Support my recovery and save my farm

I need help. And this is the hardest thing I think I’ve ever had to do. Recovering and asking for help.

Early March, I started to have some pains in my gut and they didn't subside. By mid-March, I was in the ER... twice. First time, I thought, okay, we’ll take the meds and see. Within a week, I was back and admitted. I was in surgery within 3 days after tests really didn’t explain what they couldn’t see... except that my sigmoid colon was a problem. Understatement of the century.

Well, they opened me up—literally, the incision is about 15 inches and 50 staples worth—from sternum to pubic bone to take out 28 inches of colon. Yes, I have a colostomy. Yes, it’s just awful. But getting through it. It’s supposed to be temporary, the surgeon said. :) So, I will likely be going through this in reverse in about 4-5 months. Just not as traumatic. Or epic cutting me open. We hope!

That’s the nitty-gritty of it. The situation now is I’m going to lose my home if I can’t figure out how to pay the bills. (And I’m not talking about the hospital bills, just the regular ones). The two weeks prior to the hospital, the 11 days in the hospital, and the 3 weeks out of it, I wasn’t really doing any work that brought income. Yes, I did have savings, but it’s gone now. I’m a freelancer for the past 25 years, either through goat dairying or graphic design... and when things got tough, I went out and got a job to fill in the gaps—working at a gas station or working at the vet’s office—but I can’t do this now. I can barely walk. This is truly the most frustrating experience of my life. And most humbling. So, I am asking for help.

It has taken almost one month for me to be able to sit up without assistance, sleep in a bed, or try to feed the kids (one of the true joys in life). I can’t do much else. I don’t want to herniate or, worse, open up my gut (omg, that would be awful). The pain is still around, but manageable now. So that part I’m grateful for. 5 more weeks, the surgeon said, no hard labor. No lifting. I am working on design projects, but that income is over 50 days away.

I’m scared. I’m going to lose it all. The house. The farm. The goats. My sweat equity in the area. My life and passion. I have farm helpers that I would like to pay for their unending help through all this. Doing things for me I am so, so grateful for. It’s not just the goats. It’s the parrots. Dogs. Pigs. Pony. The kids I just had. They sold them all for me. Drove up and down the state for me. Checking on me daily. Doing things for me in the house, I just can’t do for myself right now... I’m just at a loss for words on how grateful I am to have them helping.

I need help and I don’t know how else to ask for it. Design work is coming in slowly, and my farm is at the bare minimum (I did ship half the milkers up North to a friend’s farm). But there is this gap of 10 weeks of zero income. And then looking to the future, I will have the same dilemma when this all gets reversed.

If you can help, it would be so appreciated. Any money contributed - big or small - will go first to my mortgage and keeping me in my home. Anything extra would go to the utilities and other farm bills. Lastly, I would save the rest for the months long recovery of the reversal surgery expected in a few months. (We hope).

When I am better anyone donating is welcome here any time to pick up some eggs, milk, meet and greet the goats, have a personalized learning experience with them. Or, even, if possible need some design work ?

I will pay it forward the best that I can.