Liberation fund

23 he/they

I’ve got a big life ahead please help me live it.

In an effort to be intentional about the way I carry myself through this life, that is authentically and honestly, I have made the decision to get top surgery. It feels like a rash decision but one that I knew before I could even name. Since moving to Australia three years ago, I feel grateful to have had enough queer people and good role models around me to come to this realisation.

Growing up in Macedonia, most of my life felt like an out of body experience. With queer people no where in sight, the dissociation got pretty bad, I felt this deep sense of apathy and disconnection from my body and I could never understand why.

I’ve felt such relief, realising this about myself. That there is a name and an end to this feeling. At the same time living in this body while knowing this is very painful. Medical research suggests that the gender incongruence of it all translates to cognitive dissonance. So I decided to do something about it.

I keep picturing myself running shirtless through a field of flowers, or playing soccer, the sun on my skin, feeling so much joy. Up until recently I never really felt like I was in control, this is a new feeling. To be sure of myself and to know where I am heading. To feel in possession of my life.

The fact that I am asking for crowdfunding support from my communities is not lost on me. I am asking for support so that I can better show up for my communities in return. I want to be a better friend, a better provider for my family, a better storyteller, poet, a better athlete, better leader and advocate.

But I am tired of carrying the weight of something that feels foreign on my body. It’s hard, but I know my way through. I know who I am and I won’t compromise on it.

This decision feels like the first step of growing into myself. I am also asking for trust. Trust that I know who I am becoming.

Janče June 2025