Support Joti and Indra creating a family

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My name is Joti and my husbands name is Indra and we have been on a fertility journey for 4 years.

Indra and I got married on February 14th, 2022 as a way of saying yes to our love, yes to creating family and yes to continuing on in our journey to bring a child into our hearts, lives and homes.

For as long as I can remember I’ve known I want to be a mom, but I could have never imagined the challenges on the road to get there. After earning my MA in Education, most of my professional work for the past two decades has involved nurturing children. From directing a garden program in an inner city elementary school, to founding a nature-based preschool in rural Sonoma County. My approach to early childhood education incorporates crafting, fostering a sense of adventure and belonging in nature, and creating a caring environment for learning.

While I have wanted to be a mother all my life, I waited for the right person to make a family with before trying to have a child. The story of how my partner and I met is actually a kind of storybook: After 40 years of looking for a partner, my mother and Indra’s step-mother suggested that we meet. Our courtship was slow and easeful as we grew into a friendship, but once we started dating, we knew intuitively that we wanted to make a life together. I respect, honor and love Indra, who is a generous and solid husband. Just as he has shown up for me and my community, I know he is going to be an amazing father.

For the past four years, I’ve been living with my Indra where we steward a beautiful three-acre apple orchard with chickens and a vegetable garden in a pristine setting next to a vibrant stream. Together with our dog and cat, we live a very sweet, simple life, embedded in a close-knit, family-oriented community.

When we decided to call in family together, I immediately started acupuncture to increase our chances of fertility. After six months of trying, we started to do testing, tracking ovulation, and Chinese herbs, all to no avail. I had a miscarriage in February 2019, after a year and a half of trying to get pregnant, and we recognized that the next logical step was to look into IVF. I checked out several clinics in the United States, but when I realized that my own eggs were most likely not viable, it made sense financially and ethically to go to Spain, where the costs are lower and where egg donation was anonymous, which appealed to me. We traveled to Spain right before Covid hit to begin the IVF process with donor eggs and Indra’s sperm, but then had to wait for another year and a half before Spain opened its borders again. In that time, I got pregnant in May, 2020, and that pregnancy also ended in a miscarriage in July, 2020. The two miscarriages were absolutely devastating to me.

We were finally able to return to Spain in July, 2021, for the embryo transfer. Before we embarked on the journey, we called our community of close friends together to bless the trip and hold us in this prayer for a baby. We have been so fortunate to have such good friends every step of the way! The transfer was not successful, and for the first time in my life I had to really sit with what it would be like to not have the gift of motherhood. I continue in earnest to support children’s growth and development every day at preschool.

After mourning the failed embryo transfer for five months, my partner and I feel ready to continue our shared journey with the acknowledgement that many transfers fail on their first time. Our ideal scenario is to raise enough money to do this process in the familiarity of my home country, in the US, where borders can’t close against us, and where I can continue to receive healthcare and be nurtured by my supportive community while continuing my work helping to raise and inspire the next generation. I would like to give this next implanted embryo the best chance, without the disruption of airline travel and international borders. And the cost of egg donations in the US is exorbitant and often reaches about 40,000 for medicine and cost.

That leaves us with the next best option which is to travel back to Spain where we have another embryo waiting for us. This would mean taking the first trimester to be in Europe, without plane travel in order to give this fetus the best chance of turning into a healthy happy child. It also means taking off of work, paying for accommodations and all of the additional tests and medications that will be necessary. I hope to return to Spain in June when it’s easy to take off from school.

I imagine being a mom who raises a child amidst the blossoming apples trees and the traditions of our families and culture. Indra and I have come together to create a family - that is what our love is here for, and throughout the hardships we have grown stronger as a couple. We continue to hold strong with faith - knowing that we will have the opportunity to build a healthy family and leave something for the future beyond ourselves. Leaving a legacy feels especially important because Indra became orphaned at the age of 9 ,for him making his own family is profoundly healing and generative. We need good children out there who are going to take care of this world, and Indra and I would be good parents to help create that next generation who can tend to the planet.

We can’t wait to welcome this little one into the world, for my mother to enjoy her grandmotherhood, and Indra’s five sisters to be his aunties, and for our community to help hold this child and support them to become a strong, confident and mature adult ready to give their gifts to the world.

We are asking you all to help fund and support our journey. We want to be able to give our child everything needed. The failures have decimated me, but we are committed to bringing a child into the world, and I so yearn to be a mother. While I know I must accept whatever will come, in my heart of hearts I cannot put down this dream and I need your support to help make it a reality. Thank you for witnessing my story and for the beautiful work of supporting other people like me to realize dreams, and bring new life into this world!

P.S. If we are able to raise more than we need the remainder of the money will go towards the birth plan. If there is still money left over we will donate it to other people on the fertility journey.