Every day, 6 Australian families have a stillborn baby. On 4 June 2021 at 3:25pm our family was one of the 6.
From the second trimester of pregnancy, we experienced ongoing medical complications with our monochorionic twin girls, Honor and Alessandra.
Honor (Latin meaning “woman of virtue”) had been experiencing an uncontrollable internal haemorrhage for several weeks. As a result, she underwent a difficult and selfless procedure to give her twin sister a fighting chance at living. Sadly, she could not survive this selective reduction procedure.
Alessandra (Italian meaning “protector”) had also been selfless, supplying blood to Honor for some weeks to try and help her overcome her haemorrhage. Although this came at considerable cost to her, Alessandra was otherwise healthy. When Honor passed away, Alessandra’s health rapidly and inexplicably declined. In another act of remarkable loyalty, Alessandra followed her twin and passed away shortly after Honor.
Honor and Alessandra were tenacious in their connection and their love for each other was undeniable. We were blessed to know Honor and Alessandra, even for the briefest of time and are so grateful for what they have taught us - their little lives embodied kindness, support, strength, and love.
As you most likely know, Paul and I are both Clinical Psychologists that have specialised training in trauma. Between us we have worked with many mums, dads, and families that have experienced the horror of losing a child. I, in particular, work with a lot of women who have experienced miscarriage and stillbirth. Despite our training and experience, to find ourselves on the other side of this equation, was something we could never prepare for. The darkness of stillbirth and the immense grief that follows feels insurmountable.
For us there have been three things that have made our load a little lighter:
1. “Bears of Hope”
The hospital gave us 2 Bears of Hope. These plush teddy bears are gifted to families experiencing stillbirth from another family that has also experienced stillbirth. We were able to take our Bears of Hope home to our 4-year-old daughter, Isabella. When we broke the news to her, we explained that although the twins could not come home, they had sent her these Bears to let her know they were sorry they could not come home and they still loved her very much. These Bears have brought unexpected comfort and joy for Isabella. She plays with them, talks to them about the twins, and sleeps with them. 
Bears of Hope Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support are an Australian not-for-profit organisation that support families who experience the loss of their baby. In addition to Bears of Hope, they provide counselling, telephone crisis support, and support groups and events.
2. Professor Jon Hyett and the RPA Fetal Medicine Unit
Jon Hyett and his team at RPA provided us with the upmost care throughout our experience. They provided direct and thorough explanations, in the most compassionate way, to each of our many questions. In the scariest of times, we felt professionally and personally safe in their care. When Honor and Alessandra passed away, their level of compassion and care reached new heights. These guys work with high risk pregnancies everyday, and inherently this work has a much higher likelihood of devastating outcomes - fetal and in some cases maternal death is a reality. Jon, his consultants, and midwives have a bloody hard job, yet somehow, their humaneness, compassion, and understanding is unfailing.
3. Family, Friends, Colleagues
We consider ourselves incredibly lucky to have the people around us that we do. We are so grateful for the kindness, support, strength, and love we have received from our family, friends, and colleagues - gestures which perfectly capture the spirit shown by our beautiful twins. As the days pass and people reach out to us we have come to realise that many of those around us have also experienced stillbirth and although we are in the darkest of places, we are here in the best of company. We are blessed with the type of support that money cannot buy.
What money can do however, is provide support to other families that experience stillbirth.
While we are so appreciative of the love and support we have been shown, as an alternative to flowers, we ask you to consider adding to the donations we will be making to Bears of Hope and the RPA Fetal Medicine Unit.
Our Goals
We have been truly humbled by people's generosity so far and as such have extended our goals below.
Bears of Hope ensure that when a family walks out of hospital without their baby, their arms are not empty. They let you know that you are not alone and there are other families out there that know your pain and are ready to support you. It also allows the donating family to give their own child’s brief life a purpose and lasting legacy.
A Bear of Hope costs $25 – and 6 are needed everyday. That equals $150 per day.
1 day = $150 (6 families)
3 days = $450 (18 families)
5 days = $750 (30 families)
7 days =$1050 (42 families)
We’d like to cover as many days as we can and are going to kick things off with a donation of $150 to cover 1 day.
These Bears of Hope will be donated in memory of Honor and Alessandra. If you or someone you know has experienced a miscarriage or stillbirth and you would be comfortable sharing your story (“Baby’s Name” or “Baby Of….” and DOB), we will ensure Bears are also donated in memory of these loved and lost babies.
Jon Hyett and the RPA Fetal Medicine Unit are a team of amazing humans. Long consultations, private rooms with 24-hour support, Obstetric Support, Perinatal Psychiatry, Obstetric Anaesthesiology, 1:1 Midwifery care, are all considered the minimum standard for families experiencing stillbirth.
Since kicking off this fundraiser, we have reached and exceeded our initial goal of raising $1050, which covers the costs of supplying 42 Bears Of Hope - the number needed to give one bear to each family that will experience stillbirth in in a 7 day period. Any extra funds raised we had pledged to Jon Hyett and the RPA Fetal Medicine Unit. After speaking with Jon and the nursing team, they have requested the funds be used for two purposes:
Family Lounge
Firstly, to furnish a small lounge area for families experiencing stillbirth. This area would be in the delivery suite where the stillbirth occurs and could be used by families as a space to make precious memories with their babies. Our hope is that this could be both a comfortable and beautiful space for saying hello, taking treasured photographs, and saying heartbreaking goodbyes.
To reach this goal we have increased our overall target amount to $5000.
Research
Remaining funds would be used to support staff training pertinent to high risk fetal medicine. Any funds exceeding $5000 will be dedicated to research and training.
As Clinical Psychologists with research backgrounds, these goals mean a lot to Paul and I. The Bears of Hope and Family Lounge area support those families that experience stillbirth, and the training/research helps minimise these awful outcomes.
Donations of even the smallest amount are greatly appreciated and we thank you from the bottom of hearts for your generosity in loving memory of Honor and Alessandra Williams.
Karlye, Paul, and Isabella xoxo