Support a Mentally Disabled Life to Stay Alive

To the many kind hearts out there,

My Venmo is @everafterjen

Hi, my name is Jennie. I’m a 43 year old single female that is doing my best while mentally and physically disabled. Normally I wouldn’t do something like this; but I’ve been chronically severely burnt out. I’ve tried everything, but I’m still here mentally disabled with my brain in a wheelchair. I’ve kept my story pretty private until now and I will share some of it with you, but first…..

**Your donations will help a mentally and physically disabled single woman survive until I’m hopefully approved for disability benefits.

I want to be able to take care of myself mentally and physically the way I want to, but having to work, I am unable to. But I am trying to find a part time job. 

My story isn’t a positive one, which seems to turn people off. But I’m the one that has to live my life. And it sucks. My trauma and mental illnesses have given me a life I hate. I am mentally ill and physically ill. I am in daily pain. If you know me, then you know I’ve been outwardly very positive and caring towards others all the time. No one would know I’ve struggled this way my whole life. I’ve struggled my whole life in silence. I was finally able to start getting mental help in 2004. I’ve learned and grown a lot, but my suicidal ideation and tendencies have not gone away. I finally attempted suicide in September 2022 and also September 2023, but unfortunately survived. I’ve tried 20+ meds, 19 mental health professionals, TMS, VNS implant, Ketamine, been hospitalized, done groups, etc. I still want to die. This world is an awful place for me to live in. I live in survival mode every single day. The shell of my body and who I am walks around all day pretending to be functioning, while I’m dead inside. I’ve reached a point where I’ve had to stop working and have applied for Social Security disability benefits. I will still have to work a part time job for me to survive financially. And I’m currently trying to find that part-time job. Independence means everything to me, so going through this and having to rely on others is very difficult for me. And I will never move in with my parents. I am FORCED to survive this life even when I don’t want to be here. 

I am overwhelmed and burnt out from living this life. I know everyone has to work and pay bills, but they have reasons and hope to do so; they have spouses and families to go home to and spend time with. They are able to have normal connections with others (that they take for granted). They are able to feel love and acceptance. I do not have the capability of feeling these things in my life.

I am mentally disabled and diagnosed by the state as SMI (serious mental illness). I have major depression (severe), anxiety, Borderline Personality disorder, OCD, ADD, depersonalization, self harm, etc. And physically, I have stage 3 chronic kidney disease with a tiny left kidney (chronic UTI’s starting at age 2), high blood pressure, fibromyalgia, chronic pain syndrome, chronic fatigue syndrome, morbidly obese, sleep apnea-use CPAP, GERD, degenerative disc disease (with my first herniation starting at age 14 and happened every 6-12 months for years), arthritis, enlarged liver with fatty liver disease, gallbladder with gallstones, etc. I’ve had 10 surgeries; including recently having my gallbladder removed in December 2024. I just can’t do it anymore and I don’t understand how everyone else can. 

I am literally not capable of thriving in this life. 

I am mentally in a wheelchair.

I was desperate when I started this fundraiser, and I have to keep it going; it’s your support and love that is pushing me forward. I CAN’T do this by myself; I can’t keep myself going. I need you! I need ALL of you! YOU are my hope!

I feel trapped with NO way out of this life. I’ve lost all hope…, but I still see my therapist (twice a week) and psychiatrist every 4 weeks, among many other doctors and specialists. I am STILL trying. And reaching out to the public for help gives me more reluctance to hurt myself.

I APPRECIATE ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO OFFER!!! Any donation and a share is greatly appreciated! 

Thank you my friends!! I love you!!

“This world is not for me, and I am not meant for this world; yet here I am, forced to be where I don’t belong.”

~Jennie Cunningham

My Venmo is @everafterjen

Sincerely,

Jennie Cunningham