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“The soul is like a wild animal—tough, resilient, savvy, self-sufficient and yet exceedingly shy. If we want to see a wild animal, the last thing we should do is to go crashing through the woods, shouting for the creature to come out. But if we are willing to walk quietly into the woods and sit silently for an hour or two at the base of a tree, the creature we are waiting for may well emerge, and out of the corner of an eye we will catch a glimpse of the precious wildness we seek.” ~ Parker Palmer
We humans share a major dilemma. There exists an inner conflict between the parts of us that want to stay safe and hidden, and as theologian Alan Jones wrote, "the Self within each one of us aching to be born". We humans are not so different from our ocean friend the crab, living in a small protective shell while desperately longing to molt and expand! (see epic 2-minute BBC video of hundreds of thousands of spider crabs molting posted below!)
Our false selves have many strategies and valid reasons for wanting to hide and resist emerging from our protective exoskeletons. Fear, shame, pride and a heavy dose of cultural conditioning drive a lot of our behaviors to avoid who we really are and decorate (google the decorator crab!) ourselves consciously or subconsciously with carefully curated false versions of ourselves.
And yet, we are all given the desire deep within us to live FULLY ALIVE during our numbered days on Earth, giving our presence to the present, living deeply connected to the God-given, Spirit-led true self within us. Jesus stands at the door and knocks - he doesn't manipulate, bully or force his way in. If we open ourselves to Him, He gently and lovingly beckons our true selves out of their exoskeletons. He gives us the gift of being seen, soothed, safe and secure enough to shed our false selves and allow our soft and courageous true self to emerge, molt, transform and expand. And, just like these spider crabs gathering together to molt, we are designed to undergo this journey of true-self emergence and transformation with other trusted and safe companions. Our molting and transforming is mysterious - God is at work and we get to participate in it ourselves and alongside others!
"Grant Lord that I may know myself that I may know Thee." - St. Augustine
Spiritual Direction is a three-way conversation between the directee, the director and God. It is a structured yet spacious way of sacred listening and attentively being with another person's soul, free of interruptions, quick-fix answers and advice. The director is a companion who sits quietly with and attunes to you, reflects back things you have said, leaves space for silence, tears, reflection and prayer. They ask questions and witness what is coming up for you - your thoughts, feelings and your ongoing self- discovery about your false selves and your true self as your soul slowly emerges like a crab coming out of its shell.
I have been privileged to meet with my spiritual director, Diana, regularly for 10 years. She has faithfully journeyed alongside me through the joys, sorrows, big life transitions and ordinary moments of life, protecting space for me to listen to parts of myself and to God. In this sacred listening free of obstructions, many old protective patterns and false-self ways of being, to stay small and hidden, have been shed and left behind like a mountain of crab exoskeletons. Tremendous healing, integration, growth and expansion of my soul has occurred!
For 9 of those years, I have felt called to one day participate in Selah, a program that trains Spiritual Directors. One of my deepest desires is to walk alongside others as they attune to parts of themselves and to God as He does His slow and deep transformative work in them.
I have applied, been interviewed and accepted into the Selah-Anglican program which begins in March! The Selah-Anglican program consists of five 3-night residencies at the St. Francis Springs retreat center in North Carolina over two years with ongoing reading and writing assignments. Each participant in the program receives spiritual direction from the Selah Faculty and practices this sacred and attentive listening to others under their supervision.
Voices of fearful, shy, embarrassed, self-sufficient parts of me as well as the cultural conditioning of our individualistic society tell me I should not ask for support. And yet, who we are and are becoming is in large part shaped and formed by those who know and love us. Just as we aren't meant to journey alone in life or in Spiritual Direction, my vulnerable, interdependent and courageous true self has crawled out of its crab shell and gently encourages me to invite my community of family and friends into this journey to partner with me as financial sponsors for the program's tuition costs. I leave the outcome to God and am curious to see what will happen!
With much love and gratitude,
Rowena
Don't forget to watch the video below!
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If you are noticing a desire to try spiritual direction for yourself, this is a list of Spiritual Directors trained by Selah across North America. You may find one in your area or try it over zoom!