Hi everyone. Im starting to think this is the beginning of the end. My doctors told me the pain would be getting worse but I didn't think that was possible. It was. I can barely drink the little amount of protein drinks I am drinking now. In the past twelve days I forced myself to eat a sweet sausage sandwich cut into less than baby pieces. Could only eat half of a half of that and maybe three or four bowl of oatmeal. They want to put a feeding tube in me but I'm scared. I can barely drink the drinks when I can get them. Insurance company UPMC is still fighting me and the whole hospital to provide boost or ensure for me. Thank to to the great friends that truly family to me that donated a little to help. Every penny counts and you are all highly appreciated by me and my fiance who's been my number 1 always by my side from the start. Thank you to the health care company and employees that were a great help and all the doctors and nurses and staff at fox chase cancer center. Cancer is only one of the medical and mental problems I'm facing. All the bills where I'm staying are late and my minimal social security is not helping. I do the same thing every day,groundhog day. Sleep 2-3 hours wake up in pain and continue to do that. Have no strength or energy to do anything. I fall alot and am always dizzy due to vertigo and malnutrition. I have always been a fighter but I don't know how much I can handle these battles anymore. I lost over 80 lbs in the last year. After 15 radiation treatments Mon to Thurs and two on Fridays I weigh 134.6 lbs. Remember I'm 6'2. Im scared to death. My birthday is Wednesday and was hoping to go out to get out of the house and do something since I have a strong feeling this will be my last one before I join my grandpop and hundreds of friends that have passed. I never thought this would happen to me. I've always been strong,happy,funny and did anything for anyone but none of that seems to be me anymore. Been taken advantage of a lot over the years and it's still happening now, especially with insurance companies,former doctors and hospitals and a certain few people. I take over 40 pills a day and I don't like taking pills. Currently on oxycodone 45 mg and 30 mg morphine which doesn't help. Bought every over the counter pain relief medicine I could think of and herbal treatments after a lot of research. Im not gonna be goin anywhere because of the weather,no money and I don't want to be an embarrassment to her and the kids. She has to carry me around everywhere so I don't fall and it's not fair to the kids or her or me. I know these are hard times and things were looking good for me for a while but it all stopped. My car was totaled by a drunk driver,lost a great job and a lot more of my friends died. The only good that came from this was stop drinking and barely smoking. Im still fighting that but only like 5 a day. If anyone can find it in their hearts to help me please do. Im gonna be 46 on Wednesday Feb 11 if I make it. Im praying hard but doesn't seem to be helping. Still not sure about chemotherapy because of friends it killed and research I've done but doctors are all over me about it. Honestly UPMC probably wouldn't approve it anyway. They are denying medication,drinks, wheelchair,oxygen,hours for my health aid and more. I've contacted the news but haven't heard back yet. Finally broke down and had my will and other important things done. Basically I'm not in charge of me anymore. Im still trying to fight this but I can't afford to and honestly too tired. Please help with whatever you can,even just advise or possibly ideas of charities or anything I could get some help or relief from. Thank you everyone and I hope to get to see you all even if it's just once, hopefully CANCER FREE but I really don't think it's gonna happen. Happy and safe new year to all and peace and happiness to you and your families. Love always. Mike. Anyone in the healthcare field please send me any way to get rid of cold sores or whatever the radiation is doin to my mouth. A big reason I can't eat. Sores on the side of my tongue,cheek and jaw. Extremely painful. Can barely drink through a straw. Burning. Feels like I'm swallowing razor blades,glass and nails as well as really bad dry mouth that makes everything worse thanks