hi there, friends, it's june, the gypsy mermaid-salty blue-traveling jewelry lady. this time of year, you'd typically find me back home in northern michigan selling my ocean-inspired jewelry at the various weekend art shows & the friday bellaire farmer's market. sadly, i'm not there. i'm in san francisco in my apartment spending my days filled with a variety of doctor and therapy appointments, and generally learning to adjust to a new physical reality, one that's super limited and very frustrating, unable to work with my hands and never physically comfortable.

last october, when i first arrived back in san francisco after yet another great northern michigan summer peddling my jewelry wares, i tried to play the piano, but my arms were too heavy. i barely lasted 15 minutes. fast forward to the end of october & i couldn't ignore it or pretend anymore: something was wrong. my arms & legs felt like lead & my movements were very labored & difficult & there was an ever-present feeling like i had a lead blanket wrapped around my head, the weight of which i couldn't shake, day or night. so i went straight to my medical clinic as a drop in. that first week, as symptoms shifted & emerged (& the fear rose), i was a drop-in there 5 different times. it was apparent something was wrong, but they couldn't figure out what. & now, here it is going into the ninth month, after dozens & dozens & dozens of doctor appointments, specialists, osteopaths, lyme's disease specialists, MRIs, CT scans, X-rays, a DAT scan, physical therapy, occupational therapy, talk therapy to cope with this new disabled reality, lots of acupuncture, neurological chiropractor visits, orthobionomy appointments and more, my neurologist has finally given me a diagnosis: she says i have parkinson's disease. (mic drop)

that was last wednesday...

the days since the diagnosis have been a bumpy, wild, very tumultuous roller coaster of emotions: disbelief, denial, fear, rage, heartbreak, faith, hope, fierce determination, so many tears, along with feeling a hefty outpouring of love from so many wonderful friends & family. my cup of love & support runneth over. i am humbled & truly grateful. i won't lie though: some days are better than others. & if i'm totally honest, yesterday was the hardest day yet- both for symptoms & for letting the darkness creep in. i barely made the 2 block walk to acupuncture. i was scanning the street looking for anyone to rescue me & drive me to the corner, for fear my legs couldn't take me the short distance. alas, i made it, tears in my eyes, but i did it! & i'll take the win, however small. to go from working out 6 days a week & feeling really strong last year, to this; ugh. just ugh.

and of course, work -and therefor income - have been pretty non-existent, unachievable, darn near impossible. and now the coffers are empty, the credit cards maxed. & i have out of pocket visits to cover & bills to pay and as i explore what it means to have parkinson's, i'm looking at the various treatments which hold the promise of helping me live a relatively normal life, all with a hefty price tag, and am definitely at a place where i need help. part of me is still fiercely optimistic and hopeful (part delusion, i know) that this is a misdiagnosis & that it's just a fluke & i'm going to muscle my way out of this & be back to my adventurous ways in no time. either way, treatment & focus & dedication & time will be the determining factor in however this thing plays out. & to get that treatment, i need money & so i'm coming to you, my community & leaning in. the stress of financial scarcity is not helping my condition; not in the least. & i've got the fight of my life ahead of me... but i keep telling myself: i was built for this. my mantras these past months: keep moving & i like to do hard things (who knew the bar for hard was going to be so low, like changing clothes, going to the bathroom or chopping vegetables).

so here we are. and here i stand, disabled & very much vulnerable.

please help if you can. either way, know how much your love & support & kind words of encouragement mean too. & thank you. it truly does take a village...