparent. Ryan faced the shame, guilt, and pain from his past, and dealt with brain injuries which triggered schizophrenia behaviors including paranoia, memory loss, seizures, hallucinations, fear, anxiety, agitation, mental confusion, and more. As stress levels increased, these behaviors increased, causing Ryan to be in a state of psychosis: a mental disorder where behaviors are characterized by a disconnection from reality. For several years Kevin stood by Ryan through each event of psychosis attempting to bring Ryan back to reality.
A few days before Ryan died, he was in a constant state of schizophrenic psychosis in which he was paranoid and restless with severe insomnia. Finally, on Sunday morning, Ryan fell asleep. Sunday afternoon, Kevin woke up to Ryan breathing awkwardly and couldn't wake him up. Concerned, he got Melissa, and they tried to wake him up together and called 911. A few minutes later, he unexpectedly stopped breathing. Unable to be revived by emergency personnel, Ryan passed away peacefully in his sleep.
We express our gratitude for the outpouring of love towards Ryan and Kevin. Their story is tragic yet full of life and love. We all have to be accountable for life choices and how we deal with adversity. This story should be a clarion call for all of us to become more loving, more compassionate, less judgmental, and more willing to reach out to those in need.
While much has been done to help us understand our LBGTQ loved ones and those struggling from mental illness, we still have a long way to go. We hope to promote more love and understanding in the fight to bring to light many of the issues, challenges, and judgments that continue to revolve around our LBGTQ family members and friends. Everyone's story is unique and important.
Kevin is now burdened with funeral costs, needs help to rebuild his life, and to find a place to live. We are asking for your help to raise money for the funeral and for Kevin to pay the many expenses they have incurred through an awareness and compassion campaign. We also want to challenge everyone, regardless of their religious and social beliefs towards homosexuality, to open your heart to love and understanding, without judgment. May God shine down on his children and help us to become a better Humanity. One day, we will see clearly, but it is clearly not for us to judge until the God of Heaven helps us to understand.
Written by Families of Ryan and Kevin
Ryan was 6'6" with a stout and burly build, always big for his age. He was loved as a GENTLE GIANT, with a jovial, playful personality, seen as a big teddy bear. Ryan was extraordinarily kind, funny, generous, and loved all people, serving those around him.
Both Kevin and Ryan were raised in Latter-Day Saint Christian homes, surrounded by loving parents and siblings. Ryan served a mission for the LDS Church and volunteered to learn sign language to work with a deaf companion. He maintained a loving relationship with his family, and reverence towards his upbringing, his faith, and many of his spiritual teachers and leaders. After his mission, Ryan struggled to adjust to the stresses of life and coming to terms with his sexuality. He became resentful of the church due to discrimination by unaware and insensitive leaders and members. Ryan later met Kevin Burns, and the two helped each other work through tough times while in college. Ryan worked in the healthcare industry as a registered nurse and supported Kevin through severe pancreatitis, leading to Kevin having diabetes, and several hospitalizations that drained them both financially. They were together for almost 18 years and married as soon as Utah's laws permitted them to do so. They were loved by all, including their combined 41 nieces and nephews.
Unfortunately in 2010, Kevin was assaulted/gay-bashed by a group of men in a Salt Lake City public parking lot. When Ryan came to his aide, for the first time in his life, he felt small and vulnerable because he couldn't protect Kevin as they were both severely beaten because they were gay. Ryan and Kevin were traumatized after this hate crime. Ryan sustained a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) which began his decline of mental health. They struggled to focus on life, work, and relationships by removing from the social scene to hide. Later Ryan slipped on ice and cracked his skull, which only made his TBI worse. For seven years, Ryan fell into a pattern of self-medicating behavior to alleviate the pain and anguish that drove him into severe depression. Without saying goodbye to any friends or family, Ryan made the difficult decision to break all ties and move to Portland, Oregon in December 2017 to live with his sister Melissa where he could receive the help that he needed. Kevin joined Ryan in February 2018, and together they focused on their health receiving limited treatment through government resources. As a widower, these resources will diminish, but Kevin's financial burden for insulin and past medical still remain.
In Oregon, Kevin and Ryan's lives were the most challenging yet also rewarding. Kevin worked nights and Ryan as a "Manny" for his sister. Ryan quit smoking, drinking alcohol, and doing drugs regularly. Once he stopped self-medicating, his mental illness intensified and became more apparent. Ryan faced the shame, guilt, and pain from his past, and dealt with brain injuries which triggered schizophrenia behaviors including paranoia, memory loss, seizures, hallucinations, fear, anxiety, agitation, mental confusion, and more. As stress levels increased, these behaviors increased, causing Ryan to be in a state of psychosis: a mental disorder where behaviors are characterized by a disconnection from reality. For several years Kevin stood by Ryan through each event of psychosis attempting to bring Ryan back to reality.
A few days before Ryan died, he was in a constant state of schizophrenic psychosis in which he was paranoid and restless with severe insomnia. Finally, on Sunday morning, Ryan fell asleep. Sunday afternoon, Kevin woke up to Ryan breathing awkwardly and couldn't wake him up. Concerned, he got Melissa, and they tried to wake him up together and called 911. A few minutes later, he unexpectedly stopped breathing. Unable to be revived by emergency personnel, Ryan passed away peacefully in his sleep.
We express our gratitude for the outpouring of love towards Ryan and Kevin. Their story is tragic yet full of life and love. We all have to be accountable for life choices and how we deal with adversity. This story should be a clarion call for all of us to become more loving, more compassionate, less judgmental, and more willing to reach out to those in need.
While much has been done to help us understand our LBGTQ loved ones and those struggling from mental illness, we still have a long way to go. We hope to promote more love and understanding in the fight to bring to light many of the issues, challenges, and judgments that continue to revolve around our LBGTQ family members and friends. Everyone's story is unique and important.
Kevin is now burdened with funeral costs, needs help to rebuild his life, and to find a place to live. We are asking for your help to raise money for the funeral and for Kevin to pay the many expenses they have incurred through an awareness and compassion campaign. We also want to challenge everyone, regardless of their religious and social beliefs towards homosexuality, to open your heart to love and understanding, without judgment. May God shine down on his children and help us to become a better Humanity. One day, we will see clearly, but it is clearly not for us to judge until the God of Heaven helps us to understand.
Written by Families of Ryan and Kevin