My family and I are facing one of the hardest times of our lives. As many of you know, less than two months ago I lost my oldest brother, Jacques, unexpectedly. The shock and grief have been overwhelming, and as the holiday season approaches, it’s been even more difficult to find comfort and stability. I feel like each day is getting harder. The first time I heard “merry Christmas” this season was from an older man bagging my groceries at Fred Meyer. I instantly choked up walking to the exit and full on bawled the whole way home.

I love Christmas, Jacques loved Christmas and our traditions. He’d want us to continue those traditions and celebrate the holiday. Being the youngest and the mediator of the family, it’s frustrating to watch as my family’s hearts break during a time that is supposed to be warm, light and fun. All I want to do is fix those broken hearts and will do whatever it takes to take a little hurt off, even if it is for a few minutes.

Everything is heavy. The state of the world, rising prices, bills, weather.. and add missing Jacques on top of all of that. We lost our Uncle in August and also had to let Jacques’ dog, Kora, go the day after Thanksgiving. On top of all that, we just received Jacques’ hospital bill in the mail. We’re struggling not only with our emotions but also with the practical challenges that come with losing three extremely important souls in our lives. My family is finding it hard to keep up with so many house bills, cooking, and the added stress of the season makes everything feel heavier. We want to honor Jacques’ memory, and do what he’d do this holiday season, provide laughter and fun memories for his family, especially for his daughter and niece. I’m finding it hard to navigate this time without some support. Everyone always says, “anything you need, let me know.” I’m letting you know now that I need help.

I’m reaching out to that support system us Alleva’s know we have. Any help you can give will go directly toward our family’s essential needs—keeping our home running, making sure we have food to eat, and providing a bit of relief as we try to navigate our first holiday without Jacques. My family does not know I am reaching out but on Christmas Day there will be a page from this GoFundMe showing the love from our family and friends this holiday season and they will know who has supported us all along. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for your support.