hi! thank you in advance for reading. i go by mar, i’m a 20 year old dental nurse/drummer/gym rat and i’m currently trying to distance myself from an unsafe and long-standing abusive situation. my father is an alcoholic and a narcissist so maltreatment of our family (my mom, myself, and 2 siblings) is nothing new. i’ve been verbally and emotionally abused since i was a teenager. he’s done stints in rehab but nothing ever helped. he now refuses to seek therapy or any sort of professional help. because of his apathy towards change, i’ve wanted to leave for awhile but just never had the financial means. i work full time, not making enough to stay above water in this economy. i’ve never thought to ask for support, but last night the danger escalated farther than it ever has, at least to my knowledge. there have been numerous incidents where my dad threatened to make an attempt on his life, but he never did. until yesterday, he and my mom got into an argument and he eventually drove away in a rage, saying “you’ll never see me again” and showing her his kimber .45 pistol with one round in the chamber. cops were called, a search was started, i was shaking and had to talk to the officers alongside my crying mom. she was bleeding from the aftermath of her scuffle with my dad, trying to wrestle the gun away from him. this has happened at least 2 times before, that i’ve witnessed. she says he did not hit her in this instance but i’ve witnessed him do so previously, so it’s unclear. anyway, my dad eventually returned home, alive, but clearly drunk. he berated me when i went to check on him, as we’d been worried sick for his safety for the past couple hours. he said in all but the exact words, that i should fuck off because i don’t care about him at all. i’ve tried ridiculously hard to forgive him and treat him well despite his failures since he’s the only father i’ll ever have, so this just shattered me. i haven’t been home since, and i am dreading going back. i’m desperate to leave this several-year-long cycle of abuse, fear, and manipulation behind. as far as i know i’m safe right now, but there’s no guarantee in such a volatile environment with mental illness running rampant and unrestrained. all help obtained through this gofundme will be used EXCLUSIVELY for moving costs, rent, utility fees, and groceries. anything and everything is appreciated. if you can’t donate, that’s perfectly fine; any shares, resources, or advice is also appreciated. you can reach me on discord or twitter, where my usernames are “porcelainscars” and “falsemeridian” respectively. images attached above to verify my identity. thank you.