Support Ayyash to Finish his Psychology Degree
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Hi everyone, my name is Ahmad Ayyasy Ridho. I am a 19-year old student from Indonesia currently studying in Istanbul, Turkey. When I’m not studying, I volunteer as a human resource officer at an NGO called Istanbul&I. It is my dream to become a psychologist and I am pursuing a psychology degree at Uskudar University in Turkey.
Since age 14 I have been disowned by my family for being gay and have been struggling to make ends meet, as well as, to pay for my education during these tough times. I’ve been devoted to my studies because I know that a good education is my best chance at bettering my life.
My aunt, who was my major source of financial support and last link to family, lost her battle with cancer this year and passed away. Her death has made this year one of the most difficult times of my life and I have not been able to give my full attention to my studies because of my dire financial situation and grief. At this time, I need your support so that I can focus on my education, heal from my recent traumas, and move towards a brighter future.
As someone who has experienced many traumatic events in their life, it is my ultimate goal to use my Psychology degree to create mental health programs for others who are in need, such as refugees. If you have time to read my story, please read on.
Growing up Gay in Indonesia:
Growing up in Indonesia as a gay man was brutal. I faced immense physical and mental bullying at school which shattered my confidence and left me feeling worthless. On top of that at the age of 12, I was abused by an authority figure which further led to my complete isolation within my country, from my family and most importantly from myself.
Despite this I tried to continue with life as best as I could, but this became impossible when, at age 14, I was disowned by my family due to my sexual orientation, as well as, their refusal to deal with my assault. I felt so abandoned and hopeless knowing that even my mom, who brought me into this world, rejected me and my cries for help. I was suicidal to the point that I was hospitalized several times for my attempts to end my own life. It was after this dark time, where my paternal aunt came into my life to love and support me.
My Aunt’s Battle with Cancer and Discovering Volunteering:
My aunt filled the role of my parents and was the only person who provided me with the mental and financial support I needed. I lived with her for 3 years and those years shaped me into the person I am now and helped me realize my passion for Psychology. While living with her, she took me to different countries to help me be more confident about my sexual orientation and those experiences helped me decide to leave Indonesia to continue my studies in Turkey.
Growing up, my aunt taught me always to be kind and helpful to people, so the moment I moved to Turkey I joined an NGO called Istanbul&I, a youth volunteering community that allowed me to give back to the community. Thanks to Istanbul&I, I managed a project called Qnushyo where we assisted refugee children by providing them educational workshops. Through Istanbul&I, I was able to work with hundreds of people from all walks of life, some facing very difficult situations. My work with this NGO gave me a chance to meet young people who I could relate to, giving me the support that I longed for, which helped me to start healing from my childhood traumas.
It was all getting better until in 2018 my aunt was diagnosed with breast and lung cancer. As her health deteriorated and her medical bills grew, it became increasingly difficult for her to share her income with me. She even postponed her initial treatments to continue to support me financially. Yet, I couldn’t sit back and watch her go through this, so at the age of 18 I started working 2 jobs while studying, one at a translation company and another at a tourism company in order to support myself and ease her financial expenses.
On the 8th of January 2020, she succumbed to her illness and passed away. Her death was soul-crushing for me. She was the only family I had and my only source of support. Now I am more alone than I have ever been. Her death has had a devastating effect on my life emotionally, mentally, and financially.
My Financial Issues:
My aunt’s death in combination with this pandemic has prevented me from working both of my jobs. I am struggling to pay my rent and tuition fees. Whilst I am able to raise some money from time to time with the help of sponsors and friends, it is nowhere near enough. My financial situation is dire and has affected my mental health and other aspects of my life greatly. Not only did I not have time to grieve properly, the events from this year have also brought up a lot of emotions and trauma from my childhood.
My goals and giving back
Today I am working to heal while still maintaining my studies and ad hoc jobs, but this is still not enough. My financial situation has left me sleeping on friends’ couches, moving my stuff around from place to place and really struggling to even buy my own groceries. What was most important to my aunt, and to me, is that I complete my studies and achieve my goal of becoming a psychologist. Mental health is so important to me, and I want to be part of the efforts that normalize these discussions and support vulnerable people. With your support, I plan to work in a field where I can help the refugee community, particularly the LGBT refugee community. I can no longer do this by myself and I need to ask for your help at this time. I have created a detailed budget of what I need to continue to pursue my education. I know that by having some stability, I can use this time to heal and gain the strength I need to be of service to others, which is my greatest dream.
I have included a budget with my expenses in detail to show where the money is going. I have enlisted the help of my legal guardian, Derya, in managing this money. I will be given monthly payments through her so I do not ever spend over my budget.
Since age 14 I have been disowned by my family for being gay and have been struggling to make ends meet, as well as, to pay for my education during these tough times. I’ve been devoted to my studies because I know that a good education is my best chance at bettering my life.
My aunt, who was my major source of financial support and last link to family, lost her battle with cancer this year and passed away. Her death has made this year one of the most difficult times of my life and I have not been able to give my full attention to my studies because of my dire financial situation and grief. At this time, I need your support so that I can focus on my education, heal from my recent traumas, and move towards a brighter future.
As someone who has experienced many traumatic events in their life, it is my ultimate goal to use my Psychology degree to create mental health programs for others who are in need, such as refugees. If you have time to read my story, please read on.
Growing up Gay in Indonesia:
Growing up in Indonesia as a gay man was brutal. I faced immense physical and mental bullying at school which shattered my confidence and left me feeling worthless. On top of that at the age of 12, I was abused by an authority figure which further led to my complete isolation within my country, from my family and most importantly from myself.
Despite this I tried to continue with life as best as I could, but this became impossible when, at age 14, I was disowned by my family due to my sexual orientation, as well as, their refusal to deal with my assault. I felt so abandoned and hopeless knowing that even my mom, who brought me into this world, rejected me and my cries for help. I was suicidal to the point that I was hospitalized several times for my attempts to end my own life. It was after this dark time, where my paternal aunt came into my life to love and support me.
My Aunt’s Battle with Cancer and Discovering Volunteering:
My aunt filled the role of my parents and was the only person who provided me with the mental and financial support I needed. I lived with her for 3 years and those years shaped me into the person I am now and helped me realize my passion for Psychology. While living with her, she took me to different countries to help me be more confident about my sexual orientation and those experiences helped me decide to leave Indonesia to continue my studies in Turkey.
Growing up, my aunt taught me always to be kind and helpful to people, so the moment I moved to Turkey I joined an NGO called Istanbul&I, a youth volunteering community that allowed me to give back to the community. Thanks to Istanbul&I, I managed a project called Qnushyo where we assisted refugee children by providing them educational workshops. Through Istanbul&I, I was able to work with hundreds of people from all walks of life, some facing very difficult situations. My work with this NGO gave me a chance to meet young people who I could relate to, giving me the support that I longed for, which helped me to start healing from my childhood traumas.
It was all getting better until in 2018 my aunt was diagnosed with breast and lung cancer. As her health deteriorated and her medical bills grew, it became increasingly difficult for her to share her income with me. She even postponed her initial treatments to continue to support me financially. Yet, I couldn’t sit back and watch her go through this, so at the age of 18 I started working 2 jobs while studying, one at a translation company and another at a tourism company in order to support myself and ease her financial expenses.
On the 8th of January 2020, she succumbed to her illness and passed away. Her death was soul-crushing for me. She was the only family I had and my only source of support. Now I am more alone than I have ever been. Her death has had a devastating effect on my life emotionally, mentally, and financially.
My Financial Issues:
My aunt’s death in combination with this pandemic has prevented me from working both of my jobs. I am struggling to pay my rent and tuition fees. Whilst I am able to raise some money from time to time with the help of sponsors and friends, it is nowhere near enough. My financial situation is dire and has affected my mental health and other aspects of my life greatly. Not only did I not have time to grieve properly, the events from this year have also brought up a lot of emotions and trauma from my childhood.
My goals and giving back
Today I am working to heal while still maintaining my studies and ad hoc jobs, but this is still not enough. My financial situation has left me sleeping on friends’ couches, moving my stuff around from place to place and really struggling to even buy my own groceries. What was most important to my aunt, and to me, is that I complete my studies and achieve my goal of becoming a psychologist. Mental health is so important to me, and I want to be part of the efforts that normalize these discussions and support vulnerable people. With your support, I plan to work in a field where I can help the refugee community, particularly the LGBT refugee community. I can no longer do this by myself and I need to ask for your help at this time. I have created a detailed budget of what I need to continue to pursue my education. I know that by having some stability, I can use this time to heal and gain the strength I need to be of service to others, which is my greatest dream.
I have included a budget with my expenses in detail to show where the money is going. I have enlisted the help of my legal guardian, Derya, in managing this money. I will be given monthly payments through her so I do not ever spend over my budget.
Organizer
Sarah Khalbuss
Organizer
New York, NY