Support Mari, Kitax, and Jon During Care Giving

In June of 2021, Jon got diagnosed with stage 4 Hodgkin's Lymphoma. He has gone through a lot with treatment, including multiple types of chemotherapy. To say this has been a rocky road would be a dramatic understatement. Physical pain aside, it has been one of the hardest paths to navigate emotionally, and we are so grateful for each other during this experience.

Thankfully as of this moment we do not need help with any medical bills. Jon has great insurance through his company and that has not been a financial hardship for us like it is for SO many people. However, the emotional strain this has put on me has affected my ability to work. My job is joyful but it does not pay much to begin with... and it means long days and multiple nights away from my family. That is simply not an option for me right now.

About a month ago, Jon was in the hospital for a routine chemo cycle. I was supposed to work an overnight trip but was struggling with leaving him. I knew he was in good hands at the hospital and he assured me not to worry- but anyone who watches their partner go through something like this knows that not worrying is not on the table. I felt boxed into a corner and forced to choose between work and my partner... but it didn't really feel like a choice at all. I had to leave him, and as I did he began to feel cold... like the onset of a fever. In the back of my mind I knew what this meant but there was nothing I could do. I went to work, which meant flying an airplane to a town 100 miles away and staying there overnight. I made him promise to check in with me but I didn't hear a single thing from him until the next day at 0830... after I had been flying for over an hour. Because I didn't hear from him I couldn't sleep and was wracked with worry all night and all morning. Not a good headspace to be in if you are a professional pilot. (I didn't call the hospital for an update because although I am his emergency contact, we are not yet married and I am not his next of kin, and if there was something truly wrong the last thing I want to do is get in the way. Also, you would be surprised how easy it is in the hospital for them to "forget" who you are and simply not call you when something happens, even if you ask point blank an hour earlier. If you've ever had this experience, you know how small and awful it makes you feel.) Turns out, Jon had a fever and was almost moved to the ICU, and I knew nothing about it.

Long story short, I should have been there. For Jon but for my own mental health as well. It is not healthy for me to worry like that, and it's not something I can simply shut off. I am terrified of having to choose my livelihood over my mental health and being present with my family.

Since June I have struggled with accepting help from our community. It seems like my personal shortcoming that I cannot be employed full time, take care of Jon, take care of Kitax, keep the house clean, and take care of myself. Thankfully I have been seeing a good therapist who explains to me that it is not possible to be all of those things at the same time. This brings me to why I'm setting up a Go Fund Me.

I do not feel like I deserve any special help from anyone, but I feel myself being boxed into a corner. I want to be here for Jon and be a good partner to him while he goes through this experience. I feel guilty about not wanting to be away flying airplanes right now and not being able to maintain my professional image. I am struggling to maintain self care because of the guilt I feel about not working. I don't want to have to choose in a few weeks between paying my therapist so I can process all of these emotions in a healthy way or paying for parking at the hospital. Now Kitax has an injury and needs extra care as well. Without being able to work, I have started to cut into my savings- something I said I would never do in case something health-related happened to me. And now I am watching it happen.

I'm not expecting anything and I'm not asking for anything. I want to put this out there because I have had people ask me how they can help me, and this would be a way. I would like to add here that I will be taking leave from work for a bit, but Washington does not accept us as a domestic partnership and we aren't yet married so I am not eligible to receive any benefits from the state. Anything over what gets me by will go towards Kitax's medical bills for her injury, Jon's care, and our home together (i.e. removing safety hazards like mold from the house to keep him safe).

We are all always going through something... so I hope that whatever it is you are going through you have support and that you are doing okay. It makes all the difference.