Support Kelly's Journey to Hand Recovery

Aloha, my name is Kelly and I am fundraising for support during the healing and recovery of a severe hand injury that stopped me in the functioning of my life over the past 3 months and a current projected 2-3 months of devoted occupational therapy to regain use of my hand.

Firstly, and what is most honest is that creating this go Fund me has been a challenging experience for me. Part of the initiation with this injury has been awareness of my relationship with vulnerability and asking for help. I have learned through this pain ceremony that my patterning of a hyper independent life style was coming in for a complete deconstruction. I have carried worries and fears of projections and imposter syndrome about my current circumstance and my inability to take care of myself and work through illusions of what it means to ask for help publicly and that one of my current needs is financial support.

Many of you in my community, and maybe some new people here (aloha), have asked how I can be supported. Here and now I am finding myself in need of financial support. I have made it 3 months without work and now I need help and I am opening myself up to potential resources outside of my comfort (control) zone.

I am creating this go Fund me as an invitation for support for those that are available on a financial level to give.

By no means is this in exclusion if you are unable to contribute financially... I am open to receive prayers and energy towards the healing of my hand and visualizing financial support showing up to support my quality of life at this particular experiment in my life.

(The funding goal amount is to cover the next 2 months of rent and basic expenses of gas, food, utilities. I have applied for EBT, awaiting approval, and looking in to other short term partial disability funding).

I have been out of work now for 3 months with this injury and I am currently in occupational therapy learning how to use my thumb and fingers with complete loss of sensation from tips down my palm to my wrist. (one of the most humbling experiences, with a large dose of not taking the body for granted). I am 6 weeks post surgery and have just had my splint taken away, assuring that my tendon and nerve repair are no longer in harms way. I have been directed to start inviting my hand "back" into my life.

While this has had a sensation of liberation, it also caught me by surprise the level of grief that has appeared now that we have moved out from trauma, and in to strengthening and integration. It caught me by surprise because even though I was unable to use my hand and arm prior to surgery for 7 weeks, there was an injury and a reason it didn't function. Where now... I am very aware of the result of the injury and level of non-function in its state of healing. Its been a challenging and at times heavy life changing reality check.

Its a strange place to be as I am being given exercises in therapy that one week ago I could not do... and at the same time aware that a particular timed exercise takes me 6.75 times longer than my "normal" hand to complete. The complete contrast of celebration of healing (progress) and complete frustration and fear that I may be in this limitation moving forward. When you are working so hard and progression is small and your therapist says "Im tired for you".

I cry every time we do a new exercise that works my hand in a new way. Moving the trauma and emotions that have been caught up in the frozen hand for over 9 weeks. However after my releases I invite myself back in to this present moment. I have worked diligently to bring myself to meet myself in every moment. I try to not wish I am anywhere else and really meet myself where I am now and what there is to discover in each new exercise, and in each new moment. This is where I feel like the grief stage is coming in handy. Allowing finally for completion. Letting go of everything from before, how my hand used to function before injury and expectation of how it "should" be functioning now based on what I think and thought my life was supposed to be at this time. Its really inviting me into a sort of transcendent space.

I find myself currently in a feeling of in between. I am no longer in the trauma of my injury and I am not healed and available to jump back into my life. I have the invitation to acclimate my hand into my life in hopes of expanding its recovery. At the same time really getting to look at how we are creating moving forward as we are unable to create the way we were.

I have a frequency healing and holistic education business and I had a cleaning business. My cleaning business is definitely undoable at this time. My healing practice has been on pause. All the inperson sessions and group ceremonies stopped. I am hoping to return to virtual sessions soon as my nerve pain is shifting and I am hoping I will be able to hold space. That has really been the major player with this injury, the nerve pain, its unpredictable and there is no turning it off, there is always some level of buzzing and tingling and occasional sharp sensations. Of course I will be starting slow to see how we do as I also want to remain a quality space holder and frequency keeper for the soul embodiment offers I provide.

I do have some projects/offers that I am starting to breathe life into again, ones I was devoted to creating prior to my injury, that I am reorganizing to allow for optimal healing time. So this is helping bring a little light and height to my breech. iykyk

If you have made it this far mahalo (thank you) for your presence and taking the time to receive me in my experience. I realize I have shared where I am in my current process. Below I will share more story for those interested and how I got to where I am in this share.

I am in the medicine of this initiation consistently and thank you for meeting me here. If you are available to make a contribution I am eternally grateful for your support on many levels. This is becoming the biggest lesson in surrender and vulnerability I have ever danced with.

Mahalo Nui Loa

Aloha Mā,

Kelly

Summarized Story of what happened:

March 7th began my initiation of many things, which I am still in process of, one being a complete pattern disruption… a complete stop to the life I was living.

10 weeks ago I had a minor fall with major consequences.

To allow this story to be condensed… for practical sake of sharing the: what happened? information, I’m gonna break it down here in brevity, more fact stuff.

10 weeks has been a loooong consistent physical ceremony for me, so you know I have details of all that. I will share as inspired.

I am just now regaining some of my spirit and a bit more mental capacity, to now share at this point.

Which means I am coming through the other side and finally starting to heal.

When I fell I was carrying a glass jar of soup, the glass shattered between my hand and the pavement.

I went to the ER and was primarily treated as a laceration, with potential median nerve damage. Was not given proper instruction and went home to “heal”.

My hand was in severe pain, mostly everything above my laceration. My thumb and first two fingers were numb to the touch and paradoxically the loudest sensations I have ever felt.

I kept being told by medical professionals that my hand “looked good” as I sought out clarity through another ER reassessment by week 2 when things didn’t seem to be healing, and waiting for approval from my doc for an MRI.

Week 4 finally my MRI, which I advocated for. Finally results that reflected the experience I was having:

2 fractures, 2 full cut tendons, a cut to median nerve, hematoma, lots of edema, foreign body aka glass still in my hand, and potential bone infection.

(There was more, but I’m leaving it here.)

Week 5 (solar eclipse) was sent to Oahu for clearing of infection and to meet with a hand surgeon. (Finally someone who got it! More on this later)

Week 6 exploration surgery with intention to repair tendon and nerve. The surgery ended up being the Best case scenario (which I prayed for) from a not best case scenario situation.

Week 8 started Occupational Therapy…

And this is where I am currently at week 11… and will be for some time… I am very much in the baby stages of learning to function my hand, post 9 weeks of NO Movement and two traumas.

I am making progress though. And reminding myself throughout each day.