I’m a pretty sturdy person and also, last year was rugged. I got through it with my typical grit and learned some things. One of which is…there are several good reasons why I am hyper self-reliant and one of them is because my life doesn’t work unless I am. I cannot risk leaning into help and softness and luxury because I might not be able to easily go back to my old, tougher, more disciplined ways. Think of how you lived in your early 20s. I lived on $2 cartons of peruvian rice and beans from the restaurant next to work and at home cooked everything out of one sauce pan because that’s what we owned. Not even sure where that pan came from. And now I’m wondering what other food that peruvian restaurant sold. And I am pretty sure I could never live that lean again. I’ve gotten too soft. Too self-indulgent.

America is not super kind to me. I’m not a big producer of capital gains. And so a tough year leads to debt and stress and fatigue. But, when I’m beginning to feel sorry for myself, I remind me that I CHOSE this life. Around age 23 I was given the opportunity for ease and money. I chose instead to live a fun and adventurous life funded by work I loved and now by a vocation that I adore. I am happy with my choice. Few people spend as many of their daily hours as content and fulfilled as I do. My life is a gift.

And I’m tired. Chemo for CRC ended in February. And it has taken me until this month to get ahead of my finances. My medical debt and chaos debt is now safely tucked away into 0% apr locations. And I paid my mortgage this month two days early. In 1.5 years I should be back to debt free, which is how I prefer to live my life. And I’ve managed to do this without completely decimating my savings account. But it feels like the adrenaline has left my body and…I am tired. I need a break. So I have decided to take off the bulk of October.

I have yet to figure out how to squirrel away enough money to bank PTO time. I know I charge below industry standard for my services. I know that enables me to maintain my very enjoyable book of business full of lovely people who also deserve the healthcare I provide. I know my utility bills have gone up by 25 and 50 percent respectively. And groceries. I know my credit card company keeps 5% of my income. However, a friend has given me a great way to think about how to view saving for PTO and so I’m going to look at it in the new year. It would certainly make vacations a LOT less stressful.

In the meantime…if any of you feel compelled to help fund my PTO for October I have set up this go fund me. I do not want this to be super public…nope. That would be a step over my “embracing asking for help” line. But, if you know anyone you think knows me and wants to help, feel free to send them a link.

And in full disclosure, I’ve already blocked off the time and figured out how I can fund it. My savings account won’t increase but it also won’t dramatically decrease. And in full disclosure2, I KNOW the super responsible thing would be to use any money received to pay off debt. And in full disclosure3, I feel proper chagrin asking for time off when people have needs that are far more pressing than my fatigue and weariness. And in full disclosure4, I have a 4 day cruise booked in October (that I have bartered massage in payment for…I am not a degenerate!). Do as you will with all of that.

If you can contribute, that is lovely. If not, that is okay as well!

Peace and good things to you all. Eliza.