Support Young Queer People in the Frum Community

Since we were old enough to walk, you dressed us up in kallah gowns, told us we were born to marry and build a home. We tried to be the perfect daughters. We fought with our feelings quietly. We hid our identities from you because we knew we weren’t safe as ourselves. When we told you our truth, we were met with anger, denial, and shame. We were told there was something wrong with us. We were punished for our thoughts and feelings, sent out of homes and communities. You told us that we are not welcome here.

We have become a controversial topic. Our teachers and communities refuse to look past politics to see us as human, forgetting that we are your children.

A 2022 national survey on LGBTQ+ youth mental health found that 45% of LGBTQ youth have seriously considered attempting suicide in the past year. That means almost half of us have decided that the ache of the hiding, shame, and hostility makes life not worth living.

But we refused to give up. Trapped in a community devoid of acceptance and support, we decided to build a community of our own. In November of 2022, two friends created a WhatsApp group and added a few of their queer friends. Those friends added their own friends. Today, just seven months later, we have seventy three members, seventy three queer young people who describe our community as lifesaving. And more reach out to us every week.

We call our community The Group. It is a warm, thriving community for LGBTQ+ women and non binary folks in their twenties who grew up in the Jewish Orthodox community. We offer our members both peer and professional support for the unique challenges that arise from growing up queer in the insular Orthodox world. We have created a wonderful and encouraging family, and that has changed everything for us.

We are only in our twenties, but have seen the ugliest sides of the frum community. We have been shown hate, cruelty, and vitriol. We have fought back with strength, determination, love, and faith. But we are tired. It’s time for our the frum community to show us the love that we deserve.

We are asking you to open your hearts so that we can continue to build this incredible community. Our numbers are growing rapidly, as more queer young adults find out about us and look to us for support. We need funds to provide members of The Group with physical safe spaces, community events, mentorship, support groups, and further mental health resources, among many other things. Please support us as we support each other.