Hello friends,

Two and a half years ago I entered treatment for a variety of reasons. While my time in residential treatment was helpful and I achieved some success, I eventually relapsed on alcohol and cannabis and have now had five different jobs in that time span. I’m burnt out on life and feel very little hope for a stable, purposeful, and connected life. For months now, the first thing I did when I would wake up in the morning is get drunk or high to numb out the reality of my life and self-medicate. It was my way of escaping the perceived failure that I am. I’m so tired of the mess I continue to make out of my own life and the extreme isolation and shame that comes with that.

Fourteen years ago, I was fortunate enough to work at a wilderness therapy program, called ANASAZI, in Arizona as a Trailwalker. I was 24 years old at the time, and to this day it is the most impactful and meaningful job I’ve ever had. I witnessed profound change in the Youngwalkers’ (clients) lives and my own. It is also the most connected I have ever felt to people and I was happy there. It taught me resilience, grit, compassion, empathy, and seeking the light in others and myself. My trail name that was given to me was Dancing Light Seeker. I have not sought that inner or outer light for many, many years and have walked in darkness for a long, long time. It has only gotten worse and more extreme as the years have gone by.

Thankfully, ANASAZI has an adult program and those who participate are called Sinagua, or, “without water.” I have recently applied to attend there as a Sinagua and have been accepted. My start date is sometime in the next few weeks and it is a 49 day program, completely out in the wilderness of Arizona, living primitively. Having been a former Trailwalker, I know this program works and I have hopes that it will change my life and walking in a meaningful and tangible way.

I am telling you all this because ultimately I am asking for donations to attend. Thankfully I have already received a substantial scholarship from the ANASAZI Foundation to help offset the costs, but there is still a large balance that is due. I know in this economy and inflation being what it is, that finances are very tight for many people. I honestly feel awkward and a bit weird asking for financial help. Any amount at all would be helpful though (even $5), or even just an encouraging word as I once again try to walk forward. I have set up a GoFundMe campaign via the link below where you can donate if you feel so inclined. And even if you can’t, just knowing and reading your words of support mean the absolute world to me. If you’d like to learn or know more about ANASAZI, I would encourage you to go to www.anasazi.org and read a little about them.

Thank you all so much.