hey, i'm Robert (most of you know me as reed), and i'm a content creator/competitor based in New York City and i'm going to be 100% transparent with my intentions and situation. i want to preface this with saying that i was a very oblivious child with no proper parenting in my life, my mother was never home when it mattered, my father was on the game all day getting drunk and dealing with his own set of things (relationship issues), and my siblings and i were inside of our rooms at a very young age to avoid the drama our parents caused almost daily. i've been experiencing life more and i now understand the importance of the things that i lacked. another thing, i am blaming no one but myself, and only explaining what has happened in the last few years.

i should have made this post 2 years ago, but my foolish ego and mindset thought i could fix it all on my own, i was wrong in thinking such a thing, i also didn't want to bother anyone with my problems, but... that didn't help at all. it has gotten to the point where i am struggling financially, not being able to eat for days, not being able to focus on bettering my life or work on my passion projects because i'm worried about if i will be able to eat the next day, and just overall limiting what i can do as a person, the list goes on and on.

and to be honest, it's all my fault, i went down a foolish path in life and regret it to this day. i spent my teenage years and early 20s (20-23, during the entirety of covid) giving my life to content creation and going live everyday, neglecting other priorities in life, like learning how to drive, getting a job, school, etc. foolish stuff a delusional person would do if they were *only* honed onto their dreams and nothing else.

from ages 23-25 i became depressed for multiple reasons, i couldn't get myself to do it anymore, i gave up. i was at a major disadvantage, i felt like i couldn't do anything--useless. in 2023 (23 years old) heart break was something i was dealing with and it hit like a truck, i couldn't focus on anything, i tried pushing the feelings aside, but i hadn't dealt with something that hard hitting before, especially losing someone i considered important to me, alongside my family falling apart around this time, it was even worse, everything felt impossible.

waking up to my parents having drunken fights in the middle of the night, that i had to stop because i am the oldest out of my siblings, seeing blood on the floor, fist being thrown, mom/dad getting choked out, it was just too much for my heart to handle. my mother and father eventually divorced, and everyone had moved out (my siblings and i went with our mother, not like we had a choice) and things had gotten even worse. those two were holding the house together and now that my father is gone, things are worse.

my mother has health problems from drinking alcohol everyday, she knows not to drink but still does it, she doesn't work anymore, she only cooks for herself and her "boyfriend," and only does things that benefit herself and her "boyfriend." and honestly, i'm more worried for my little brother and sister more than myself. my brother is only 16 years old and comes to me saying he's hungry. this angers me because i'm just as useless as my mother.

i am 26 now and i've been trying to correct this path for so long, but nothing has changed. i have been applying to jobs on indeed, no luck. i need a better future for us, i cannot let this horrible cycle repeat. so i will keep applying to jobs, i will keep doing these things that will help improve the future of my loved ones.

the passive income here will be saved in a different account than my normal one. please, help me make a difference for my siblings and i.

any contribution, no matter the amount, and sharing this page with others is much appreciated. ♥️