My dad
He is my biggest supporter and best friend in the world
On the afternoon of Friday, November 14th, he took out the trash like any other day, like a million times before, but this time he caught his foot either on a bump on the sidewalk or the first stair and tripped forward into the cement porch stairs. I was puttering around the house, looking for my shoes since we were planning to run some errands, when I heard the dog going ballistic at the back door. I didn't even hurry, I just assumed it was a squirrel or something silly as usual. I looked out, and didn't see him at first. Then I looked down and saw the red flannel over the edge of the porch stairs. When I ran outside he was face down, trying to scream my name as loud as he could. He was bleeding from the head and couldn't move, and he was terrified.
He completely lost feeling in his legs and hands. He was taken to the ER, then soon after life flighted to a hospital downtown. There was, fortunately, no clear break, but his spinal cord was compressed. Emergency surgery was performed early on Saturday morning, a spinal laminectomy from his c3-c7 vertebrae. They tell me it was successful and now it's just a matter of time to see if he regains feeling or movement. He’s currently intubated (at his request; for about 48 hours after surgery he has to lay flat which can make breathing difficult, but it’s still really scary). At this point it’s just a waiting game to see if relieving the pressure on his spine gives him any feeling or movement back. He can’t feel me holding his hand yet.
Some of you who know me also know my mom has dementia and very little mobility. Something that has been developing and worsening slowing over the past 6 years. Dad and I took care of her together; it's not complicated caring for her, but it is time-consuming, and sharing the tasks allowed me to run my small business, especially on market days when he could stay home with her while I was out managing my table. He always wanted to come help with set up and tear down. Running my own business isn't easy and I've considered trying to find a job, but the catch-22 is that I can't work full-time unless it's a pretty particular type of job with an open flexibility that doesn't seem to exist. And that was WITH his help.
Right now in addition everything going on with him, I’m trying to keep above the waterline on making sure she’s taken care of, and it's just extra difficult. The hospital he’s at is a half hour drive, and it sucks that I can’t just be there with him. I can’t spend more than a couple hours away at a time. I haven’t slept well since then because every time I close my eyes I see him crumpled up on the stairs again, calling for me. And I’m afraid the hospital might call. It’s just a lot right now. I’m not good at asking for help.
Our dog Duncan misses him so much, too. I think because Duncan saw him fall, he's just especially aware of his absence. Last year, dad was in and out of the hospital for heart failure and the caretaking was a lot, but it wasn't for a very long time and he got so much better after putting in so much work. This time it's going to be a very long road to recovery, and I have no idea what sort of outcome to even begin to expect. But I know there will be medical equipment that may or may not be covered. I know the house we're living in is already extremely difficult to take care of my mom in; an old farm house with a hallway too narrow for a wheelchair and a bathroom too small for a person with a walker. I have no idea how dad is going to manage, or even when he's going to be able to come home. And it's going to need time; we pay our bills through a combination of my small business income (which has been a whole other struggle with everything going on in the world) and his social security. I'm going to do everything I can to keep my small business running, but we're just going to need help. I need him to be able to focus on getting better and not worry about me or the bills or anything else. He was apologizing in the ER to me, over and over, and I need him to just not feel that guilt. I need to be able to pick up the pieces as much as possible.
I just need my dad to be okay. Whatever happens, whatever his condition ultimately is, I just want him to be okay, and I hope you can help me with that. He JUST retired, and was looking forward to helping me with business stuff, to reading, to spending more time with mom, to putting together lego sets I've bought him since now he had the time, and I hate so much, so so much that this happened. I just want to hop in the car with him and the dog for our regular Sunday drive through the park. I just want him at his spot at the dinner table, talking to mom about colors and counting things.
I am so so grateful for the love and support I've already received. I know this is just a bad time for everyone everywhere. If you're unable to donate, I just would appreciate if you can share this. Thank you for even reading this.