Hello,

My name is Josh. I'd like to begin with saying I never thought in my life I would need to ask for help in a way like this. I'm an RN. I have taken care of people for years, I've rescued lives and I've held the hands of many people as they passed away and I did so in a way that I would hope someone would do for me if I was in their shoes. The Nursing care I deliver is of extreme importance to me and I pride myself in my accomplishments. I worked in the emergency department and Med surge units as a charge RN as well as case management. I am married and have 3 great kids. My wife has a health condition that has made me the primary bread winner. We are going on nearly 20 years of marriage and mortgaged our first house in January 2022 after I had taken a leap to travel nurse in order to hopefully make enough money for our modest 130k American dream of Home ownership that came with loads of work. But we made it happen!

On July 25th of this year I was trimming trees on my property when the ladder I was on gave way, it was the 12 ft ladder and I was 3rd step from the top. When the ladder gave way I was holding a pole saw with an electric chainsaw attachment. As I was falling the handle portion of the chainsaw struck the left rear side portion of my skull. The blow was so significant at the time that I did not realize what had occurred.

That entire day and weekend is a blur. I went to work the following week with a slight headache and it gradually turned into extreme pressure on my ears and ringing. I was driving for work to a client and suddenly I had intense ringing and then deafness in my left ear. Thankfully this passed and being a Nurse and a man I just ignored it. Two days later I had just completed an annual paperwork session for state compliance and suddenly I felt as though I had no control over my body as it melted into the chair and I slipped to the floor as this was occurring I thought ‘Is this it? Am I going to DIE HERE?

Needless to say it was terrifying, as I tried to stand up I felt as though my body was spinning wildly out of control in all directions and my face was numb with tingling sensations all over my head. Words were difficult to put together and suddenly my vision was glitching as I would try to look at something the focal point would double or jerk right to left. As the symptoms grew worse I knew I was on a closed reservation that would be out of network for my insurance as it was an IHS hospital with limited resources. I called my wife and putting words together was incredibly difficult. Words that came out of my mouth were words that I was not thinking nor trying to say. I knew this was serious. To say I was scared would be a gross understatement.

In a short time my wife and I were at the very emergency room I began my training in. Seeing my former coworkers with concerned looking eyes. I had been vomiting and had no sense of balance. They did a CTA, a CT with contrast to help see better. Later he recommended transfer due to an odd looking appearance of the left hemisphere of my brain. But the Radiologist that read it cleared it as normal (This was only 12 days after the blow to the head that I did not NOT know occurred.) Ultimately my former colleague recommended I be transferred for a further work up but because I could remember the astronomical out of pocket I was adamant on going home. This was allowed but any worsening or stroke symptoms and I must return. I was praying I would feel better in the morning but I could not sleep because the nausea, vomiting and not having any real balance made that night tough but I had no idea what I was in for yet.

The next morning I was seen by a provider in a clinic and given some Zofran and told to also take meclizine and it was likely labyrinthitis and that they don’t treat it with anything else.

The days went on and I kept getting worse, trouble seeing, walking! I presented to the clinic to see my PCP and was quickly evaluated and expeditiously sent to a larger city for an MRI and MRI with contrast, it was also at this time I was told NO DRIVING. (I had already stopped). As the MRI encompassed me the kahdunk, kahdunk, brought new thoughts of extreme concern about how am I going to work like this? I was then wheeled back to the unit. After a few hours a different ER doctor came in and told me there are a few spots on your brain in this region and that region we call these flairs. He asked if I have a history of Multiple Sclerosis in my family and I nervously stated yes. He then said, “well you will need to follow up with neurology, I wish you good luck darting out of the room.” I wasn’t offered an opportunity to speak. I was floored and yet again scared.

Then came the long uncomfortable wait to see a specialist. Must make sure in network, the I’s dotted the T’s crossed I had two appointments. One 2 months away the other 4 months away. During this time I reached out to a few of my former colleagues and all seemed to be puzzled and recommended to keep seeking higher levels of care.

I began to worsen, my balance was non-existent. I was totally dependent on my wife to help me with bathing, dressing, walking, and sometimes reading things to me as my eyes would not adjust or I just couldn’t understand. I then went temporarily deaf in my right ear and temporarily blind in my Right eye. The pain and pressure had slightly worsened every day that passed to the point I was taking far too many Tylenol and ibuprofen to be safe. I knew this could not continue, so I called in a favor to be seen by my provider on her lunch break. My provider see’s how I am struggling to walk without falling and the ear ache pain I was in (Thinking they were horrible inner wear infections) was beginning to put me in a severely desperate dark place. My PCP ordered 2 broad spectrum antibiotics to cover many different bad bugs, and a heavy dose of steroids.

I began taking the medications and oh my gosh!, I am beginning to feel a little better. I began working from home with accommodations from my then employer. I did my best to do as much work as I could despite my job being 65 percent travel but could not safely drive. About a week in I am working full time from home and thinking, ‘finally I am going to have this nightmare over with.’

As the days went on I had to begin lowering the steroid doses. This was helping very much but it cannot be a long term option especially at high doses. Slowly I was heading right back to where I was. I became very frustrated and being an RN I began to advocate fiercely for myself. I than reached out to a different large hospital and requested to speak to the lead triage RN in Neurology. The Angel on the other end of the phone heard me out and began assisting me to be seen by one of their neurologists.

I was struggling with my mobility greatly and even working from home was challenging with no bathroom on the level of the room I was working in. I often had to sit on my rear to go down the steps and dog crawl up them dragging my hiking poles behind me. I had fashioned a clip to a small bag I still use. I was in bad shape and we had no clue what was going on. Work was beginning to let me know that I was becoming a burden to the business and I want to say I understood where they were coming from due to my inability to safely operate a vehicle or walk on my own.

On 9/11/25 I finally see my first neurologist. This visit really didn’t go well and I was so convinced it was in my ears she ordered another MRI that takes more pictures of the inner ears. But during that appointment she told me that these things can just come on, that my mother had migraines and you had headaches and its vestibular migraine with bilateral vestibular hypofunction but I’ll order one more test and you're going to go see ENT (The ENT actually proved to me it was what she said). They both said, you have a long road and you need to let others take care of you now, with the neurologist. It seemed like the only kind words out of her mouth at the time as I feared the inevitable situation of my job anxiously awaiting what the neurologist was going to say, can he drive? I already knew that answer was NO, I can’t even walk without 2 hiking poles.

I reached out to my director and she was just sad for me, not angry. She knew I was trying my best and doing good with the duties that were assigned. I could feel her body language through the teams meeting. I knew I was in peril. I tried very hard that week with the triptans not working and only giving me chest pain. I reached out to the neurologist but she is gone on vacation for 2 weeks. I just suffered and the pain was something I have never experienced in my life and I have been through some painful situations in my life.

9/19/2025 I got the email. The team meeting that I had been dreading. I recorded it. 15 minutes I can’t bear to watch it.

I had become extremely depressed and in terrible pain unable to walk without assistance and I’ll admit I said something stupid that nearly landed me into an involuntary stay. I’m not proud of that, but it’s real and people can just break sometimes. I am thankful for the officer that came to visit with me he was very skilled and was shocked because he had not heard of what happened to me. I kept this all as close to the chest as possible, hoping I could wake up and just be better one day, so I could avoid the shame and embarrassment I felt, the caregiver that can’t give care.

I feared and still fear not being hired due to what we learned.

During the course of all this, did you hit your head?, was asked a million times and I said hey I fell off a ladder. My memory is hazy but I don’t think so. My youngest daughter overheard me and my wife talking about what if and took it upon herself to go through security camera footage and there it was. Boy did that fall look a whole lot more violent on a bigger screen. Pieces began to come together a bit, like how I thought that chainsaw handle broke off on the cement walkway but no, it busted off on my head.

I sent the videos to the doctors .

My first Neurologist prescribed a new medication and I could feel a difference just a little but a difference. I saw the 2nd neurologist. He was nice, arrogant, his delivery of “your life may never be the same again”, could be delivered better. He prescribed shots my insurance wouldn’t cover and I told him that but he insisted they would get approved and on my way home from Mayo they did but Mayo clinic said No way that is not the correct way to treat a brain injury.

I forgot to mention that during my weeks of agony I began researching Mayo and requested a referral. Fortunately there was a cancellation and due to the new information learned of Traumatic Brain injury I got the spot. Over this period Neurologist 1 was increasing the medication that was helping but not quite enough. Finally we got close. I was walking unassisted by afternoon and almost feeling like me in the evening after the 3rd dose.

I’ve now been to Mayo and must return. It is indeed a brain injury and now many things in my life may change. I am doing my best to recover but brain injuries heal very slowly with significant impact. Now I am just trying not to go bankrupt or lose my house over these debts. I had 3 months worth of our average expenses saved and I wish I had more but I don’t. I have sold some cherished belongings. I do not come on here lightly asking for help. My wife has accepted another part time job to help with the expenses however almost everything is going on credit now.