- A
- M
- S
“You and your husband will never be able to have children together.” The statement that sent me quickly down a dark, dark path.
Like many “young” couples wanting to have children, you have to wait one year before you receive any medical assistance or even a referral to a specialist. While waiting those three hundred sixty-five days, you are guaranteed at least twelve days of grieving. Once those days pass, you receive an additional twelve more visualizing your potential future. It was the same cycle again and again. Then add the pandemic.
While everything in the world stopped, the pandemic stopped our little family from growing too. That twelve month wait quickly became fourteen months. Those two months of thinking about our future without distractions from teaching was a terror. I was worried about my students as well as my future family all while being stuck at home. At that time in the uncertainty of the world, we were unsure if the appointment would be moved another two months out. Twelve months or even fourteen months may not seem like a long time in the grand scheme of life. However, in nine months, I can bring a child’s reading level up two grade levels. I could even lose 16 pounds in two months if I had the willpower. In that same amount of time, a baby learns to smile and can start to recognize faces. It feels long when you are living it day to day.
When we did get into my doctor’s appointment at fourteen months, we were quickly handed off to a large hospital in St. Louis in regards to infertility. It felt like we were too much of a headache to even receive any medicine from the office in Springfield. A month later, we had a virtual appointment. Daniel and I were told there was a $10,000 surgery that had a 40% success rate. While he was hopeful, that $10,000 was going to be spent on getting the letter grade “F”. At the time in our journey, I was in a Bible study and vividly remember reading about Sarah-- God could make it happen for her. I luckily had many days of being hopeful while home sorting baby clothes gifted by my sister.
We quickly decided to get another opinion. Daniel and I told the second specialist about the $10,000 surgery option we were presented with. This doctor agreed that would be an option; however, that procedure had less than a 5% chance of ending with a healthy baby. That was the moment we were told we would never have biological children together. We "have hit the genetic lottery". If we went with this clinic, the price would be $25,000 using a donor or adopting an embryo. We were shocked about the price. We were heartbroken about our future. I was just devastated and felt very alone. Our only options were to have a donor or adopt embryos! What do we do now? That is a lot of money to conceive a child.
We paused our IVF journey at that time, and Daniel expressed that he didn’t care what avenue we took just as long as we have a family. We talked to the state of Missouri about Fostering to Adopt. That was an option, but the chances of getting an infant are near impossible. I knew in my heart that giving a child back to their parents would leave it broken. Fostering to Adopt was no longer an option on the table for us. We then talked to a state adoption agency, the price for national adoption was nearly $25,000 too.
This was around October in one of the hardest teaching years of my career. I felt lonely and forgotten and was going down the dark tunnel of depression. I would no longer accept baby clothes that my parents held for me and seeing a baby instantly put sadness into my heart. I was mad! Why was I having to walk through this path? I mourned the death of my future family.
While God puts people in our lives for a reason, I was given some women in my school building that told me to suck it up, and put my big girl pants on. I couldn’t have gotten this far on this journey without them by my side. I had to dry the tears. I read books on how to pray stronger and different adoption stories. More importantly, I started making decisions. I decided that I didn’t feel the need to carry a child for it to be our own. I had never visualized myself pregnant even though I’ve always seen a future with children running around. I decided that we would not be using a donor or adopt embryos.
My friend/coworker convinced me to try one more clinic in St. Louis. I scheduled an appointment with hesitation. While my story sounds similar to many others, we have a layer that makes our very unique. I didn’t need to see this doctor or talk to him unless he was going to tell us we could have children together. My decision was made and final! We would do international adoption. This would be a new, and exciting adventure for Daniel and I with the bonus of traveling together. I didn’t know how we were going to do it, but it didn’t matter.
We went to St. Louis and had our consultation. The doctor needed to complete some blood work on both of us. After receiving the blood work, this doctor said he was 75% sure that we would have a healthy baby after IVF. That’s a “C” everyone! I was happy-- no, ecstatic-- with a “C”. This clinic was also $8,000 cheaper. The doctor did want to have a donor as backup, just in case. I didn’t like that, but he gave us hope on having children. However, Daniel was so hopeful that we jumped right in. We paid the $500 non-refundable deposit. We didn’t know how or where we would get the money. It just felt right.
Since that appointment three months ago, Daniel has been taking three shots a week in the abdomen and my shots start on July 5th. We are going to exhaust all options for having the next Nalley.
If you can donate any amount, that would be greatly appreciated. Insurance doesn't cover a dime. Your name will go on the back of a puzzle piece that will be displayed in our nursery. Our goal is to complete the puzzle for our little one. If you can’t help financially, please pray hard for us! Pray that we have several embryos and the surgery goes well for me. My surgery will be taking place the third week of July. This has been an extremely difficult journey that I never thought we would have to walk. I didn’t know if I could make it some days, while other days I have to resist the urge to buy anything baby related. We were very reluctant to even put our story on the internet, but hopeful that it can help someone else.
Like many “young” couples wanting to have children, you have to wait one year before you receive any medical assistance or even a referral to a specialist. While waiting those three hundred sixty-five days, you are guaranteed at least twelve days of grieving. Once those days pass, you receive an additional twelve more visualizing your potential future. It was the same cycle again and again. Then add the pandemic.
While everything in the world stopped, the pandemic stopped our little family from growing too. That twelve month wait quickly became fourteen months. Those two months of thinking about our future without distractions from teaching was a terror. I was worried about my students as well as my future family all while being stuck at home. At that time in the uncertainty of the world, we were unsure if the appointment would be moved another two months out. Twelve months or even fourteen months may not seem like a long time in the grand scheme of life. However, in nine months, I can bring a child’s reading level up two grade levels. I could even lose 16 pounds in two months if I had the willpower. In that same amount of time, a baby learns to smile and can start to recognize faces. It feels long when you are living it day to day.
When we did get into my doctor’s appointment at fourteen months, we were quickly handed off to a large hospital in St. Louis in regards to infertility. It felt like we were too much of a headache to even receive any medicine from the office in Springfield. A month later, we had a virtual appointment. Daniel and I were told there was a $10,000 surgery that had a 40% success rate. While he was hopeful, that $10,000 was going to be spent on getting the letter grade “F”. At the time in our journey, I was in a Bible study and vividly remember reading about Sarah-- God could make it happen for her. I luckily had many days of being hopeful while home sorting baby clothes gifted by my sister.
We quickly decided to get another opinion. Daniel and I told the second specialist about the $10,000 surgery option we were presented with. This doctor agreed that would be an option; however, that procedure had less than a 5% chance of ending with a healthy baby. That was the moment we were told we would never have biological children together. We "have hit the genetic lottery". If we went with this clinic, the price would be $25,000 using a donor or adopting an embryo. We were shocked about the price. We were heartbroken about our future. I was just devastated and felt very alone. Our only options were to have a donor or adopt embryos! What do we do now? That is a lot of money to conceive a child.
We paused our IVF journey at that time, and Daniel expressed that he didn’t care what avenue we took just as long as we have a family. We talked to the state of Missouri about Fostering to Adopt. That was an option, but the chances of getting an infant are near impossible. I knew in my heart that giving a child back to their parents would leave it broken. Fostering to Adopt was no longer an option on the table for us. We then talked to a state adoption agency, the price for national adoption was nearly $25,000 too.
This was around October in one of the hardest teaching years of my career. I felt lonely and forgotten and was going down the dark tunnel of depression. I would no longer accept baby clothes that my parents held for me and seeing a baby instantly put sadness into my heart. I was mad! Why was I having to walk through this path? I mourned the death of my future family.
While God puts people in our lives for a reason, I was given some women in my school building that told me to suck it up, and put my big girl pants on. I couldn’t have gotten this far on this journey without them by my side. I had to dry the tears. I read books on how to pray stronger and different adoption stories. More importantly, I started making decisions. I decided that I didn’t feel the need to carry a child for it to be our own. I had never visualized myself pregnant even though I’ve always seen a future with children running around. I decided that we would not be using a donor or adopt embryos.
My friend/coworker convinced me to try one more clinic in St. Louis. I scheduled an appointment with hesitation. While my story sounds similar to many others, we have a layer that makes our very unique. I didn’t need to see this doctor or talk to him unless he was going to tell us we could have children together. My decision was made and final! We would do international adoption. This would be a new, and exciting adventure for Daniel and I with the bonus of traveling together. I didn’t know how we were going to do it, but it didn’t matter.
We went to St. Louis and had our consultation. The doctor needed to complete some blood work on both of us. After receiving the blood work, this doctor said he was 75% sure that we would have a healthy baby after IVF. That’s a “C” everyone! I was happy-- no, ecstatic-- with a “C”. This clinic was also $8,000 cheaper. The doctor did want to have a donor as backup, just in case. I didn’t like that, but he gave us hope on having children. However, Daniel was so hopeful that we jumped right in. We paid the $500 non-refundable deposit. We didn’t know how or where we would get the money. It just felt right.
Since that appointment three months ago, Daniel has been taking three shots a week in the abdomen and my shots start on July 5th. We are going to exhaust all options for having the next Nalley.
If you can donate any amount, that would be greatly appreciated. Insurance doesn't cover a dime. Your name will go on the back of a puzzle piece that will be displayed in our nursery. Our goal is to complete the puzzle for our little one. If you can’t help financially, please pray hard for us! Pray that we have several embryos and the surgery goes well for me. My surgery will be taking place the third week of July. This has been an extremely difficult journey that I never thought we would have to walk. I didn’t know if I could make it some days, while other days I have to resist the urge to buy anything baby related. We were very reluctant to even put our story on the internet, but hopeful that it can help someone else.