The Short:

If you don't know me, my name is Cassandra. I am originally from Ohio, but I have lived in Oakland CA for 19 of my 42 years on this earth. I am a musician, writer, and activist. I have long suffered with chronic pain due to spinal stenosis and disc degeneration, but this past December, as I was preparing to move back to Ohio for a bit to care for my grandmother, I had a pain flare that became a four month nightmare, culminating in spinal surgery and the loss of my life savings. I am in a nursing home now, and making progress, but lacking the funds to relocate or survive while I am unable to work. I am reaching out for help to my community and beyond, so I may cover the next several months of my healing journey. Thank you for supporting and sharing this fundraiser. I love you all.

The Long: As some of you might already know, I have recently undergone my first spinal surgery to help alleviate the unbearable leg pain that I have suffered since mid-December. The pain I endured for these four months got so bad that I was confined to a bed and unable to walk or even sit upright. It was a fiery, electric, throbbing, stabbing, never-ceasing, sleep-deprived, nightmarish hellscape from which I could not escape.

The surgery, while technically "successful," has left me with some possibly permanent nerve damage in my foot and persistent nerve pain that I can only hope will fade in time. There is no denying that I am improved from my pre-operation state, but the recovery process to return to full mobility will take months.

Before the pain began, I had begun preparing to travel to Ohio in order to spend time with my grandmother. Those of you who know me well will know that my grandma played a pivotal role in my upbringing. Now, at 86 years old, she requires more care, and I was looking forward to being able to try in some small way to return the support that she bestowed upon me. As luck would have it, my pain began less than two weeks before I planned to depart. I had to enlist the help from friends and professionals to pack and then put everything into storage while I awaited a doctor's appointment. I have had pain flares for years, but they usually only last from a few days to a few weeks. This one... was different.

As I had already ended my lease, I hadn't anywhere lined up to live in the area while I attended appointments, got more MRIs, steroid injections, etc. My search for affordable furnished accommodations came up short, and I ended up staying in the cheapest hotel I could find. Those four walls became my prison as my mobility deteriorated to the point where I could not sit upright, could not walk. Every trip to the bathroom a few feet away took up to forty painful minutes to achieve, each step excruciating. Showers were a distant memory. If I managed to sleep, I would dream of the pain and wake up with tears running down my face. My elbows and knees were rubbed raw from crawling desperately across the bed. Despite all the medications, I truly thought I would die from the pain. My mental and emotional health were hanging by a thread, and I fell onto good friends to keep me from the edge, with conversations and remote movie watching. All the while, my life savings draining.

By the time the surgeon finally agreed to operate, and things were set in motion, it was the end of March. I was nearly completely bedbound, with weekly nurse and physical therapist visits. I had them get their own key cards because getting up to let them in was not possible. I lost twenty-five pounds in the months because I could hardly get up to microwave a meal most days. By the time I left that hotel room in the predawn hours of April 21, to head alone to my spinal surgery appointment, I had lost around $15,000 to hotel fees and other expenses. It was, and is, devastating but I had to remain hopeful because I was facing a major operation that I desperately needed. There was an end in sight to the pain.

The surgeon said it went better than expected. He said when they removed enough bone to release my sciatic nerve, that my body jumped on the table. (I so wish I had a video of that, but I digress.) I did lose enough blood to cause acute anemia, which caused my blood pressure to get very low, the lowest reading I saw post-op being 75/52. My right toes were numb, still are two weeks later, but I am trying to believe I will regain that sensation through physical therapy. But the horrible pain was gone. Thank goodness.

I am currently in a skilled nursing facility recuperating, and regaining my ability to walk. I am making great progress, but there is a ways to go, yet. The facility is pretty bleak, overall, but it's free and there is a great view. I have a fancy new walker chair, and sexy back brace, and can sit upright for an hour now. I get my sutures removed in a few short days. Three weeks after that is my follow-up appointment with the surgeon, and hopefully I will be given the clear to travel. Though now, with my savings gone, I have no idea how that will happen, which is why I have humbled myself enough to make this GoFundMe.

My friends have encouraged me for months to make one, but I have stalled for reasons likely all wrapped up in my ego. One of those friends just said to me yesterday, "...allowing people to love and support you doesn’t make you weak... It makes you human. It makes you brave. The people who care about you want to help. You’ve poured so much love, care, and light into the world—you deserve that care to return to you now."

And so, if indeed you have the means and desire to help me recover from the fallout of this medical emergency, I will graciously accept. I have set the goal at my approximate losses ($15k) but anything will be helpful. It will be a while yet before I can work, and I would like to safely relocate, continue to recuperate both physically and mentally, and hopefully restart afresh.

If you can kindly share this with others, I would appreciate it greatly.

Thank you,

Cassandra