The Power of Family, Friends, Community
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Asking for Help: The Rule of Threes.
Like many of us, I am fiercely independent and believe I can do things on my own. It’s in my nature -- it was a huge part of my upbringing; my siblings are the same way. Lately, I’ve been learning that it doesn’t have to be all done by myself, and that we as humans LIKE to help each other. We are a communal species and we form communities all the time for that reason. And so today, I am reaching out to you, my community, for help in something I cannot do alone.
Today, I’d like to tell you about my sister Denise, my dear brother-in-law Jason, and my amazing 14-year-old niece Meaghan. They are three of the most sincere, loving, and truly giving people I know.
Today, they are struggling.
They are struggling with two suicide attempts by Meaghan due to long-term bullying at school, Jason is struggling to find and keep work after two successive layoffs, the family has had two major apartment moves in an effort to manage their lives and due to increased rents, and Denise is heroically working on obtaining her master’s degree while maintaining a job and trying to keep the lights on.
Have you heard of the rule of threes?
Things happen in a trio.
What will be their ‘three’? Can we make it be Friends, Family, and Community?
I’m writing on their behalf today; let us come together, -- family, friends, and community -- to offer a helping hand and pull them through this time of need.
We are asking for $25,000 to help them with basic living expenses (rent, food, transportation) and medical expenses (medicine, psychiatrists and psychologists, and hospital bills) for the next six months. This money will help Denise get a chance to finish her last semester in college and will help her on her way to a good job with more financial security. This money will help Jason know his family has a roof over their heads while he finds a new job. This money will help Meaghan focus on her mental health and recovery program.
Thank you for coming this far into their story; please be aware that intimate details from the family are shared below, and while heart-wrenching to read, are a genuine insight into their struggles.
Part 1: It Started With One, Just One Bully.
“Our daughter, Meaghan, was as close to normal as the rest of kids in her 5th grade class. She loved to read, played the violin, had good grades, was in Girl Scouts and had a crush on a boy in her class. She had friends, like “Sue”, but not a bestie. Well, not anymore as we discovered over time.
It started with wanting to be a bestie, wanting to belong, wanting and doing anything to be on the inside of a special group. But always being just a little on the outside. It came down to choosing between Meaghan and Sue to be in the group, and Sue was chosen. This friend did not fight for Meaghan’s friendship, she just let the group decide that Meaghan was not good enough. Meaghan was crushed. She started isolating herself from other schoolmates and they in turn thought she was weird and odd.
At one pinnacle moment a kid asked Meaghan "what is wrong with you?" mocking her, making fun of her and bullying her. She remembers running into the library and crying. This statement, what is wrong with you, has played over and over in her head for so many years now that it manifested into a personal statement, a belief and a way of life for Meaghan. She continues to ask this question, every time she enters into the darkness of suicide and self harm.”
Meaghan kept the bullying to herself. Her grandfather passed away. She suppressed her feelings, isolating herself further. Then her grandmother passed away. Meaghan started cutting herself, self harming to tragically cope with the continued bullying and the loss of her grandparents.
Around this time, the family moved to Florida so Denise could finish her master’s degree in Marine Biology. Jason was able to transfer in his job from Colorado to Florida, which was a huge blessing. They started out in in a town close to Denise’s school, and after a year in middle school, Meaghan was accepted into a high school program at a new school, a great school that offered a promise for her future and a hope that things could be better.
And then Jason was laid off.
Their insurance was canceled. The bullying flared up again. And then…
Part 2: Two - The Spiral
“Friday, Sept. 28th we get an emergency call from her school to have an intervention meeting with the crisis unit. In the front office, the principal doesn’t hesitate. She asks, ‘Did you know that your daughter tried to kill herself and that she is now formulating a new plan to do it again?’ … No, no, no we didn’t know. How is this possible? … If we as parents did not agree to voluntarily take Meaghan to an emergency room right then and there, then the decision of the crisis team was to ‘Baker act’ her against the wishes of anyone involved. 15 hours in the emergency room, blood work, evaluation, one nurse asking me why I have not done anything earlier than today and then an ambulance ride to the crisis center for adolescents in Broward County.
All I’m doing is crying right now. Her first attempt for suicide. She had left in the middle of the night, walked 2 miles down the road to an overpass by the everglades with a rope, ready to hang herself. … She came home, woke me up, crying. At some point later, about 2 weeks, she said God stopped her from hanging herself.”
A 5-day hospital stay, counseling, medications, meetings with the school. The bills racked up. But Meaghan seemed to showed a glimmer of hope; that she was willing to work on her mental health and get better.
So they moved. Further away from the college that my sister worked so hard to get into; away from the marine biology program she is months away from graduating from. They moved closer to the new school, into another apartment, and after a few months, Jason was working again.
Shortly after Christmas, the floor fell out from them again. Jason was laid off. Again. And things got worse.
A second suicide attempt. A second hospital stay. With no insurance and little other resources. Meaghan was getting worse. The lies, the self-harm, the panic attacks -- which brought about more hospital time, and psychiatrist visits, and psychological visits. And medicines.
“Teen suicide, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME, hopelessness, sadness, darkness, isolation, pain, not worthy, not good enough, should I be here, did I cause that, does she like me, does he like me, nervousness, hard to be around crowds, agitated, irritable, loneliness, disease, I am sick, I can't do extended periods of time with people, no motivation, lots of sleep, I'm Ok, I'm fine, today was good, lies, lies about school work, lies about screen time, lies about friends, lies about everything because it is just easier to agree with everyone than tell the truth, where is God, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired, I thought the medicine was going to fix me, if I could say it I would say it a thousand times, what is wrong with me, do you see my pain, anxiety, anxiety attacks, panic attacks, depression, manic depressive, manic bipolar, cutting, self harm, covering the scars, wearing long sleeve shirts, cutting where no one sees, psychologist, psychiatrist, social workers, family therapy appointments, cognitive behavioral therapy, hypnosis, sensory deprivation therapy, emergency rooms, behavioral centers, visitation hours, baker acts, police car rides, ambulance rides, the same questions over and over again....help, HELP HHHHEEEEELLLLLPPPP,
I can't write anymore, all I do is weep for my sweet 14 year old daughter. I see her pain, but I know it is nothing compared to what she feels.
Now, in this moment, safety plans, no independence, no more riding your bike to school, It is not safe (IINS), no more after school aftercare hanging out with your friends, IINS, drop off time, pick up time with hand off from parent to school administrator, IINS, no screen time after 7 pm, no going to the movies unsupervised, no more going anywhere unsupervised, safety lock box for any medication in the house, lock up the knives, no ropes, no extension cords, no pencil sharpeners because they have blades, no personal female shavers, lock up the chemicals, lock up the dads tools, no scissors, no sharp objects, can't sleep alone, IINS, (mom & Meaghan sleep together) lock on parents bedroom door, no alone time, regimented schedule, micromanaged … please help”
Part 3: Asking for Help.
Denise and Jason are working closely with the school, the professionals, and Meaghan – who wants to get better! They have changed her diet, removed after hours ‘screen time’, and social media.
They are holding on, but things are slipping.
They’ve downsized their home and their belongings year after year, and are at wits end. Jason is looking for work, but with the immense stress of their family’s situation, he struggles to be able to put in extra time for a new position. Denise is considering dropping out of her last semester of grad school on her way to becoming a marine biologist. She is working part time as a student instructor to help keep the lights on.
Before tackling the seriously mounting medical bills, they need basic living funds – for rent, food, transportation, medicine, psychologists. Denise will graduate in the summer. Jason will find stable and sustainable work. Meaghan will heal and come to thrive.
We want to support them through all of this. We want to believe this is temporary, and that with help from you, our extended community, we can lift them up in love. In support. Financially, and through the power of prayer.
“love you, miss you, I am sad, I will write more tomorrow
TY for for talking to the family and for this idea. We really appreciate the help”
Like many of us, I am fiercely independent and believe I can do things on my own. It’s in my nature -- it was a huge part of my upbringing; my siblings are the same way. Lately, I’ve been learning that it doesn’t have to be all done by myself, and that we as humans LIKE to help each other. We are a communal species and we form communities all the time for that reason. And so today, I am reaching out to you, my community, for help in something I cannot do alone.
Today, I’d like to tell you about my sister Denise, my dear brother-in-law Jason, and my amazing 14-year-old niece Meaghan. They are three of the most sincere, loving, and truly giving people I know.
Today, they are struggling.
They are struggling with two suicide attempts by Meaghan due to long-term bullying at school, Jason is struggling to find and keep work after two successive layoffs, the family has had two major apartment moves in an effort to manage their lives and due to increased rents, and Denise is heroically working on obtaining her master’s degree while maintaining a job and trying to keep the lights on.
Have you heard of the rule of threes?
Things happen in a trio.
What will be their ‘three’? Can we make it be Friends, Family, and Community?
I’m writing on their behalf today; let us come together, -- family, friends, and community -- to offer a helping hand and pull them through this time of need.
We are asking for $25,000 to help them with basic living expenses (rent, food, transportation) and medical expenses (medicine, psychiatrists and psychologists, and hospital bills) for the next six months. This money will help Denise get a chance to finish her last semester in college and will help her on her way to a good job with more financial security. This money will help Jason know his family has a roof over their heads while he finds a new job. This money will help Meaghan focus on her mental health and recovery program.
Thank you for coming this far into their story; please be aware that intimate details from the family are shared below, and while heart-wrenching to read, are a genuine insight into their struggles.
Part 1: It Started With One, Just One Bully.
“Our daughter, Meaghan, was as close to normal as the rest of kids in her 5th grade class. She loved to read, played the violin, had good grades, was in Girl Scouts and had a crush on a boy in her class. She had friends, like “Sue”, but not a bestie. Well, not anymore as we discovered over time.
It started with wanting to be a bestie, wanting to belong, wanting and doing anything to be on the inside of a special group. But always being just a little on the outside. It came down to choosing between Meaghan and Sue to be in the group, and Sue was chosen. This friend did not fight for Meaghan’s friendship, she just let the group decide that Meaghan was not good enough. Meaghan was crushed. She started isolating herself from other schoolmates and they in turn thought she was weird and odd.
At one pinnacle moment a kid asked Meaghan "what is wrong with you?" mocking her, making fun of her and bullying her. She remembers running into the library and crying. This statement, what is wrong with you, has played over and over in her head for so many years now that it manifested into a personal statement, a belief and a way of life for Meaghan. She continues to ask this question, every time she enters into the darkness of suicide and self harm.”
Meaghan kept the bullying to herself. Her grandfather passed away. She suppressed her feelings, isolating herself further. Then her grandmother passed away. Meaghan started cutting herself, self harming to tragically cope with the continued bullying and the loss of her grandparents.
Around this time, the family moved to Florida so Denise could finish her master’s degree in Marine Biology. Jason was able to transfer in his job from Colorado to Florida, which was a huge blessing. They started out in in a town close to Denise’s school, and after a year in middle school, Meaghan was accepted into a high school program at a new school, a great school that offered a promise for her future and a hope that things could be better.
And then Jason was laid off.
Their insurance was canceled. The bullying flared up again. And then…
Part 2: Two - The Spiral
“Friday, Sept. 28th we get an emergency call from her school to have an intervention meeting with the crisis unit. In the front office, the principal doesn’t hesitate. She asks, ‘Did you know that your daughter tried to kill herself and that she is now formulating a new plan to do it again?’ … No, no, no we didn’t know. How is this possible? … If we as parents did not agree to voluntarily take Meaghan to an emergency room right then and there, then the decision of the crisis team was to ‘Baker act’ her against the wishes of anyone involved. 15 hours in the emergency room, blood work, evaluation, one nurse asking me why I have not done anything earlier than today and then an ambulance ride to the crisis center for adolescents in Broward County.
All I’m doing is crying right now. Her first attempt for suicide. She had left in the middle of the night, walked 2 miles down the road to an overpass by the everglades with a rope, ready to hang herself. … She came home, woke me up, crying. At some point later, about 2 weeks, she said God stopped her from hanging herself.”
A 5-day hospital stay, counseling, medications, meetings with the school. The bills racked up. But Meaghan seemed to showed a glimmer of hope; that she was willing to work on her mental health and get better.
So they moved. Further away from the college that my sister worked so hard to get into; away from the marine biology program she is months away from graduating from. They moved closer to the new school, into another apartment, and after a few months, Jason was working again.
Shortly after Christmas, the floor fell out from them again. Jason was laid off. Again. And things got worse.
A second suicide attempt. A second hospital stay. With no insurance and little other resources. Meaghan was getting worse. The lies, the self-harm, the panic attacks -- which brought about more hospital time, and psychiatrist visits, and psychological visits. And medicines.
“Teen suicide, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME, hopelessness, sadness, darkness, isolation, pain, not worthy, not good enough, should I be here, did I cause that, does she like me, does he like me, nervousness, hard to be around crowds, agitated, irritable, loneliness, disease, I am sick, I can't do extended periods of time with people, no motivation, lots of sleep, I'm Ok, I'm fine, today was good, lies, lies about school work, lies about screen time, lies about friends, lies about everything because it is just easier to agree with everyone than tell the truth, where is God, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired, I thought the medicine was going to fix me, if I could say it I would say it a thousand times, what is wrong with me, do you see my pain, anxiety, anxiety attacks, panic attacks, depression, manic depressive, manic bipolar, cutting, self harm, covering the scars, wearing long sleeve shirts, cutting where no one sees, psychologist, psychiatrist, social workers, family therapy appointments, cognitive behavioral therapy, hypnosis, sensory deprivation therapy, emergency rooms, behavioral centers, visitation hours, baker acts, police car rides, ambulance rides, the same questions over and over again....help, HELP HHHHEEEEELLLLLPPPP,
I can't write anymore, all I do is weep for my sweet 14 year old daughter. I see her pain, but I know it is nothing compared to what she feels.
Now, in this moment, safety plans, no independence, no more riding your bike to school, It is not safe (IINS), no more after school aftercare hanging out with your friends, IINS, drop off time, pick up time with hand off from parent to school administrator, IINS, no screen time after 7 pm, no going to the movies unsupervised, no more going anywhere unsupervised, safety lock box for any medication in the house, lock up the knives, no ropes, no extension cords, no pencil sharpeners because they have blades, no personal female shavers, lock up the chemicals, lock up the dads tools, no scissors, no sharp objects, can't sleep alone, IINS, (mom & Meaghan sleep together) lock on parents bedroom door, no alone time, regimented schedule, micromanaged … please help”
Part 3: Asking for Help.
Denise and Jason are working closely with the school, the professionals, and Meaghan – who wants to get better! They have changed her diet, removed after hours ‘screen time’, and social media.
They are holding on, but things are slipping.
They’ve downsized their home and their belongings year after year, and are at wits end. Jason is looking for work, but with the immense stress of their family’s situation, he struggles to be able to put in extra time for a new position. Denise is considering dropping out of her last semester of grad school on her way to becoming a marine biologist. She is working part time as a student instructor to help keep the lights on.
Before tackling the seriously mounting medical bills, they need basic living funds – for rent, food, transportation, medicine, psychologists. Denise will graduate in the summer. Jason will find stable and sustainable work. Meaghan will heal and come to thrive.
We want to support them through all of this. We want to believe this is temporary, and that with help from you, our extended community, we can lift them up in love. In support. Financially, and through the power of prayer.
“love you, miss you, I am sad, I will write more tomorrow
TY for for talking to the family and for this idea. We really appreciate the help”
Organizer and beneficiary
Dana Miller
Organizer
Erie, CO
Denise Swack
Beneficiary