support for sab ₊⋆ emergency housing!

 

simply sab (@simplysab_ttv) - they/she - is an incredible human in need of our help! they are a latinx & queer content creator, activist, and full-time student pursuing a career in opera. they recently worked up the courage to leave their abusive relationship but it leaves them without housing safety and they're currently unable to work as well, so they are in need of some help from the community to keep them afloat until they can finish their school year.

 

the event will be april 1 at 11am CT to april 4 at 11pm CT! for details of the event: 

 

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please read simply sab's twitlonger post for more details: https://twitter.com/whimsyaction/status/1508629415818846211?s=20&t=03lUWrEZlfolsxFXPIVmMA

 

 

"Hey friends.

 

It’s taken me a few days to collect myself and decide what to do. If there are any typos or sentences a little hard to understand— pls be patient with me. I’m still a bit frazzled by the situation. So a little explanation of what’s going on and the help I’m going to need will be talked about.

 

 

CW/TW: abusive behavior.

 

So for the besties who know, know that E* (Erny, I don’t wanna write his whole name each time) and I were together for nearly 10 years. We lived together for 4 years. I have always been very transparent with y’all about me being a full time opera student. About a year and a half ago erny told me to quit my barista job bc my chronic pain body couldn’t handle it anymore. I was coming home and being bedridden because my body couldn’t handle the intense labor. I would have to rest all day to push myself to go back the next day (or if I was lucky I had the day off). E has a good job and made enough to financially support both of us. Which is the main reason why I need help.

With him having control over money— I don’t have money to find a substantial living situation. I am currently couch hopping (while still having to attend school and long days of rehearsal is VERY hard). I don’t know how long couch hopping will last because I don’t have many IRL friends.

 

Now, what happened to cause the break up? It was a build up of many things that lead to an awakening of mine.

 

Over the course of the whole relationship I really struggled with giving 3000% effort and not getting anything back. I would bring this up at my breaking point(s) and he would convince me he would “change”. My emotional needs weren’t being met.

 

Over time he began to get more and more picky with me. Anything I said or did was up for criticism. All of a sudden it felt like anything I did was a “waste of time” and “wrong” (his words). He would belittle me and bring me down. Anytime I got happy about my vocal growth in this opera and how good I feel I am, he would feel the need to “bring me down” and say things like “yeah you’re good but you can improve”. Y’all know how happy and uplifting I try to be as a person.. whenever I would get passionate and excited about something he would tell me to “be quiet, you’re so loud”. He did this in public and in our own home. Sometimes when I would try to have light hearted conversations with him he would shut me down immediately and say whatever I said was “st*pid”.

I couldn’t do or say anything without having to anticipate if he would get upset at me. He also did this with what I wanted to wear. He wouldn’t like that I would wear things that were tighter or suggestive in ANY way. For example: I have a gym shirt I wish I could wear in public and not just at the gym under a sweater (well now I can) that has skeleton hands over the chest area. !!! It’s so cute !!! When I got it E was like “that just for around the house right?”

 

Before I knew it, now I felt like I couldn’t sing at home. SING. It’s literally WHAT I DO. He would cringe and say his ears hurt bc I am so loud. Which I understood at the time, but then he would make jokes about losing his hearing at a younger age or developing Tinnitus. I would tell him this hurts me because he knows I’m self conscious about practicing or singing at home and he would brush it off. He complained more than he ever complemented me about my voice.

 

Not to mention I had to fish complements out of him. To hear anything nice I would have to ask “do I look cute today?” To get a “yea” in return. I rationed his affection and rare moments when he was sweet to me. I reminisced in moments when he was nice. It kept me going until it didn’t.

 

So now I’m being made to believe my feelings don’t matter, I am hard to love, I do everything wrong, I ask for too much, I am st*pid, and I waste time. Which in turn made me feel like a waste of time. This went on for years. I believed it. He always told me “I’m not saying this to shit on you. I’m helping you”.

 

I grew up in a toxic home. I’ve been in abusive relationships before that were more blatantly abusive so that’s why I didn’t realize what was happening here right away. I just thought *wow, he hurts my feelings a lot*.

 

Obviously he has said other terrible things however I don’t have the energy to touch on every way he emotionally wore me down to nothing. This is just the tip of the iceberg.

 

Over the past two weeks I was reflecting on my life with how stressful the opera is becoming the closer we get to opening. Everyone in the program is so amazing, uplifting, supportive, and reassuring. I would say to myself “I wish E could be like this with me”. Then I came to the conclusion that I’m getting all my emotional support from everyone but him. I realized he isn’t ever going to change no matter how badly I want it or how much I showed how him I love him.

 

I turned to my close friends and asked them if they think I’m an asshole for thinking about leaving. For “throwing away” our long relationship together. For uprooting my life to leave with nowhere to go. I don’t have money. I can’t move home.

 

They reassured me they would help as much as they could and support me through this tough decision. They reminded me that I am important, loved, worthy, and protected.

 

I turned to one of my mentors about this. After crying to her, she asked me “Sabrina, do you identify this as abusive behavior?” And I said “no he just makes me feel bad a lot and hurts my feelings a lot.” She responded “this is abuse. It’s bullying and belittling. It’s a branch of manipulation” and it clicked. She told me “sometimes those who have been abused before have a hard time identifying when it’s happening if it doesn’t look exactly the same”. She hit the nail on the head. It clicked. I had to get out of there.

 

I realize he doesn’t love me. He loved everything I did for him. I gave him EVERYTHING. He loved the me HE created after conditioning. I wasn’t myself anymore. I was having anxiety attacks every time I thought about going home. I would cry to my friends at school that I can’t handle driving home to that environment. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to have a chance at love with someone who loves ME because I am awesome and have so much love to offer. I deserve better. Thursday night after coming home from rehearsal I broke up with him. Packed what I could in my one suitcase, hugged Meekah (my cat) and left.

 

Since then he’s been trying to talk to me, get me to let him see me. I’ve been firm in saying no or just not replying.

 

Our breakup is non-negotiable. He seems to forget that part. I turned off my location to him and just stopped replying. He reached out to my parents even went to their home to talk about this. Which is scary. I don’t know what lies ahead for me but I do know it includes happiness.

 

Now, this is when I ask for help.

Which is really hard for me to do.

I cannot emotionally or physically get a job until the opera is over in May. So I need help raising enough for a security deposit/rent for a few months/gas/food. I’m hoping that once I find a place to live I can go get Meekah and my PC and live my own life again. I can’t tell y’all how hard it is to leave Meekah with him. I’ve had her the entirety of her life. She’s 11 now. She’s always been my ESA and best friend. Y’all can imagine how I’m feeling without her. I also really want to get back to streaming and seeing y’all. However I can’t do either of those things without a sustainable place to live.

 

I would like to do a mutual aid fundraiser with any of my streamer friends that can help. I’m thinking $5k is good enough for a few months rent and living expenses here in So Cal. Keep in mind I also don’t have any furniture anymore including a bed.

 

I’m shooting my shot. I am asking my community and friends for help. I’m living and taking things day by day.

 

If you’re interested in helping stream/fundraise please let me know via dm or comment. I really need help as soon as possible so even if you think you can contribute one stream to helping— I would appreciate that. Also if you cannot help through streaming or donations, RTing will help just as much. I will be putting my Ko-fi link in bio.

 

I am so sorry this is so long. I am trying my best to not feel guilty asking for help. I love and appreciate y’all so much. I can’t wait to come back to streaming once I have a place to live."