Let me start off by saying:

A. I hate talking about myself.

B. I hate that I am even doing this as I feel someone deserves this more than I do, but truth be told, I really need all the help I can get. This won't be a long post; refer to number A.

As most of you know, my name is Rachel. I am almost 43 years old. I have been a single mom for almost 21 years, so I have been through some rough times, but nothing has ever come close to the day I was told I have an aggressive form of leukemia. My world shattered, but I pulled myself together and kept a brave face as I told my family and those few close friends. But the hardest one of all was my daughter, my world. How was I to tell her that her mother has cancer? I started the treatments, did all of the things asked of me, only for the cancer to spread to my spine. So now, on top of IV chemotherapy, I get weekly chemotherapy in my spine, which in itself is painful as fuck! Oh, the defeat I felt but had to hold it inside because I had to be strong for my daughter, who found out she was pregnant, and my dad, who found out he had colon cancer, who I went on to lose a year later. Every day I have gotten up, put a smile on my face, and fought with all that I have while still trying to keep a normal life. I still go to work while going to treatment. I help raise my granddaughter, who is now 2 years old. I basically support her and her mother while her mother works part-time and is going to school. Original treatments haven't worked, so I have started an 18-month aggressive clinical trial, and let me tell you, it has been brutal on my body. I have developed fractures in my spine that could require surgery if they get any worse. Recently, the gynecologist felt a mass that I will have to biopsy. Right now, there are a lot of moving parts and things going on. The future is unknown, and there could come a time where I will have to be off of work for surgery or multiple surgeries. I just don't have all of the answers right now. I do know the excruciating pain I live with on a daily basis; sometimes just breathing hurts. I don't know how to begin to explain how much pain I am in. That is just the physical part; let's not factor in the extreme fatigue, nausea, and vomiting that comes with aggressive chemotherapy. I am maxing out credit cards to pay for chemo and meds. I am still trying to hold down a full-time job despite how hard it is to even get out of bed each day. I barely make it paycheck to paycheck just trying to pay bills and make sure my girls are taken care of. If oncology said to me right now that I need to have surgery today, I would have to tell them no because I don't have money in the bank or even a savings account. No one wants to think of the outcome should I not be able to beat this, but I think about it every single day of my life, and my biggest fear is my girls not having the money to bury me or survive off of. I am doing everything that I can on my own because I have never been one to ask for help, but with so many uncertainties I am facing, I need help to know I have something to fall back on to make sure my bills are paid and my granddaughter is taken care of. Even now, I need new clothes because I have lost so much weight I just can't afford it. I am blessed with a wonderful mother who helps me as much as she can, but she has her own bills and things to worry about. I am so sorry; I know this is all over the place. I said in the beginning I hate talking about myself and don't even know where to start with this. I have been fighting this battle for almost 3 years, and I have never asked anyone for any kind of help. I just push through the daily pain and go to work while doing chemotherapy and helping raise my granddaughter. I don't have much of a life anymore because chemotherapy has drained everything out of me; what strength I do have goes to my granddaughter and work.

Again, I am sorry this post is all over the place. I just hate talking about myself and truly hate asking for help! I don't expect anything from anyone, but I would be very grateful and would truly appreciate it if you wanted to help take some of the financial burden off of me now and for the unknown that could come in the near future. You would not only be helping me; you would be helping my sweet granddaughter that I am helping raise and mostly support right now. If you have read up to this part, I thank you. Please know it pains me to have to ask for help, and it has taken a long time to do it. I am just completely stressed and filled with so much worry and fear because I don't know how I am going to do this alone. Cancer is a scary enough journey but to add financial worry on top of it makes it so much worse.