Support Rachel After Tragic Loss of Fiancé

Hello, my name is Rachel. This is seriously the most embarrassing thing ever having to ask for help. I dislike it and I tried to do everything I could to avoid it. My fiancée of 14 years past away unexpectedly, and accidentally.

I performed CPR on him giving him 92 compressions until the cops came rushing in, and basically begged and pleaded with God to just let him start breathing. He was prone to seizures so I wasnt sure what was happening but he was snoring one minute and not breathing the next.

Ever since that night I have been alone. Trying my best to dig out of this hell tornado I got swept up in. Andrew was the love of my life . We were a team, a unit , and would have died for one another.

I live with an immense amount of emotional, physical, and psychological pain. I work but I bust out crying randomly and will have to step away for a few minutes, get myself together , and then go back to work. It has been the hardest and trying 5 months of my life.

Most days I want to end it all. If my mum didn't sacrifice her whole life for me as a single parent I probably wouldn't be here right now. She has been helping and some of my other family has helped and I am appreciative.

The problem is, I'm having a very difficult time making my bills on time. Before I had the help of a partner and for the first time in 20 years I am single and trying to survive this tradegedy.

I need help with electricity, the internet bill so I can continue to work, groceries, and rent. One check which is 2 weeks of work is my rent check and it leaves me with 30 to 40 dollars till the following check.

I could really just use some help. I'm tired and I just want to quit on life. I don't understand ripping away one of the only people I held precious in my heart. Everyday I get up and go to work is a win but I am just not making enough for my bills.

I am reaching out if anyone can help no matter how big or small please , please could you help? I am having a hard month. I just need help.