Hello everyone, my name is Nicola (Nikki).

On October 30th, 2025, I took my husband Nathan to the emergency room for what I thought was severe dehydration.

He, myself & my adult stepchild who lives with us had all caught our first case of Covid in September, 2025 and Nathan was the only one who seemed to be not getting over it.

He also couldn't stand up without immediately falling over, was nauseated and had started getting headaches in the previous few weeks.

When the ER doctor saw him stand up and fall over, she did a CT and MRI because she thought Nathan had a stroke.

I almost fainted when she told us that.

I had no idea things were about to get so much worse.

When the doctor got the results, she told us Nathan had a tumor on his cerebellum which had been growing for some time.

We were blindsided; Nathan was healthy as a horse or so we thought.

He never even caught colds.

He had been sleeping more but we didn't think it was anything serious.

The ER doctor told us Nathan was being moved to a larger hospital and would need brain surgery immediately to remove the tumor from his cerebellum.

On October 31st, 2025, they removed the golf-ball sized tumor from his cerebellum.

For the next two weeks, it was like being repeatedly punched in the face; first they found the tumor on his cerebellum.

Then they found two more brain tumors.

Then they found tumors in his liver, kidneys and esophagus.

I was reeling, spinning, terrified, manic, not sleeping.

Nathan was quiet and I knew he was also terrified, we talked about everything and seeing him silent, it broke my heart because I knew how frightened he was.

In November 2025 he was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic esophageal cancer.

He started the post-brain surgery rehab, the radiation, the chemo.

He lost 20 pounds.

He was lethargic and weak, he couldn't eat much.

He started using a walker because he couldn't walk more than a few steps, he was so weak.

We were hopeful though; he came through the brain surgery with flying colors and was healing really well, he graduated from physical and occupational rehab.

The chemo was shrinking the tumors.

Then it happened.

On February 9th, 2026, while I was helping Nathan in the bathroom, from the toilet to his walker seat, his arms around me, my arms around him, he went into cardiac arrest and stopped breathing.

I screamed for our adult stepchild who lives with us to call 911, laid Nathan on the bathroom floor.

The operator talked me through doing chest compressions until the paramedics arrived. They got him breathing and took him to the hospital.

Nathan never woke up.

He was in a coma for 9 days, during which they did multiple brain and heart scans.

At that point the doctor explained he had global brain damage (from oxygen deprivation) and would not wake up.

If by some chance he did wake up, he wouldn't even be aware of who he was or where he was.

His kidneys were shutting down.

I remember saying to my mother-in-law & the nurse,

"I'm not getting him back, am I?"

It was the moment I lost the last shred of hope I had been hanging on to.

The brain damage had caused damage to how his respiratory system behaved; he was breathing too fast and had to be on a ventilator.

I made the choice to take Nathan off life support bc I knew he would not have wanted to live that way.

Nathan was extremely intelligent, the smartest person I've ever known.

He graduated in the top 5 or 6 out of over 1000 students in college and it wasn't some crap college either.

He loved to learn, build, solve puzzles.

He could fix almost anything.

He wouldn't have wanted to live without the ability to think or even be aware of his surroundings; permanently intubated, in a long term care home; it was one of the things we had talked about after he was diagnosed.

On February 17th, 2026 I said goodbye to my soulmate, my person, my best friend.

I thanked him for the best 7 years of my life.

Nathan treated me with love and respect. He never gave me a reason not to trust him, we had 100% honesty in our marriage.

I had a very traumatic life before I met Nathan and his love helped me start my own healing journey.

Nathan was the first man in my life to protect me, stand up for me, love me the way I deserved to be loved.

We called ourselves Team Awesome.

We were inseparable.

We camped a lot, we gamed together, saw concerts, went to fun conventions and ren fairs.

We never argued. Not once.

He was my true partner.

We were a true team.

Nathan was kind, generous, geniune and always working on being a better person.

He treated everyone with respect.

Nathan was funny, so funny.

He used to make me laugh so hard and it always delighted him whenever he did.

He was a loving, supportive father to his children and an excellent co-parent with his first wife.

They had a great relationship post divorce.

Everyone who met Nathan liked him immediately.

He helped and gave whenever he could.

Even in death, he gave.

He donated his corneas; because of my sweet Nathan, someone who was vision impaired can now see.

I hope they see the good in everything like Nathan did.

He passed away less than 14 weeks after his cancer diagnosis, we had no time to plan for anything, let alone his death.

We hadn't even had time to process the cancer diagnosis.

I am now a widow and the executor of Nathan's estate.

Nathan didn't have a lot of money and I've recently learned he had withdrawn from his retirement funds in the past; so at present I don't even know how much money I have coming to me.

That's so frightening to me, I have a severe anxiety disorder & CPTSD.

Not knowing what's coming up in the future is terrifying.

Nathan and I had planned our future together and now it's all gone, I've lost everything, I've lost the one person I could trust 100%.

I currently can't work and I have no income.

Believe me, if I could work, I would.

I'm approximately 15 weeks away from accessing Nathan's 401k, until then I have no way to pay my mortgage, utilities & lawyer.

I haven't been able to pay the mortgage since February, I already owe the lawyer $2700, add that to 2 months mortgage and I'm currently $9000 behind.

I've kept the utilities/mortgage going since November with donations from Nathan's GFM while he was alive (his family also helped financially while he was alive, once he passed that ended).

I've cut services, trimmed utilities, I'm selling belongings, I'm desperate.

Nathan's family began to manipulate me when he passed away.

One of his family members stole at least one of his possessions without my permission, accused me of hoarding and hiding money, verbally abused me and lied to me multiple times.

When I blocked them, they ignored my boundary and had other members of Nathan's family tell me to unblock this family member.

I've since had to go no-contact with his family bc anytime I talked to any of them my anxiety shot through the roof.

My doctor has me on valium bc I was having cascading panic attacks, one of which sent me to the ER.

I'm settling Nathan's affairs and selling our home, alone, because my family is in Canada.

I need help paying my mortgage and bills until I can access the 401k, which like I said should be in approximately 15 weeks.

I'm mourning the loss of my husband, I'm terrified I'm going to lose my home, I have to sell it to afford to move back to Canada.

Any help is hugely appreciated.

I'm going through my worst nightmare alone, it's even worse than it sounds.

Every day is 24 hours of pain.

Thank you for reading this.

Sincerely,

Nicola