Support Firefly and Rachel’s Medical Recovery

Hello out there!

Firefly and I have both been struggling with medical issues, and I have done everything I possibly can to help him get better. Over the past few months I have learned how to ask for help (though I don’t always ask as quickly as I should and still really struggle with the entire process). I’ve spent so many years living on the West Coast over a thousand miles away from my family on the East Coast, and essentially have had to learn how to take care of myself in every way. I’ve lived alone for the majority of the years during and after college, and spent many of those years self-employed. That meant no sick days, no paid vacations, no worker’s comp should I get injured, and no traditional job benefits such as retirement contributions or employer offered health insurance. That experience helped to make me strong and self-reliant, but has also limited my confidence in asking of others when I need assistance. Though I have working in the “regular” workforce full time for the past 4 or so years, those luxuries are again no longer available to me. I am now swallowing my pride, exposing my vulnerability and asking you all for help.

I fully realize that I have a tendency to provide WAY too much information and that can be overwhelming. My story is unfortunately longer than I’d like, and has many branches that have converged to place me in the position I find myself currently. I will then ask you to treat this narrative as a sort of “choose your own adventure”- I’ll cover the basics and if you’d like to read more about that particular “chapter”, you can scroll down and learn more. I’m facing a bit of a deadline, so will likely update the page frequently. With all of that being said, allow me to continue…the basics are listed below in the order they occurred.

THE BASICS

- Firefly was diagnosed with Severe Equine Asthma likely brought on by high pollen counts. His vet care has been expensive and ongoing, and I’ve had to alter his living situation to hopefully lessen his exposure to environmental factors making him worse, which is also more costly. I’ve started a YouTube channel

@FireflyandRachelGunnerson to upload all of the videos I (and the barn manager, Kristy) have taken showing his breathing and current treatment, as well as his general shenanigans. I’ll also include some other random bits that may be interesting or amusing.

- I recently had spinal surgery and haven’t been able to work as much or build up my savings to account for unforeseen emergencies (which have now happened) and I can no longer pay my bills. In an attempt to return to work before I probably should have, I’ve backslid in the recovery process and am not healing as quickly as I or my doctors would like. I haven’t been able to progress in physical therapy and am still in a great deal of pain.

- Before returning to work, I broke a tooth in the front of my mouth that had been previously damaged when I was kicked in the face by a horse. The tooth now has to be extracted and I’ve been given several options for after extraction, but none are financially feasible at this point.

- I was allowed to return to work on a reduced-but-increasing hourly schedule over several weeks, with light duty restrictions involving no lifting over 10 pounds as requested by my doctor. HR stipulated that I needed to submit a letter from my doctor by 6/25/25 clearing me for full duty or further options would need to be discussed. I was not allowed to work with residential clients or the horses until I was fully cleared, and I was not healing or improving despite the light duty accommodations.

- My doctor did not feel comfortable clearing me for full duty and requested a longer period of accommodations from HR to allow me to recover. When I submitted his request for further accommodations and the subsequent reasoning behind that request, HR was not willing to work with me. They stated that there was no place at the organization for me until I was fully healed. Due to liability concerns and the possibilities of me getting injured further while being on campus, I would have to wrap things up that I have been working on and leave the property as soon as possible. They gave me 2 options:

1. Exhaust the remaining 3 weeks of unpaid Family Medical Leave hours I had available and then have the conversation with HR again at the end of those 3 weeks. I would likely not be in a place where I would be fully cleared by my doctor and would then additionally have not been paid for 3 weeks.

2. Submit my “voluntary resignation” to the organization due to my health condition and current complications from surgery. I would technically be able to apply for unemployment benefits, but the HR rep specifically stated that she couldn’t GUARANTEE that I would be approved. My official resignation would be dated 7/1/25 to allow my health and dental benefits to be covered through the end of July.

I made it clear that I couldn’t financially survive 3 weeks without pay, and asked why the company wouldn’t just let me go. She said that they would first exhaust my unpaid FMLA hours and then reassess.

Though they clearly gave me a “choice”, it was pretty obvious to me that I only really had one option, and it made me very nervous. So I went back to my office, tried to make sure all of the projects I had been working on were in a state where someone else could easily pick them up, sent out some closing emails, wrote a farewell and apology note to one of my outpatient clients, packed up my stuff, said goodbye to the animals and my coworkers, submitted my “voluntary resignation” email to HR, and left the property.

THE PRESENT

I have put in an application for unemployment benefits as of July 1, 2025. Rent (my portion being $950) is due, board for Firefly ($600) is due, I have almost maxed out my credit cards and am running out of options. Then various utilities, car and renter’s insurance, car payment, care costs for Firefly and my 2 cats, gas, food, credit card bills, etc will also be coming due. I have sent out numerous job applications since my surgery in anticipation of things going south during recovery (but hoping I was being cynical), just in case. I’ve received a lot of rejection emails, and that’s pretty disappointing. In addition, I’m in the process of applying to several organizations that provide financial aid or grants to individuals who have fallen on hard times financially.

I have health and dental insurance through the end of the month, but will then have to figure that out. I have a lot of chronic health conditions and take many “non-formulary” prescription medications that insurance companies don’t want to pay for and make me jump through the required hoops to get them to cover those meds- that we already know work. That means that those conditions won’t be adequately treated for months until the insurance companies are satisfied that those specific meds are necessary.

Through my current health insurance I have already met my out-of-pocket maximum for the year, which means that everything is covered and I have no co-pays until January if I keep this insurance. Through COBRA, my health and dental premiums will be $1016.94 per month. A similar health plan through marketplace will be approximately $700 monthly with a $1500 deductible and co-pays for everything, and will require navigating red tape for needed medications. Insurance through the state will likely be free because I’m currently unemployed, but I will also have to go through the red tape regarding medications and some of my providers don’t take the state insurance.

My parents have helped as much as they can, but they are retired and also have limited resources. They have done so much for me over the years and I feel terrible that I’m again unable to provide for myself fully and I know that my stress creates stress for them that they shouldn’t have to deal with, which makes me even more stressed by nature. My amazing boyfriend, Kendall, has been here to support me physically during my recovery (and even some before when tasks were just too painful for me to do), emotionally (and that’s been an eventful rollercoaster, I’m sure…), and now is trying to help financially when he can- but he’s also limited in that department. My long-time friend and previous business partner, Natalie Zieper, has been a strong emotional support pillar and kindly paid me generously (in support of Firefly) to complete a specific writing project for her.

The barn owner, Tanja Rutherford, at Good Life Stables where Firefly lives, has been wonderful and has worked with me extensively to provide different options and potential accommodations to assist with his (and my) current struggles. She also sold me a used nebulizer to allow me to start that treatment suggested by the vet early on, but I couldn’t afford a new “top of the line” equine nebulizer and also couldn’t afford to rent one weekly from the vet clinic. When that nebulizer broke unexpectedly near the start of his treatment, Jessica King, the representative for the nebulizer company Silver Horse Care replaced the compressor free of charge. Kristy Nash, the barn manager at Good Life Stables, has gone above and beyond to help with Firefly’s daily care and medication management during my initial recovery when I couldn’t handle him at all and continues to keep an eye on him for me even though I’m there twice a day at this point. The attending veterinarian, Dr. Amber Lengele, and the attentive staff at Del Oeste Equine Hospital have patiently answered all of my emails and extensive questions and are doing all they can to help him get back to normal. Fleet of Angels awarded me a grant to help offset Firefly’s veterinary expenses and deposited funds into my account at the vet clinic to cover some of his treatment and medications costs.

I am grateful for every bit of assistance and support that I receive. I feel like I’m drowning at this point, and every ounce of kindness shown is a life preserver thrown to me to help me catch a full breath (and Firefly too!) before I go under again. If you are able to donate ANYTHING to help offset Firefly’s expenses and “sponsor” portions of his care, that will help me be able to contribute more to my own expenses and reduce my stress levels, hopefully allowing me to start actually healing and being able to recover myself. I can provide you with specific financial breakdowns of all of Firefly’s costs and where to send them if that is what you would prefer. I can also provide the amounts necessary for me to pay my specific bills if needed and where those amounts can be directed if you choose not to donate through this platform.

THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART for taking the time to read this far and considering my plea for help. It was not easy for me to get this far and I need your assistance to continue. Please share this link with anyone you know that may be interested in contributing to my campaign. Thank you immensely for those of you who have already contributed and reached out with your support and kind words. It means the world to me. I pass it on to Firefly through carrots and horse cookies…

THE “BACK” STORY

In 2013 I was diagnosed with a herniated disc at L4-L5, and was treated for years at a Pain Management clinic in California. As I braided less, I weaned myself off the muscle relaxers and opiates I had been prescribed for so long. Once I moved to Oregon and only braided occasionally, I rarely needed them at all for a couple of years. Starting early in 2023, I started experiencing more back pain again and it got worse quickly. Finally, after years of suffering from back pain and a very stressful journey to discover the root causes, I was finally scheduled for a lumbar fusion of L4-L5 on March 24, 2025. In addition to disc degeneration, arthritis, and a herniated disc, my vertebrae at that level were unstable, were slipping, and causing significant pain and nerve damage.

After having an MRI done, I was scheduled with a local neurosurgeon to review the results and talk about my options. He was very confident that a microdiscectomy at L4-L5 would solve the problem and any lesser treatment would simply be a “band-aid” while the problem got worse. I couldn’t shake the feeling that grew during the appointment and afterwards that I should seek out a second opinion. I had my primary care doctor send a referral to another neurosurgery office in Eugene for an evaluation and second opinion. I waited almost a month, and then finally called the office to ask the status of my referral. The receptionist told me that they had looked at my MRI images and that none of the surgeons dealt with my “condition”. I was confused, because my understanding was that I had a herniated disc that needed attention, and it was a very common problem with a pretty straightforward treatment plan.

When I mentioned that to the receptionist, she said that I had what is called a Tarlov Cyst, and that otherwise my spine was healthy but they wouldn’t treat it. I felt like I had been punched in the gut, and assured the receptionist that they must have looked at the wrong file because no one had mentioned anything to me about a cyst anywhere. She was also confused at that point, and said that she would have one of the doctors take another look and get back to me. When she called back, she confirmed they had looked at the correct images and that I indeed had a Tarlov Cyst. She scheduled me for an appointment with their “Spine Specialist” to discuss the potential treatment options, but couldn’t get me in to see him for another 4 months. I went down the deepest research rabbit hole I have ever been down (so far, anyway) in my entire life.

I eventually learned that the large Tarlov Cyst is inside my sacrum (in the sacral canal) at S1-S2. This isn’t actually a “cyst”, but is more of an aneurism of the spinal nerve root sheath where it balloons out and fills with cerebral spinal fluid. They are not really addressed in medical school curriculum other than to say that they are not symptomatic and should be left alone. They don’t really know what causes them, and it seems like most don’t care to really learn any more about them or how to treat them. One pain management doctor here told me that he was told when studying for his Board exams that they will not pass you if you say that a Tarlov Cyst can or should be operated on. I found an entire community of individuals that have been diagnosed with these “cysts” and they do indeed cause a myriad of symptoms. Most doctors will dismiss any symptoms that a patient associates with these cysts, and many times the patient leaves every appointment not only in pain, but feeling defeated and ultimately unheard. https://www.youtube.com/watch%253Fv%253DzjcmWdgxvgc&ved=2ahUKEwjK442h4bKOAxUfD0QIHQlZHFUQkPEHegQIYRAF&usg=AOvVaw11ADeA-JMhUj_Z4vsjxJBp" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">https://www.youtube.com/watch%253Fv%253DzjcmWdgxvgc&ved=2ahUKEwjK442h4bKOAxUfD0QIHQlZHFUQkPEHegQIYRAF&usg=AOvVaw11ADeA-JMhUj_Z4vsjxJBp" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DzjcmWdgxvgc&ved=2ahUKEwjK442h4bKOAxUfD0QIHQlZHFUQkPEHegQIYRAF&usg=AOvVaw11ADeA-JMhUj_Z4vsjxJBp

There are only 3 specialists in the country that will operate on these cysts, and I had phone consults with 2 of them. Both recommended a very involved surgery to drain and wrap the cyst, but also said that I needed to address the spinal instability and slipping of the vertebrae with a lumbar fusion. The neurosurgeon I felt the most comfortable with explained that he believed the majority of my pain would be alleviated after a fusion, and if symptoms persisted the cyst could be addressed later. My neurologist, who was actually pretty irritated that I had never mentioned my back pain to him (because I always saw neurologists for my migraines, not my back pain! It never occurred to me that should be on his radar, but in hindsight he deals with nerves- and I was having a lot of issues with those buggers), agreed that he thought the cyst wasn’t the primary issue, and he sent a direct referral to the neurosurgeon that has now done 4 of his 10 spinal surgeries. Incidentally, that neurosurgeon was part of the Neuroscience department where I tried to get a second opinion. The referral was accepted and I was scheduled for surgery in March of 2025.

The months leading up to the surgery date were stressful, to say the least. I knew that I needed to work as much as I could to build up my savings to allow me to have enough time off to heal properly and also take care of any emergencies should they arise. I braided horse’s manes and tails on the West Coast Hunter/Jumper show circuit as much as I could while still working my regular full time job as a Skills Trainer at a Therapeutic Equine Program on the campus of a residential mental health treatment facility for adolescents in Oregon. Even though I was employed full-time, my salary wasn’t enough to make ends meet. When I was initially hired I negotiated that I would continue to braid 1-2 weekends per month, taking Sundays off from my regular work schedule in order to do so. Last fall, I started to get some pushback regarding this arrangement and was starting to feel the financial pressure build.

In addition to financial stress, I kept having trouble with the neurosurgeon’s medical assistant regarding paperwork for my full-time job that would allow me protected leave to recover. The application process for paid short-term disability also hinged on this paperwork and I couldn’t apply until I had it in hand and also approved by my HR department. Once approved, it would be approximately a month before payment would be deposited into my account. After the surgery, there were continued difficulties with the medical assistant and my pain medication prescriptions were not refilled in a timely fashion, despite my best efforts and following every office policy regarding contacting the office ahead of time and initiating the refills.

Now that Firefly is better able to breathe, I can also breathe a little easier. However, while I’ve been hyper-focused on doing all the things to help him, I’ve neglected myself and put my healing and recovery on a back burner. Once I had my first post-op x-rays done and the neurosurgeon’s assistant confirmed that the hardware was still where they had placed it and the bones were fusing as they were supposed to, they lifted the “surgical” restrictions and cleared me to start physical therapy and return to work. I was glad that I’d be able to start working again and build up my savings a bit more, but due to the physical nature of my job I was concerned that I would be expected to do too much too soon, and then slow the recovery and healing process. The doctors agreed, and prescribed a back-to-work plan with physical restrictions of lifting no more than 10 pounds, and a schedule starting with reduced hours but increasing each week to hopefully help me re-integrate quickly but safely.

When I submitted the note to the HR department at work, they took a while to approve the plan. They agreed to follow the light duty restrictions and the reduced-but-increasing hourly schedule per week, but stipulated that I wouldn’t be allowed to work with the horses or the residential clients, and only the outpatient clients if another staff member was present to intervene if physically necessary. This meant I was inside doing a lot of computer work and cleaning previously donated tack and other horse equipment to market and sell. I was concerned because I didn’t feel that I would be able to build up my strength or stamina by staying in the office. I was told that the restrictions would be honored until 6/25/25, by which point I would have to submit a note from my doctor clearing me for full duty. The closing sentence of her email said, “If additional accommodations are needed after this date, please contact me to discuss options.”

Once back to work starting 5/19/25, the long hours and long drive quickly started to take their toll. I initially hoped to do some basic tasks outside as tolerated such as sweeping, but couldn’t even manage to do that. While at the computer, I alternated between different chairs and utilized my adjustable standing desk to change positions as often as possible and walked around the office as much as I could to keep the blood flowing. I tend to be hyper focused on tasks, and have a hard time pulling myself away from tasks until I complete them. So the fault definitely is mine for not changing positions enough and just getting sucked in while trying to be productive.

Either way, I was still in a lot of pain almost all of the time, even though my pain levels had decreased a fair amount before I returned to work the activity ramped them right back up again. I was having a really hard time in physical therapy and wasn’t progressing at all. Every strength building exercise was more painful than it should’ve been, so we toned it down and tried to focus on stretching. Even simple stretches would cause my back muscles to seize or spasm and send me into a whole other pain level, despite still being on strong muscle relaxers and heavy-duty prescription pain meds. I couldn’t manage doing the stretches while at work and didn’t have time at home or at the barn because the muscles needed time to fully relax before they could actually be stretched. The physical therapist suggested I ask for several rest breaks throughout my shifts so I could lay down on an ice pack and remove the compression on my spine completely. I knew that wouldn’t go over well…but we did have a room attached to the office that had a bed in it for the overnight therapists to use. I had also reached out to those therapists to make sure they were ok with me using the room and the bed for my PT stretches and to ice my back when needed, and they gave me the a-ok.

My second and final post-op appointment was on 6/9/25, the day after I started back to working 10 hour shifts. The x-rays confirmed that the hardware and bones were where they should be but the doctor wasn’t especially pleased with my overall pain levels and how slowly the healing process was going. To be honest, neither was I. My stress levels were high, as was my pain and overall frustration. On 6/24 I had an appointment with my primary care doctor, and he said he didn’t feel comfortable clearing me for full duty. He wrote a letter stating that and asked for an additional period of time with accommodations to include no sitting or standing for more than 30 minutes at a time, and if possible, 1-2 breaks of 5-10 minutes where I would be allowed to lay down to remove the compression on my spine to help me heal faster. That afternoon once I got to the office I emailed the letter to HR, and the next morning had an email flagged “high importance!!!”, requesting that I go to her office before noon to meet with her.

Almost immediately, I knew that the meeting was not heading in a positive direction, and I wasn’t wrong. It was very quickly made clear to me that they were unwilling to provide further accommodations of any type and that those requested by my doctor were unreasonable in the eyes of the HR department. When I pointed out that I had an adjustable standing desk and that there was also a room with a bed attached to my office, she scoffed and said that the campus was essentially unsafe for me if I wasn’t fully healed and that I needed to leave as soon as possible that day regardless of what decision I made regarding my employment. She said that they wouldn’t even be able to accommodate me in any sort of administrative position with the organization either, so my options were 3 weeks of unpaid leave or “voluntary resignation”. Needless to say, any sort of unpaid leave was not a viable option (which she was well aware of because we had discussed my financial situation several months before and a couple of times in between) and the only real choice was resignation. The rest of THAT story will be elaborated on in a different section.

So I finished everything up the best I could and left. My pain levels have gone down some since then, but I still haven’t been good about taking the time to change positions often and not get sucked into what I’m working on. Because now I have to do these things in the hopes of getting paid by someone, not simply because I’m being told to by someone who is already obligated to pay me. Therefore I feel it’s even more important (whether that is the way it actually should be or not, I don’t know at this point, so please don’t judge me for it) to put my heart and soul into every application, cover letter, or update I post on this campaign or on the YouTube channel that is documenting Firefly’s journey. Don’t get me wrong- I am a hard worker regardless of who is paying me and quality is VERY important to me. If I’m going to do it, it’s going to be done well- and often that’s why I take on too much- because I don’t think others are doing it well enough. That’s my own demon that I need to conquer.

Am I doing better in PT? Maybe a little. I can do SOME of the exercises now, which is definitely an improvement, but in PT on Tuesday I tried to get off the table/bed and my back just went into full spasm mode including Tourette’s level swearing and full-body tics. Tried to get up off the couch last night (because I’m trying to be good and listen to my Physical Therapist) after laying (almost) flat on my back to relieve spinal compression and again full spasm. Had to ask Kendall to help pull me up like he used to right after surgery because I just couldn’t do it, and I almost pulled him over on top of me because I have also gained a lot more weight in this process which doesn’t help in any way. I’m hoping that I won’t have to pull the walker back out of the garage to help pull myself from the couch or bed, but it’s there if I need it.

My pain levels were actually pretty low before I started back to work, and I was cautiously optimistic but managed my expectations. Once I returned to work they skyrocketed (no surprise there, really). They’re a bit lower now on average, but do get back up to a 6 or 7 on a 0-10 pain scale (with 10 being the worst) for shorter periods of time- which isn’t great. I have a pretty high pain tolerance and spent years ignoring the majority of my pain because I HAD to. I just didn’t have the luxury of being able to be in pain and allow myself the time to heal. In order to get to the bottom of the issue and figure out how to address it, I had to break all of that down and start feeling the pain, evaluating it and trying to figure out where it exactly it came from. How it felt, what type of sensation it was; what made it worse, better, was there numbness or tingling…once you open those flood gates it’s kind of overwhelming and very difficult to shut off again. Now that my nerves aren’t compressed and are finally starting to heal, I can actually feel things and can move in ways I haven’t been able to in YEARS! And that does give me some hope. But I’m definitely not out of the woods yet.

Further details to come!