The loss of Lennon

Hi, My name is Julia I recently lost my son suddenly on October 4th. It started with a regular OB appointment and ended being the worst day of my life. Prior to this I had a loss in April as well but with Lennon I was much further along. We took every test to assure us Lennon was healthy and nothing was going to happen to him for piece of mind. He passed every first and second trimester milestone with flying colors , every appointment was perfect nothing was a concern not with him or I. The morning of October 4th I went in for a routine checkup and was so excited only to be told Lennons heart was no longer beating. From there on I was told I needed to be induced and give birth to my baby who was gone.

Michael and I made arrangements for our two children ( Blayke and Memphis) and headed to the hospital with so much fear . I had them double check via ultrasound to make sure it was true for our own mental sanity. Theres alot im not ready to talk about.. even this is hard, asking for help is hard but im trying to help my family.

By 10:31 pm that night I birthed Lennon. No one ever prepares you to give birth so soon or to your baby who was dead. I was so scared but pushed through and had him. I held him and cried to him and apologized to him. I only had a short period of time with him because alot needed to be done. Creamtion service needed to be taken care of, our children needed us, life continued on and we had to go along with life.

Michael ( Lennons Father) Works full time and provides for us as he is the only income. His work gives 3 days paid for loss of a child and any leave after is unpaid. As a one income family we cannot do that. I am making this in hopes that if you are able you can help my family grieve and have time to be together. I need him with me at this time . I have a long history of PPD , anxiety, and depression, and right now do not feel okay being alone right now caring for two toddlers alone after losing my baby.

There is so much around us going on. We have two kids to feed and care for and right now it feels impossible. Our hearts are broken , we do not know how to cope but I needed to try to buy us some time to grieve and to mourn our son. There are other charges im sure that will come up regarding this and typically this is not something I would do but I am asking our community to come together for us . Anything helps , even kind words.

Its so traumatizing to lose a child.

Any child. I went through labor and delivered a baby, my baby who was no longer alive. | held my dead baby & kissed him & apologized a lot. The hard part is coming back home with no baby. The hard part is going back to life and trying to be normal because people cant take you greiving if you have other kids to live for. I'm taking care of my other babies while mourning my other baby.

Please pray for us, pray for baby Lennon and our children. Say as many prayers for us as you can.