The Great Honky Talkin' Billboard Funraiser

Hello, I'm obviously Tyler Lance Walker Gill, America's best and only Tonk Show Host. I'm gonna cut to the chase here: this show is ready to launch into the stratosphere. To get the ball rolling our inevitable rise to local and soon-thereafter national prominence, we need a little "kickstart" (we're using gofundme because the fees are less).

We have our finger on the pulse here at Honky Talkin'. We know what's hip, we know what's cool, we even know about BRAT. Since we started this show, we've completely dominated every social media space. Across at least 3 different platforms, we have tens of followers. The kids love us, fr, fr, no cap.

We understand marketing, perhaps better than any other Tonk Show in history. It's been years since social media disrupted and dominated the advertising space. Being the trendsetters we are, we don't play by "the rules." We see what's coming years before it's cool, and we pounce like hungry tigers.

Pop quiz, hot shot, what's the coolest trend amongst the kids right now? Yes you're right it's the 1990's. The future is the past, and the past is the present, which clearly means we need to purchase advertising space on a physical billboard.

That's where you, the die hard fans, my real deal Honky Talkaholics come in. Billboards are expensive, and all my money is tied up in very lucrative stocks and real estate. I'm not liquid right now. We need a "loan" (gift) so we can get a billboard, and we need a billboard so we can claim our rightful place as the most important show in this city's history.

We've done a deep dive on the local billboard industry, and we are now professionals in the field. Here's what we've learned. Billboard prices span quite a wide range, from as low as $375, to as high as $10,000. We've set our goal in the middle at $7,000. Close enough to the middle, anyway.

Billboard prices are based on two things: size and location. For $375 we can get a small billboard in a shitty location. For $7,000 we can get a huge billboard on the side of I-65. We could potentially even get a digital billboard inside the airport - maybe we can be the ad after Jack Harlow at the baggage claim, we're shooting for the moon.

As enormous fans of the show, I know you're already clamoring for your wallets. You don't need any reward other than seeing the billboard made real, I get it. However, I decided to add some unnecessary incentives as delicious little cherries on top. Here's a few rewards for the truly serious donors:

$100 - You get nothing. This should be the minimum donation.

$250 - I will shake your hand. No pictures of the hand shake.

$500 - I will name you as a producer of Honky Talkin' on the billboard and on 3 future full episodes on YouTube.

$1,000 - Now you're an Executive Producer, and your title is capitalized. Congratulations on your promotion.

$2,000 - Platinum Honky Talkin' Membership achieved. You can now come to sound check every week. You'll receive your Platinum Membership Card in the mail in 12-16 weeks. Must show card at sound check.

$5,000 - You are now the CEO of Honky Talkin'. You are my boss.

$10,000 - I will quit the show and pocket the money.