You know how sometimes you buy a luxury upgrade and think, "This will last forever"? Well, my warranty just expired in the most visible way possible.

Both of my boobs have sprung leaks. I know smaller boobs are all the rage but I am a week away from having two tube socks with grapefruits on my chest. And while do love ugly beauty, it’s not a fashion statement I am excited about adopting.

Surgeons aren't cheap, and unfortunately, "spontaneous boob failure" isn't covered by my car insurance.

Help me fund the "Scylla & Charybdis Renovation Project." Think of it as an architectural preservation grant for my torso.

As an added incentive, if you donate, I will make you your favorite dessert and present it to you sans top (or with a top on, donators choice). So they can thank you in person.