In mid October I literally almost went blind. The result of that has prevented me from being able to support myself and the weight of this is now putting the person who has been helping me at risk of losing her housing as well. It's going to be a few more months before I am able to heal and correct my damaged sight with new glasses. Please forgive any typing errors. Here's my story:

I somehow lacerated both of my eyes while taking out my contacts. Nothing out of the normal took place during this process so it was an Absolute Shock when I woke up to my right eye being swollen as if I'd been professionally sucker punched. From my left eye what I could see between my half closed lids was a blood red eyeball with a large white mass covering the color of my entire eye. I could see nothing through this mass but vague movement. That's terrifying enough but when I discovered that I couldn't control the muscles fully to look far right and when the eye was at rest it pulled down to the tip of my nose and stayed. WTH?! I still had my left contact in but because it was as ancient as my right one I knew it needed to come out but I was terrified that whatever was going on would spread.

The environment I was in was beyond toxic. I was staying with the friend who offered last time I posted and he turned out to be a gaslighting predator who described himself as a victim by claiming to be "addicted" to broken women. Though I may be temporarily broken, I will not be preyed upon by anyone and after holding my tongue for months knowing it could and would put my housing at risk, I finally stood up for myself. This did not go over well and was translated through very uncomfortable silence day in and day out. So when I took out my left contact and saw that eye start to haze over I was not surprised that I was met with silence after showing him my eyes stating that I needed to go to an ER. I tried hot and cold compresses and thought I saw real improvement so I turned down my daughter's offer for a ride to the hospital but when it blew up worse than ever the next day I had no choice and Christine dropped what she was doing working from home and came all the way out to the belly of St.Paul to take me to the ER at 10 pm that night.

After the ER doc poked around with lights bright enough to bring ship to shore, he immediately knew this was well beyond his level of expertise and informed me that the on call eye specialist was being pulled out of bed and would be there in an hour or 2. His lights were so powerful and the examination was so extensive and so painful that he ended up ordering me massive shots of both Xanax and Fentanyl! And this was after asking me if I was on anything because my pupils wren't dilating. I old him he was welcome to order a blood test and suggested that it may be related to....the damage going on? [Not his judgement of my 96 lb frame and tattered all black clothes.] With all the other choices I was openly shocked that they even USE Fentanyl.

In this grotesque yet much calmer state I was told that I would need to take 2 types of drops in my left and 4 in the other On the Hour, Every Hour 24/7 for the next 7 days or I Will go blind. Being in financial straights Christine had to just drop me off so I was there alone and feeling like I was navigating through molasses, so I barely remember being given a phone at 3/4 am to confirm the first of what would be weekly visits to eye specialists out in Maplewood that are booked out 4 mo in advance ordinarily. Then they nudged me down the hall by myself telling me to follow the signs to the pharmacy. Still working away at home, Christine called a cab to pick me up and bring me back to her house where every hour on the hour my alarm would be going off for the net week.

Here's the thing about that. Christine loves her little 1 br place with just a living room and kitchen, much in the same way I loved my place in that every nook and cranny is filled with interesting objects, beautiful art and all other types of wonderful things that inspire joy. She works from home using her 2 laptops sitting at a massive old wooden antique coffee table in her living space. There is no room for me. I tuck away in a corner of her small kitchen. She never once complained about the hourly alarms even though the couch id just outside her room with its pinned open French doors. She allowed me to heal in peace for over a week before it became intrusive enough to affect her ability to stay on top of bills. Knowing it was incredibly toxic, she had to take me "home".

I lasted 3 days. By this point I was taking 6 drops a day but blindness was very much still a concern. A dear friend had offered to cab me to her condo downtown St.Paul so that she could give me money for food and another cab back. Hour tops. Dude worked and sat on the couch day in and day out but I checked in with him because I did't have a key. All of a sudden he's going to be leaving 15 minuted before I said I'd be back so I asked him to leave the door open for me. He responded by asking if he had a choice. I thanked him and left. I text him 5 minutes before he was supposed to leave telling him I was almost home and as I approached I saw his car leave. He'd locked me out. It was 20 degrees and I was in a windbreaker without my medication. After almost 2 hours of ignored calls and texts explaining this to him I checked my window and found it unlocked and crawled inside. I text him to let him know I was in. When he got back several hours later he tried to kick me out on the spot. It turns out that in the weeks since I'd stood up for myself he'd been looking for the first opportunity to kick me out. I'd tried to mend fences with him but I guess he has no use for people he can't fully control so it was a lost cause, he just gave no clue that he was plotting.

Despite not having the space or the financial wiggle room Christine has been housing me ever since.

What I'm asking is if anyone out there can help us get through the next few months. Christine is now behind on rent and the landlord is talking about escalating. We've been doing Doordash but because I can't see the road I am in charge of navigating the maps and we make a great team except for when it comes time to get paid. All 3 of the last runs have come up significantly short with no resolution from the company after calling directly. She's spending her days training to be an H&R tax consultant but this takes time and though she's almost finished it won't be soon enough. She's applied for all of the help resources but they're backed up due to the shutdown and the holidays. I'm unable to contribute until my healing is complete. I have my next appointment on January 8th when my steroid drops will either be continued or I will move on to being able to be fitted for new glasses that reflect the permanent damage the final scarification reflects. That appointment will show settled scars or continued healing, is what I mean. I'm told I can never wear contacts again but I'm hoping for a second opinion!!

Well, keeping it short is impossible for me so thank you if you made it this far.

Thank you in advance to anyone who is able to help.