Support My Little Brother, Don, in Recovery

On July 3rd, my little brother, Don Kalina Jr., asked me to help him get better.  Don has been a drug addict for over 20 years.  He has had ongoing and untreated mental illness, which has caused his addictions to take over his life.

In March of 2021, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.   I had a bilateral mastectomy in May, and just started chemo on July 6, 2021.

Three days before my chemo, we had an unplanned family intervention, and Don asked to be helped.  We spent the next 3 days trying to find state assistance to have Don committed for detox and long term treatment.  The ER found so many drugs in Don's system, they couldn't believe he was still alive.  As my brother is homeless, has no insurance, and no job, we had to rely on the state medicaid system AND to find him a bed in a facility that could medically and psychologically help Don.  We were assured that he would be placed within 24 hours.  

It became obvious that 24 hours was an arbitrary number that drug addicts are given IF they ever make it to that point of asking for care.  24 hours turned to 30 and 40 and just kept on going.  If I did not stay to advocate for Don, he would have gotten aggravated,  went back into the woods where he lived, and we would never have seen him again.  So, I spoke to Don very clearly,  "If you stick through this process of waiting, I promise you that I will NOT leave your side.  I will not leave here until you are being given the absolute best care that you need and deserve.  I promise you that."

Don and I made a promise to each other in a parking lot at lower Bucks hospital.  We promised each other that we will both fight our diseases together.  We promised each other that we would not expect our parents or ourselves to go to one of our funerals.

If you know or love someone like Don, you know that the likelihood of their asking for help is slim to none.  They will ask for food, water, and always money.  Never for real help, never for freedom from their disease. It is more likely that families and friends will spend their lives in constant distress,  hoping and praying, and it will end at a funeral.

Being the sister of a severely drug addicted man for over 20 years has taught me A LOT about this life.  I stopped enabling Don about 10 years ago.  I told him only to come to me when he was ready to make a change, a real change in his life.  Then I would help him, and only then.

So, there he was.  Standing in a parking lot at the hospital, sores and infections all over his body, broken needles in his arms, shaking from withdrawal, in moldy shoes, and tears in his eyes.  He looked and smelled like death.  He was begging me to help him live.  He begged me to help him fix it.  To make it go away.  Then he passed out for a very long time. 

During the time that Don was asleep, I continued to fight for him.  I called the case worker every hour, begging for a bed in a rehab.  Still nothing.  I also realized that three things could happen.  A bed could miraculously appear, Don would start to withdrawal so bad that he ran away and we lost him forever, or....I could hide him from his familiar places.  So, I hid Don in a fancy hotel room very far away from anyone or anything that he knew.  I knew that I would not be able to keep him stable for too long, as drug withdrawal can be life threatening for a person like Don.  I used every bit of medical knowledge that I have to keep him safe, and I got to work on finding him a bed.  Still no luck...

By the morning of July 5th, the 3rd day of trying to find a state funded place for Don,  he had been rejected by all except 1, and they were still reviewing his case.  I came to realize that this process for the "war on drugs" is impossible for a severe addict to navigate.  I will always wonder how someone like Don would ever get help on their own.

By 4PM on the 5th, I knew that things were turning into a very bad situation.  Don's withdrawal was becoming medically unsafe, and there was no way we could get him to go to a hospital again.  The whole time he was adamant about getting help.  He also felt hopeless and impossible.  But I refused to let him do that.  I just promised him that I was going to find him the best care that he needed and deserved.

So, I started investigating other private pay facilities.   I had lost any confidence in the "system" and decided that we needed to go in a different direction.  I found a wonderful facility that immediately treated Don like a person and not just another addict.  I asked for their out of pocket pricing, and my eyes almost fell out of my head.  Chemo was coming, Don was fading, and my family was at home waiting for me.  I made it clear to everyone that I would never do this again.  This was the one and only time I will ever help Don with this.  Get better or go, period.  With that, I registered him for all I could afford, a 7 day detox.  At this facility, 7 day detox is $7000.  I knew Don needed long term care, but after 72 hours of withdrawal, he needed a safe place that would care for him as a person, immediately.  So, my husband and I did it.  We paid for Don to go to a private pay facility, and we gave the rest to God.

I drove Don several hours away to this AMAZING facility (I am not disclosing the name or location to anyone).  Don, his counselors, and I have agreed to withhold this information to keep Don safe and healthy.

Since check in, Don has been very well taken care of.  He has a full medical team treating him, and he is getting through the begging of detox well.  

I have started to focus on the long term care that Don will need to deal with his mental health issues.  The addiction will come back, if he doesn't fix the rest.  This facility will cost $22000 to keep Don for 30 days.  We were able to find an additional donation of $9000.  So, I am setting up this gofundme to help my brother, Don, maintain the care that he needs.  Even a dollar is helpful!

At this point, I am not looking for finger pointing or opinions on what is best and what is not.  Don and I are working together to fight our battles in life.  We have found an amazing support, and we are only asking for your help as we help eachother.  Don started his first full day of detox the same day that I started chemo.  We are in it together, and I am so proud of my little buddy!!! ❤