Tanner Bradshaw Memorial Fund

We suddenly lost Tanner Bradshaw yesterday, November 24, 2019. Because his death was so unexpected, we would like to set up this campaign to help his beautiful wife and baby boy. Tanner’s sister explained his passing perfectly: 

I lost my baby brother last night. Anytime someone dies, especially when they are so young, I know there are so many questions floating around. I feel that I would be remiss if I didn't let those who knew and loved Tanner know what happened. You all deserve to know, if you would like to.

Maybe social media isn't the best way to do this but I can't bring myself to talk much right now and feel that perhaps this is the best way to spread the word quickly and hope that no false information is spread. Although, this may be hard for some to hear.

The truth is, Tanner died from depression. It is something that he has struggled with for many years. As kids, we went through some pretty traumatic stuff during the divorce of our parents but his depression ran deeper than that. You see, depression isn't just "in your head." It isn't just something you get over. It can be a life long battle for some. It is often a chemical imbalance that needs to be treated with medication and sometimes more. He was on medication for it and had been to therapy many times. Over the years, depression has led him to not making the best decisions, including previous attempts at suicide. He also had ADHD and a learning disorder that he took medication for.

All of this, his other demons, and the loss of our father last year seems to have been too much. We knew he had been struggling but we failed him because we didn't know it had become this bad. In fact, we all thought he was finally starting to do better the last couple of months. I know it's no one's fault. He was sick and he was hurting. He didn't think there was another option. He thought it would be better for him and for us.

I admit I've been struggling with my emotions. I find myself trying not to be angry. He had a wife and child, he had friends and family that loved him, he had responsibilities. How could he do this? How? Why didn't he call me? Why didn't I call him? Didn't he think about us? Didn't he think about the hole he'd leave in our hearts? Didn't he care about how we felt? How we need him here? The truth is, he probably didn't think about any of this. He was in too much pain. He was too sick. He wasn't in the right state of mind to think about how his decision would hurt others. Depression does that to you. It plays tricks on your mind that can lead to deadly consequences.

In reality, I know he didn't mean to hurt anyone. He didn't want to. I know he didn't want to leave his wife and child. He loved them so much. I know he did. He was a great father and his son was the light of his life. He was just too far gone and wasn't thinking right.

Tanner's depression led him to take his own life. Suicide didn't kill him. Depression did. I'll never forget this night, just in case I ever get to the low point Tanner was at. I will remember this pain and resolve to never let my family feel it again. I will remember that no matter what I think, my family would be lost without me. I will remember that I am loved. I hope you remember too. No matter what you think, there is always someone who loves you and can't bare the thought of losing you. So if you ever get this low, find the ones that love you and never forget that you are loved.

Tanner will always be in my heart. For now, I want to remember the little boy who was so excited to be Link for Halloween that he wore his costume for a solid month, running around the neighborhood with his little toy sword.
He loved Zelda. One time, he Lincoln, and I were trying to beat a level on the Zelda Game Boy game. It was Tanner's turn and when he found a red rupee he got so excited that he yelled, "I got the red booby! I got the red booby!" Lincoln and I laughed hysterically at the fear in his eyes once he realized what he said, sure he would be in so much trouble for saying booby.
He always loved dogs so much. Until we finally got one, he would steal our neighbor's whenever they were out of town.
I went to Florida to visit a cousin with my mom and Tanner one year. We went to the beach, did an air boat tour of the Everglades, got lost in the deep redneck south of Florida, and went to Disney World. It has always been one of my most favorite trips.
He loved music. Singing was one of his favorite things to do. He'd sing at the top of his lungs. He'd sing Gavroche's part from Les Mis like his life depended on it. It drove us all crazy.

I'll make sure my son grows up knowing how much his uncle Tanner loved him. I'll also make sure that Tanner's son William will know who his father was and that his daddy loved him so so much. My heart is broken for the loss of my baby brother in this life. I know eventually this will get easier. I find comfort in my husband and son. I find comfort in my faith. I know that death is not the end and that I will see Tanner again. I'm thankful every day for that gift from Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.