Support Zeph's Journey to Live Freely

Hi, I will use my online name of Zeph because, to be honest, there are people in my life who would purposely sabotage me in this effort just for the fun of watching me continue to be miserable.

I'm a 48-year-old pansexual man who was born and raised in a very rural area in the foothills of North Carolina. I always knew from the time I was about 8 that I liked both men and women and, in that time, in this area, that meant I had to hide myself and my truth from everyone, even my parents, who have passed on now. It's late in life to try to get a start, but at the urging of my therapist, I've decided to do just that.

Even though I've been unable to live the life I wanted, I've had a strange and interesting life filled with tragedy, heartache, disappointment, and some of what most would call miracles. I've told my stories to others and been encouraged to write a book, but just recently, someone suggested something else: going to California and pitching the stories to producers to create a series.

I've recently had a health issue that has made me face my mortality in a more concrete way than ever before, and if my days are numbered, I want to go out with a bang. These ailments combined with the destitution caused by the loss of the family home after the passing of my parents has left me broke, homeless, and because of the stigma of not only being homeless but also part of the alphabet mafia, pretty much unable to get a job. It feels as if I walk through town with a scarlet letter on my forehead.

I'm trying to get money to pay off my few debts here in NC and fund my trip across the country to California to see if I might be able to catch the eye or ear of someone that could be interested in my story. More than that, I live in a town where Pride Month means that there has been a total of 5 flags outside individual homes, but none outside businesses or other facilities like libraries. The LGBTQ community here isn't celebrated, it's tolerated at best. If you have money or connections, you will be accepted by some groups, but a majority still look down on you and will definitely do things against you since you are an "abomination".

I want to see what life is like in an area where there are actual parties, parades and marches to celebrate the person I've always known myself to be but have always been too bound by family or fear to be. I want to finally have a chance to live, and I'm asking for your help to do just that. If there is interest and response, I'll even document and share the process with donors and eventually even make a YouTube video or something to share it with others.

Funds will first go towards paying off my current liabilities here at home (roughly $1000), then towards clothes and luggage suitable for travel as well as a decent phone to stay connected and document the adventure. I intend to travel as cheaply as possible, taking buses or even catching rides with drivers heading in the direction I'm going. I don't just want to make a direct trip to California because I've never really traveled in my life. I've never actually been out in the ocean (only been to the sounds of NC once many years ago). Any trips I've done were very short with no time to see sites or explore and I'd like to take the time to do a little of that and maybe even connect with some people that I've met online over the years if they are agreeable.

I'm sorry if this is rambling, but I've never been all that good at asking for help; I was always the one giving the help.

The saying goes "It gets better" but so far in my life, I haven't seen it. Maybe you can help change that. Thanks for reading.