My name is Mazz and I'm a 32yo disabled and queer creator from NY.

In the last year I've lost two jobs, had to pay a ridiculous amount of money on a storage unit in CA, (which has since been significantly reduced thanks to the kindness of friends) and had my savings completely depleted through various expenses, including having to owe a massive amount on my taxes that I wasn't expecting. I thought I had set aside enough to cover what I might have owed, and I apparently severely underestimated.

But that's just me, this is also about my family.

My parents are on SSI, which as many of you know is constantly in danger of going away. Between the stress of that and recent news about my fathers health, I've felt more and more determined to ensure my own stability, so they can focus on themselves. (They worry about me. We're an Italian and Jewish family. It's kind of our schtick)

The heaviest thing weighing on us is something I haven't really shared with many people, and I haven't spoken out publicly about it at all. I struggle to even share this now.

Last year my father was informed that his cancer from many years ago has resurfaced. We were told it's treatable, but not curable. Even though he has been responding to treatment quite well, we still don't know where things could go from here.

Which makes the following so important:

In light of this news, shortly after his diagnosis my mother and my aunt decided that we should take a family trip to fulfill his (and my mother's) dream of seeing another part of the world. Particularly his ancestral home of Italy. They've never left the country, and have always said "One day." That day has been chosen. It was decided we would all go on a family cruise this year, through The Mediterranean, for several reasons, aside from the obvious.

To fulfill my parent's dream, celebrate my father's 70th birthday, my parents' 40th anniversary, to spend time with relatives we rarely see, and to honor my late brother, whom we lost 10 years ago this July. The cruise is shortly before what would have been his 35th birthday.

I hope all of that illustrates just how significant this trip is.

We have *never* been able to afford to embark on such a luxury. My family has always lived paycheck to paycheck, so this is a very big deal for us.

Since making the decision to do this, we have been so excited. All travel expenses have been paid for, but now with everything I have gone through since making these plans, I am rapidly running out of money to survive on until then, plus any money for the trip itself.

I know many people are probably thinking "You have insurance right? Just get a refund and don't go." Not only has the deadline for that passed, I wouldn’t do it anyway. I'm not missing out on this once in a lifetime trip with my family because of circumstances I can't control, and I shouldn't have to. We don't know that we will ever have the opportunity to do something this special ever again. It's already booked. We're going.

In the meantime I have, of course, been desperately, as many others are, looking for work. Dozens of applications. Even to jobs I really shouldn't be doing given my physical disability (I injured my spine when I was young and currently use a cane as a mobility aid). Because my back is against the wall (pun not intended), and I don't have much choice. I have had zero luck.

I hate asking for help. I feel guilty every time. Especially when it's about money. But, after the financial blows I've been through the past several months, I'm once again at the end of my rope, having to humble myself, and reach out for support. Knowing it's for my own survival is what is keeping the guilt quiet enough to push myself to do so. I have been putting it off for so long, but the encouragement and wise words from friends telling me that's what community is for, reassures me that I don't have to do everything myself. I'm not alone in my struggle. That's been made clear as well by the friends that have helped me in practical ways (as well as financially) over the years, this year especially, with kind friends helping me condense down my storage unit. (Significantly reducing the monthly cost starting in April.) The many times friends have helped me move over the years. Meals people have cooked for me. The list goes on.

I know, in my logical brain, there's nothing wrong with asking for support, but I struggle to reconcile that with my emotional brain. Here I am anyway.

If I could raise even a fraction of my goal, I'll be far better off than I am now. Thank you to everyone who has read this far, or even looked at this page at all. It means the world. I'll probably be doing some fundraising streams between now and the cruise, as well. If people want to hang out for those, that would be cool.

All my love and gratitude,

Your Mazzface x

P. S. My family does not know I am putting up this fundraiser. It's important to me that it stays that way. If you do kindly share this, and you're connected to them on social media, please make sure it stays hidden from them, if possible. Thanks in advance ❤️