Support for Bode's Memorial and Family Healing

I’m not sure where to even begin. This pregnancy has been completely fine and on track. Bode’s heart rate was also perfect at each appointment till yesterday. Yesterday, I went into my 36 week ultrasound and by the look of the tech something was off. She said please wait here I have to go get the doctor. I immediately started to panic. There was no heart beat. Doctor told me to flip over to my other side from how I was laying. We got a very faint heart beat back. She called the hospital and they had no transportation for at least 20 minutes so she said let’s go I’m taking you. We got to the hospital within 3 minutes where I was being rushed to the OR for emergency surgery. When I woke up they told me they had to do cpr for over 50 minutes to revive him till little man’s faint heart beat returned. The doctors believed he lost so much oxygen to the brain that he would most likely have brain damage but they were willing to transport him to St Pete all children’s for a cooling treatment and ekg of the brain. At this point I still had not been able to see my baby. As a parent we were left with the hardest decision. To bay flight him while I’d be stuck at Trinity with the possibility of him not making it there and I’d not be able to see my child or hold him EVER. Having to make the decision to keep him at Trinity, take him off all tubes and hold our sweet boy till he takes his last breathe. This pain is beyond unimaginable and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. We got to tell Bode how much we loved him and will forever cherish the little bit of time we got to share together. The road ahead is going to be unbearable but I’m so thankful for my fiancé who held it together for the both of us but this was definitely not in the plan. We now have to set up with the funeral home and deal with the cost of cremation along with the long road ahead with postpartum complications that are to come with losing a child.