Hi! My name is Mercedes.

Well, I took the leap! ! I finally enrolled in Massage School. And wow, I’m so wildly grateful I did! For it has quickly become one of the most affirming and joyful things I’ve ever done. Yet, here’s the thing… I am a 48 year old single gal, scraping by financially. I have held on to this dream perhaps all my life. Last fall I decided I could no longer wait for my financial picture to improve. I enrolled not knowing where on earth the money was going to come from. Today I’m a third of the way through the program. Both my cats and I are in need of health care and recently my car broke down, for good. I am now without a vehicle. The time has come when I could use some support. Here I am now asking for your help.

The seeds of my aspiration:

Massage has been a desire, germinating… a long time. Perhaps it was first planted back in 1999, the year my sister was diagnosed with brain cancer. She spent a month in ICU after her brain surgery. As I sat next to her, she was unable to speak. She couldn’t swallow, and was barely able to move, or even see. The intensity and gravity of this was painful. I cared so deeply about her and wanted so much to connect and soothe her in some way. With so few options I reached out to touch her, and I poured all my care into gently massaging her feet. I almost forgot about this actually, but recently it was she who reminded me. She told me it was one of the things she remembers the most, one of the things that was most helpful in a very dark period in her life.

Now as I think back, I realize just a few years later I found myself naturally gravitating again towards touch as a healing modality. I was volunteering in a hospice house in 2003. The volunteer coordinator saw in me a gift for energy. He taught me a few Reiki techniques to use with patients. For those who may not know, Reiki translates as the way of universal life force energy. He also encouraged me to apply touch and message with consent and when it fit. Sitting for hours with people, holding them in the fullness of their silence, as their bodies and life force were readying to cross, was profound. I loved every timeless moment of it. I will never forget one man in particular. He was barely hanging on to consciousness, and I sensed him in a great deal of pain. As I helped the nurses turn him in bed I intuitively held his heart and head in my hands and stayed with him. In one moment he slowly came to, turned, gently locked eyes with me, and said ‘thank you.’ Then his body writhed as he let out a loud gasping breath, so loud it alarmed the nursing staff. It was his last. And this was the beginning of my knowing and experience in the power of attentive and caring touch.

Where I’ve been (in a nutshell):

In the first half of my life, my livelihood stayed in my safe margins - working in accounting, food services, office and clinical administration. Don’t get me wrong, the work was good, enjoyable, and I still showed up with my whole heart. On the side, I lived in Buddhist monasteries, some Christian ones too, and off grid conscious communities. I focused on training my mind, heart, speech, and body in meditation, prayer, yoga, non-violent communication, and shamanism. I was always longing and dreaming of a livelihood to match my spiritual drive. Competence was never the issue. I see that now. I just lacked the confidence and self esteem. Perhaps the journey of my young adulthood was one of building strength and readiness. After a great deal of healing - a period of becoming completely undone to be redone - I am so ready! That passion to be in service and flow with a healing profession has been impatiently boiling over…. Overdue. I am loving massage and I am so in! Now the thing lacking is financial means.

My Vision:

Well, I am simply loving massage. I am blown away by how much joy and fulfillment I receive whenever I practice. I also feel incredibly honored to have the permission and invitation to help people in this way. Gaining my massage license and working with a Spa is my first happy vision.

Over time I aspire to develop a private practice in collaboration with counselors, social workers, spiritual leaders, and the like. One that emphasizes somatic healing. I want to help people align with their own intuitive healing mechanisms - gaining self love, safety, and empowerment in their own bodies. There are a number of bodywork techniques designed to deprogram negative muscular and nervous system patterns. As well as ones that facilitate releasing stored trauma patterns.

I know bodywork and massage techniques are capable of this type of transformation through my own personal experience. A number of years back, I created a team of health and spiritual care specialists to help me heal and transform a deeply repressed, complex sexual trauma. Massage and bodywork was an integral, powerful, and dare I say, even essential component. I found only a few bodyworkers and massage therapists who had the context, presence, and skill to navigate that messy and sometimes outright terrifying terrain alongside me. I would love to be a part of this community and pay it forward! I know the need is great.

What I am asking for:

After budgeting I’ve determined a goal of $5,000 to supplement my income and cover basic living expenses for the full school year ahead.

Here are some figures to give you a sense of my school expenses. The grand total tuition cost is $8,200. FAFSA is unfortunately not available for my program. In addition, there are the costs of supplies and equipment including books, a massage table, bolsters, sheets, oils, kits, massage cups, stones, etc. That will total close to $1,500. The final licensing exam is $300.

I also have two very sweet, elder cats: Logan and Lexi. Lexi has early stage renal failure. Logan has a skin condition that needs treatment. They mean the world to me, but I’ve had to postpone their treatments and vet care. Meanwhile my eyesight has changed. With all the book work I’m in desperate need of a new glassware prescription. Financial contributions will help keep us healthy.

As for my situation of no longer having a car. I have not calculated that in my GoFundMe goal. To come by enough money to buy another car will be a grace filled miracle that just comes in time. Thankfully I have friends and coworkers generously offering carpools, and much of my life is within biking distance.

I will continue working as a restaurant server as much as I am able, while attending classes and fulfilling weekly massage practice hours in the school clinic. I know the closer I get to my fundraising goal, phew, it will be a great relief! It will definitely be easier to focus my time and energy on my education and training in the way I truly want to.

My Gratitude:

I recently did a practice session with a dear friend. Afterwards he told me he hadn’t realized how a sense of care could be transmitted and felt so directly in touch. I was very happy and surprised to hear his feedback. So often when words seem to not quite hit the mark for me, touch and presence feels like a more authentic and pure transmission of my intention and care. To know my friend had received that was such a wonderful gift. Well, here, now I dearly hope my words are doing their job in transmitting my degree of vulnerability and gratitude.

I thank you, firstly, for taking the time to simply read and witness me. This is perhaps one the most raw, candid, public, and vulnerable sharings yet of my soul’s story, vision, and desires. Furthermore, If you feel so moved as to give money, I am wildly grateful!! Every amount, no matter how big or small, contributes as encouragement, energy, and realization towards my goals. Finally, please share this with anyone else who you think it might inspire or who might be inspired to support me.

I am so excited to do this work! In these first months of massage I often catch moments of amazing flow and discovery. I feel like I am weaving together the tapestry of my life in a new form of dance and it’s so joyful!

From the fullness of my heart, thank you!

I know we can’t do this journey, truly, without one another.

Thank you for supporting me; for being a part of my dreams, and helping me to be of service.