Welp...

*takes a deep breath*

Hi. I'm Shavonne aka Shay. And if you're reading this, it means I have finally learned how to ask for help and that I am utterly exhausted from trying to navigate this time in my life without the support I need.

Have you ever gone through a season where things just seem like they won't let up? That no matter how hard you try to come up for air, the waves just keep coming in so fast? That's where I am right now. I am traversing a really difficult storm in my life, and I am searching for lighthouses.

I am organizing this GoFundMe to support my health and well-being at this time. I've been suffering silently from ongoing chronic health issues -- some of which people have definitely noticed, but mostly which I've tried to keep private. My grandmother, who served as a second mother to me after I lost my own at 18, also recently redeemed her return ticket back to the cosmos and the compounding grief of all of this has been monstrously heavy...to say the least.

To be honest, ya'll: I am really stressed. I'm really tired. And, sometimes, I just really feel scared. Navigating this time in my life has been the hardest thing I've ever done, and being vulnerable in this way is not easy whatsoever. Losing my mom (and only parent) at 18 forced me to grow up overnight and, along the way, I learned to be freakishly hyper-independent. I was not quite a child, but I certainly was not an adult. Yet, I learned to keep pushing and pushing and pushing, no matter what. (Seriously, I went to school the NEXT day after she died.) I internalized so many unhealthy messages and created a whole paradigm that convinced me I had to figure out life all on my own. That I had to continue being "strong" and never crack in the face of pressure, but right now? I. Am. Cracking.

I realize now that community care IS self-care.

I cannot do this alone. Trust me, I've tried and spoiler alert: it sucks. No one can. I see that now... and perhaps we all do, after these past few years.

Funds that are raised will go directly towards support such as: ongoing medical expenses and healing supplies, cleaning services, meals, therapy, Uber rides, home care, etc.

I know it's a tough time for lots of people, but I truly do appreciate every dollar, every share, and every word of encouragement. I appreciate you even reading this and witnessing me. Asking for help is a muscle that must be strengthened, and mine has been severely underworked for a while now. As my grandma used to always say, "You have not, because you ask not." And she'd be so proud of me for asking.

I want to be here. I want to get better. And I need help in doing so. This is me surrendering.

So, from the deepest depths of my heart, and with immense gratitude:

Thank you <3