Towards the end of last year, Mom went in for a past-due mammogram. Five months, three surgeries, four drainage tubes, uncountable medications and one boob later, she's just getting started getting healthy again. And we can't do it alone. The road ahead breaks down to nearly 20 weeks of chemo, three months of radiation, months of horomone therapy....lost hair, lost time, lost body parts, and yes, lost money.
In my words: it sucks. It hurts. It's as unfair and poorly timed as cancer always is.
In Mom's words. . . "It’s been 23 weeks since I stopped in for a mammogram… Over the course of these last 110 days, I have been diagnosed with Stage 3 Breast Cancer, subsequently lost my left breast, most function under my left arm, hair loss and then there is the loss of myself… dignity.
You ask me how I am feeling? How do I respond? “Fine, fine”, just like any other day, it’s the expected response. How do I really feel?
I feel tired, this a result of the chemo cocktail designed specifically for my strain of cancer.
I feel emotionally drained… I still haven’t “accepted” the scar that decorates my chest where a breast used to be.
I feel like the road ahead of me is going to be so very long and if I’m this tired already, how will I make it to the end?
I feel numb and in a state of shock still, by all that has taken place in such a short period of time.
I feel overwhelmed by the myriad of EOB’s and medical bills rolling in, as tracking them is a full- time job in itself… I know this from experience.
I feel afraid, I don’t want to die.
Mostly I feel like I shouldn’t tell anyone any of this… I am supposed to be “strong”.
So, if you ask me how I am, and I say “fine”, you will now know that I’m just not wanting to burden you with my “truth”."
Anything you can do will help us get back to feeling, not just fine, but truly groovy.
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