Support Ell's Journey to a Safer Future

with the current trump administration, i've known since november i needed a plan to get out of the country if the worst case scenario came. and it did. and i had a plan.

i had a whole thing worked out; i had a family member in germany, a place i had wanted to live in since forever anyway, a general time frame of how long i was going to give myself to get everything required for leaving my family and home and start new somewhere else, i was going to make it out.

first, the plan was to get my associates degree here, and then leave as soon as possible. the next day trump suspended federal aid and i had no way to pay for school.

then my plan was just to go to germany with a student visa, and do all of my wanted schooling there. i had even looked into job opportunities to make sure i could support myself, how to properly apply for a visa, and plane tickets for Munich, Germany leaving in September, to give me time to save up. and now, i see stories of trans folks, people like me, who are having their passport renewals denied because their documents gender markers don't all match. and so germany is out of the picture for now.

as a person who is queer, trans, and unfortunately has a uterus, i think it's reasonable that i am worried for my safety. i've already received threats on my life on the internet, as well as just general harassment. i wouldn't be surprised if eventually, they just won't let us leave at all, and there won't be a reason or excuse that they give us because they won't need one anymore. they'll just be able to do it. and i'm terrified.

i don't want that to happen. i want to stay here and fight for my right to exist and not be afraid of just going to public spaces. but i don't want to be a martyr. there have been too many already.

this fund will pay for my travel expenses to canada, as well as the process of moving my belongings, and hopefully help me pay for a place to stay while i find work or schooling, as well as my necessary medications. also therapy. so much therapy. i didn't want to go to canada. i wanted to go farther away. unfortunately my enhanced ID only works for so much.

if you decide to donate, thank you. but if you are not in a position to do so, that's ok too. i ask that either way, you share this with people, whether that's people with the means to donate, or people with love and empathy in their heart who will help spread the word.

i don't want to die because i love, or because i'm trans. i'd honestly prefer to die either in my sleep, peacefully, or in a way so tremendously idiotic that i'm on the news. maybe something like "local idiot went outside during a category 5 hurricane and said 'come at me you windy wishy washy bastard' and was promptly flung into a tree and killed on impact. more at 6".

but yeah, peacefully in my sleep would also be nice.

thank you for reading. may we all find peace in the current time of so little of it.

-Ell (he/him/they/them)

p.s. i could really use some kind words right now, for obvious reasons. if you got any of those, please send me a message on social media:

instagram/threads: @ellisnotsleeping

tik tok: @ellisnotsleeping