Support Kabao and Her 8-Year-Old Son Through This Difficult Time

Hello everyone,

It is with a heavy heart that I share the passing of my husband. Our lives changed suddenly, and my 8-year-old son and I are now trying to find our way through this painful and unexpected loss.

He was a devoted father to our son, a caring sports coach at his school, and a father figure to many in our family and community. He gave so much of himself to others, and his absence has left a deep void in all of our lives.

As a mother, my greatest concern is my child. I am doing everything I can to stay strong for him while my own heart is broken. He has lost his father, and I have lost my partner and support. Each day feels uncertain, and I am trying to hold our family together during this unimaginable time.

We are currently preparing for his funeral. For those unfamiliar with Hmong funeral traditions, families must first gather and assign 17 or more leadership and specialized roles, each with specific responsibilities and training. Once these roles are assigned, the funeral typically lasts 2–3 days and includes 24-hour overnight services. These ceremonies involve extended gatherings, spiritual rituals, and providing meals for relatives, elders, and guests both before and after the services.

Hmong funerals are open to the community, and people attend as a sign of respect and shared responsibility. Families welcome all who come, which can mean hundreds or even thousands of guests over several days. Providing food, care, and hospitality for so many people is a deeply meaningful tradition, but it also creates a heavy financial burden during an already painful time.

In Hmong culture, funerals are one of the most important and meaningful traditions, but they also carry great responsibility and financial pressure for families. There is often an expectation to rely on family or take on loans in order to fulfill these cultural obligations. I am doing everything I can to honor my husband while also protecting my son’s future and our stability.

I do not want to place myself in long-term debt during this painful time. My hope is to ask for support so that I can care for my son before, during, and after the funeral, and show him that I tried my best to keep our family safe and supported.

In Hmong culture, funeral responsibilities do not end with the burial. There is also a soul-releasing ceremony held at least 13 days later. These traditions are deeply meaningful but also add to the financial burden.

In addition to funeral expenses, our lives changed suddenly in many other ways. During this tragic incident, I lost access to my car and phone, and my living situation changed unexpectedly. I had to move immediately during a winter storm because I could no longer afford the apartment on my own. I now face new phone and communication expenses, along with transportation and vehicle-related needs while trying to support my son and manage funeral arrangements.

My husband had recently started a new job, and because his passing is under medical examiner review, it may take one to six months to receive the official death certificate. This delay makes financial planning and accessing any possible benefits uncertain. It is also unclear at this time whether his life insurance will be available.

I previously experienced a family funeral where the multi-day ceremonies and lack of rest took a serious toll on my health and required emergency medical care. During that time, I felt expected to remain awake for several days. I am not certain whether this was due to cultural tradition or family expectations, but the exhaustion and stress caused me to become physically ill. Remembering that experience makes me deeply concerned about the physical and emotional strain this upcoming funeral may place on me while I grieve and care for my son.

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Estimated Funeral and Cultural Ceremony Costs (Approximate)

Based on current quotes and cultural requirements, total expenses are expected to be approximately $50,000–$52,000, including:

• Funeral home services and vault

• Traditional casket and shipping from out of state

• Livestock and cultural offerings

• Food, snacks, and meals for elders, family, and guests

• Religious and ceremonial items

• Required leadership and ceremonial roles

• Clothing and ceremonial items

• Flowers and basic arrangements

• Additional cultural and logistical expenses as required

These costs are estimates and may change as arrangements are finalized.

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For those who have asked how they can help, any support would mean more than words can express. Donations will go toward:

• Funeral and cultural ceremony expenses

• Meals and gatherings before, during, and after the funeral

• Ongoing family and cultural obligations in the weeks following

• Transportation and vehicle needs

• Phone replacement and communication costs

• Housing transition

• Supporting my son during this time of loss

If you are unable to donate through GoFundMe but would still like to help in another way, please feel free to reach out to me directly.

If you are unable to donate, simply sharing this fundraiser means so much to us and helps more than you know.

My main goal is to provide stability and care for my 8-year-old son as we begin to heal from this loss. Hmong funerals honor the deceased, and I want to make sure my child and I are not forgotten in the process.

Please know that we are grateful for prayers, love, and encouragement just as much as financial help. Anything helps, and every share is deeply appreciated.

Thank you for taking the time to read our story and for standing with us during this incredibly difficult chapter in our lives.

With love and gratitude,

Kabao L.

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Fundraising Goal: $55,000

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