I'm a cardiac care patient with a congenital heart defect and I'm headed for surgery number 6. This is the first one in over 20 years and its a lot to process.

I see my surgeon in early April to do testing and ask any new questions that may have come up. We met him back in December and we like him. We feel confident in his skills and his realism. He tells it like it is but without being so blunt that it scares you shitless. I also trust that my cardiologist would not have chosen just any surgeon to work on me. Plus when I posted in The Zipper Sisters (a support group for women with congenital heart defects), someone immediately gave a glowing review of my surgeon. And trust me when I say those ladies are very critical of cardiologists and surgeons. I mean we have to be. Our lives are in their hands…literally.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. My anxiety has been running rampant since this whole process started. While my surgeon has given us the best surgical odds that I’ve ever had, there’s still a real significant chance that my diaphragm is damaged (50/50) or something else goes wrong (10% chance of this not being successful or me not coming out of it).

For now, we take it one step at a time. I’m working on my checklist of things I need to do in the next 2 months and slowly working my way through it. But hey! We got this group set up so that’s one thing done!

The love and support that I’ve already received has meant a lot. It’s one of the only reasons I likely haven’t shut down in panic. While this has been my life since I was born, it’s stressful and exhausting. And being told constantly how brave and strong and inspiring I am is just as exhausting as well. I’m just doing the best I can with the cards I was dealt. And some days, I really wish I could mulligan and get a new hand. But in this game of life, there sadly are no mulligans. Just the chances to play through the game and see what cards you draw next. Hopefully this a good hand.